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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » scared. abortion. :(

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Author Topic: scared. abortion. :(
-arsyn-
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i just found out yesterday that i am pregnant. i'm 16 and i am at least two or three weeks into it. keeping it is NOT possible, in my situation. i'm not physically or mentally ready for it. my only option i can think of is a medical abortion. i read that you can get one at a planned parenthood near me but you need to provide finanial information and a friend told me it is very expensive.

also it sounds like a lot of pain is involved, and it doesn't help that i'm deathly afraid of needles (for a blood test) and getting a pap smear. i've never had one. any one with experience.. help?

also i don't know what to tell them about my boyfriend, since he just turned 19 and the state i live in happens to be one of three with an age consent of 18, lucky us. should he come along? he wants to, but will it be considered rape and might they inform some one about it?

i can't even get financial help from my parents because they don't know yet, because they would have a problem that he is 19 and we're having sex.


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'd suggest that you talk to the abortion clinic counselor about what type of abortion is best for you: medical abortion in some ways is NOT easier than surgical (and I'd say it is more painful, not less), and while it's slight, also is slightly less effective. Plus, per a medical abortion, you will have to have some care at home furing the two or three days the process takes, during which there may be a good deal of bleeding, so it's not exactly something that may be easy to keep a secret.

But the clinic you go to would explain that to you anyway to help you decide. The abortion process is not something hurried or rushed.

Abortion is not cheap, so you'll want to be prepared for it to cost around $500, sometimes more. Per finances, you can ask the clinic you go to about national abortion funds if this is a dire issue for you. However, given your partner is an adult -- and my apologies if I'm being presumptuous or off base -- and likely was not exactly supportive about making sure you used reliable contraception, I'd say that he should go beyond the call here to help with funds.

They will not likely ask about your boyfriend: and while he could come with you to the clinic, he will not be allowed to be anywhere other than the waiting room, largely for security purposes. I do not imagine anyone will interrogate you about who is in the waiting room.

Per the needles and pap, I swear, it'll be okay. needles these days are insanely thin, and it truly is not painful to have blood drawn. A pap smear is also not painful: it can sometimes be a little uncomfortable, but it's nothing to write home about.

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Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder, Scarleteen
ST blog about Heather & Scarleteen
I have come to learn that that which is most important to me must be spoken. - Audre Lorde


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dailicious
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If you want your boyfriend to be present for support, I really don't believe any clinic would need to take any action in notifying the authorities. Your parents could take action against him, however.

If you are planning on having an abortion done you generally have two options: medical or surgical abortion. What you should do to get more information is to go to the Planned Parenthood and ask them as much as you can about the procedure, what all is involved, and how much it would cost; they may be able to help you financially, as well, as far as maybe setting up a system of payments (like, you have to pay a certain amount in installments until the full price is paid).

As well, the clinic should be able to explain to you everything you'd need to prepare for for the procedure. You'd NEED to have someone with you regardless, because you need to be watched/cannot drive/etc. after the procedure is done to be sure there have been no health complications.

Pap smears, as long as you don't make a big deal about them, are actually fairly easy and painless. Basically, the doctor will need to take a swab of your cervix which can hurt slightly but not that badly, it's more uncomfortable. This article may help you some on that matter: Your First Geynecologist Visit

Please also be aware that specific states have their own legislation on minors and abortions; this means that legally, the clinic may not be able to perform an abortion for you unless your parent or guardian is notified. Since you did not include where you live, that will be something you'll have to check with the Planned Parenthood for more information.

I hope this has helped you some, and if you have more questions, please feel free to ask; your best bet will still be checking directly with the lanned Parenthood, though. Good luck, hon.


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-arsyn-
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thank you so much for the fast response. well then i guess my only question is, if i end up getting a surgical abortion, do they provide perscription pain killers or anything for that. i would imagine dilating th cervix and having a tube in it would be very painful.
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Heather
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With a surgical abortion, you can elect to have either a local or a general anesthetic.

With an early abortion, I personally generally suggest a local: one feels better faster, plus it tends to be easier for some women to resolve emotional issues because one doesn't have to wonder what hapened during the procedure, as you will be covered for pain, but still awake and fairly alert.

But again, these are issues which your clinican will discuss with you well before your abortion.


