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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » Over Reacting?

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Author Topic: Over Reacting?
PuNkYeGg
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I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 3 months now, before we started doing anything sexual it was fine. Now all he wants to do is that. He always has to be pleased and is to immature to pleasure me. He says things like "Eww no its all wet and horrible" which completly puts me down and so I dont want him to do anything. Hes immature but when it comes to him geting pleasure its fine. The other night me and my friends had been drinking and I was still kinda drunk, he kept trying to push my head down and put my hand in places and this is immbarasing but he puled down my trousers at the back and put his penis into my '*** crack' sorry I dont know how else to describe it, it wasnt in side me but i think he came a little and now im worried of pregnancy. I did tell him to stop and hes always said he would never make me do anything but he keeps doing it. The other problem is his clingyness. He says that he will follow me around and shoot any guy that looks at me if we break up, Yeah maybe a joke but still creeps me out. Even if I wanted to dump him it would be so hard cause I dont know what he would do. Sorry for the long post! Any help ? x
Posts: 97 | From: Uk | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
faifai
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You need to get out of this relationship ASAP, plain and simple. He's rude, disrepectful, shows no limits with sex when it comes to his own pleasure, and puts you down. What kind of good, loving, caring person tells their partner that his/her genitals are "wet and gross"?

The "following you around and shooting guys who look at you" thing might be a joke, but look at what kind of sentiment could have led to him saying that--it's more of a threat than anything, even if you do take it as a joke (and I hope you don't). Check our polls section on the boards and look at the Abusive Partner poll.

Get out of this relationship. You deserve better. When ending the relationship, simply say what you honestly feel. If he does anything or you fear he will, get outside help, or have a friend waiting for you when you do it.

[ 04-04-2006, 04:31 PM: Message edited by: faifai ]

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disconnect and let me drift/until my upside down is right side *in*

Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PuNkYeGg
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Hey, the thing is I do still like him and he is nice to me most of the time, I dont think he means any harm but he puts me down aswell. Like he wont let me have anything, for example he plays guitar, I tell him im going to learn and he calls me 'crap'. He does really like me and has done for almost a year but its like im a limpit to him.
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faifai
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If you want to stay in this relationship, by all means do so. However, you asked for advice and you got it. No person worth spending your time with would push your head down towards his crotch when you're intoxicated and less likely to say no. No person worth investing your emotions with would call you crap for wanting to learn how to play the guitar. No person worth doing anything with would treat you the way this guy has treated you, even if he does it only on rare occasions.

quote:
Originally posted by PuNkYeGg:
I did tell him to stop and hes always said he would never make me do anything but he keeps doing it.

And that, right there, should be a big huge warning sign. He's joked about killing people who look at you if you two break up. He doesn't take what you want into consideration, and even if he is nice to you "most of the time", is it worth putting up with all the not so nice stuff he does? In my opinion, no.

[I don't know what limpit means, sorry.]

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disconnect and let me drift/until my upside down is right side *in*

Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PuNkYeGg
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I see what you mean... Where are the polls?
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faifai
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This is the Abusive Partner Checklist which you should look over and fill out, to see if any of it seems to fit your situation (sounds like it does).

The Sexual Limits and Boundaries Poll is also fitting.

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disconnect and let me drift/until my upside down is right side *in*

Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PuNkYeGg
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Hey.. I took your advice and finished with him. I do still like him and he still likes me. I dont know what to do now though because he is saying he wants to get back together and cant we just forget it and he promises he wont do it again and that he is sorry. I believe him but I dont know what to do. I know I shouldnt take him back but im so confused. He is guilt tripping me saying most relationships try to sort things like this out. He says he will never get over me and he only loves me. Hes making me feel like its all my fault.
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dailicious
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Hey, hon, if he's making you feel like it's your fault- he's only CONTINUING all the crappy beahavior he demonstrated in the first place, and I'd be more than willing to bet if you tried to restart the relationship this would only continue or restart after time.

By telling you things like, "Most relationships try to sort things like this out," he's really only recomfirming what he hasn't been doing this entire time- from what you've said you already HAD try to show him that you didn't appreciate any of this before.

Remember, you yourself already said this:

quote:
I did tell him to stop and hes always said he would never make me do anything but he keeps doing it.
Heartache is tough, but it is never worse than being disrespected, put down, and mistreated by ANYONE!

Hang in there, hon. At this point, if it helps, it may be good to give yourself a bit of space and not talk to him for awhile. Even tell him straight out, "Look, you really disrespected me and put me down, and now you're STILL doing it even when we're not together," and see if he gets the point without just saying, "I'll change, I promise!" or "You're being silly, we'll sort this out!"

I hope things smooth out, hon, you really do deserve better than what this guy is giving you!

[ 04-10-2006, 06:47 AM: Message edited by: dailicious ]

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Jean
aka dailicious
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Love us? Want to keep us in your lives and hearts? Give what you can!

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logic_grrl
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The fact that he's guilt-tripping you and trying to manipulate you, claiming he'll never do it again but telling you to "just forget it", making you feel it's all your fault - right there, that tells you that's he's still acting abusively.

What you've described is sexual assault, and nope, that's not something you can "try to sort out" in a relationship.

For your own safety and well-being, you need not to take this guy back. It's not your fault, and you have the right to protect yourself. You don't have to put up with this sort of pestering and emotional bullying from him.

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"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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One more suggestion?

(And my apologies for sounding like a broken record, but...)

You have a looooong history of pretty crummy relationships, especially given your young age. Several times, I personally have suggested you take some time away from dating and having boyfriends. From what I can gather looking at your history this morning, you still really have not done that.

It can be REALLY hard to see bad patterns in relationships choices when you never give yourself the chance to take some good, loong time OUT of them to get the perspective to both see those patterns, and get to know the warning signs for when potential partners are bad news. Never being on your own, out of relationships -- and rushing to always be in one -- tends to result in hurredly choosing partners, or stepping into relationships with anyone who'll have you, and that makes it really hard to make sound choices in partners.

So, please, for yourself, DO really consider taking some time OFF of relationships. Set a minimum time when you just say no to dates, or at the very least, no to ongoing romantic/sexual relationships. And from the sounds of things, a flat-out no to sex for a while would really be wise: after all, if a potential partner won't take no for an answer at the start of something, chances are good they won't later, either.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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