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-arsyn-
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thank you so much i really appreciate it and i'm so grateful there is a site like this. alot of stress has been relieved, now that i have more of an idea of what's to come, thank you thank you thank you
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Heather
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Of course of course of course.

And by all means, feel free to pop back with any more questions, though again, your clinician will be able to help you with all of this.

But should you also need some extra support afterwards, there are plenty of folks here glad to help.


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-arsyn-
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okay.. kinda freaked out...i was doing some reading about medical abortions and it says to call the clinic if you are passing clots the size of.. LEMONS?! for more than TWO HOURS?!!....

is this normal? would it be painful? it's really worrying me. i haven't been to or talked to the clinic yet but we are setting up an appointment tomorrow and hopefully taking care of everything this weekend.

also would it be wise to tell them my boyfriend does not have a job? i heard it is illegal for him not to give financial help since he is the one who got me pregnant. does this mean only after delivery? or does this cover abortion too? he only has a small job and needs pretty much all the money he earns from it.

my question here is could it become a legal issue if we tell them there is no source of income from either of us. i don't like lying but if he's going to be held legally responsible.. i don't want to put a burden on him or his family. any thoughts?


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Heather
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Frist things first.

Your boyfriend is a legal adult. Really, that means he SHOULD be responsible. You haven't said anything about the situation that caused this pregnancy, but I'm guessing this man knew it was illegal to have sex with you in the first place. It's not your job to keep him out of trouble, as a minor. It is HIS job to keep him out of trouble. He may need all the money he earns, but again, he made a choice here. Unless you do not want him to, especially considering he is an adult and you a minor, he should be helping with this.

I do not know of any policy that dictates where the private funds for an abortion may come from. Where did you hear that?

I would not tell them there is no source of income from either of you: I would talk to this guy about this. And having no income whatsoever doesn't mean a clinic will pay for an abortion: you should still be prepared to pay for it. You can ask about national abortion funds, but these private funds are not always available, and when they are, are not always available to the extent to cover the entire abortion.

I also would not suggest you lie for him.

Per the clots, that would be an extreme case, thus, the advice to go to the hospital. But medical abortion, as I said before, will generally involve more bleeding for you to deal with than surgical.

Again, discuss with the clinic the choice between surgical and medical. And be prepared for this NOT to be a done deal by the weekend. There often are small waiting periods, many clinics are not open for abortion services every day of the week -- some even are only open a few days out of the month -- especially if you do opt for surgical, there may be policies in your state as a minor to deal with, etc.


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-arsyn-
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sigh.. well i hope it can be taken care of soon, or my 63 days might run out [Frown]

i guess all i can do then is go. and make an appointment. i've been looking into it so much and asking so many questions because i'm just really scared to go in there. i guess i need to suck it up and just do it, even though i'm still not sure what to tell them--i've never been to planned parenthood or talked to anyone about this kind of thing before and don't know what to expect at all.

as for how we got in this situation.. well... the only protection was a condom, but it broke. in half. i got plan B but wasn't able to get it until two days later, because the place was closed the next day.. basically i was not prepared but didn't say no, and now we're paying the price.

at least it is a learning experience, i definitely won't ever be unprepared again, and will be strong enough to say no if that's the case. and be able to help out other people. thanks for all the help.

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Heather
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I assure you, if you make the call this weekend, you won't miss your time window.

For the future -- if and when you DO feel more ready for sexual partnership -- condoms very, very rarely break when they are used with extra latex-safe lubricant. That's especially an issue when you're nervous, which can impact arousal and thus, lubrication, though ideally, you and your partner will not attempt intercourse when you're not fully aroused. Also, good quality condoms within the expiry date are a must, as in the male wearer being sure to leave enough room in the tip when he puts on the condom.

Per what to expect, I don't know if you saw this page already, but it's a very well-done overview of the process to expect per PP clinics specifically: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/portal/files/portal/medicalinfo/abortion/pub-abortion-first-trimester.xml

And obviously, if you're still with this particular partner, I'd suggest that at some point you two have a long sit-down and discuss all of this. Your limits and boundaries, what scenario will BE one in which you can feel empowered to have your own boundaries, what HE needs to do to respect and honor them, etc.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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