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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » self-destruction??

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Author Topic: self-destruction??
Member # 11158

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Hiya, it's coming up to exactly a year since i had a miscarriage and for the past month i've been regularly taking cocaine + speed simply to forget about it - obviously it hasn't worked,(i'm not an addict) but a couple of weeks ago me + my fiance we're taking coke and he admitted that during the first couple of months of us being together (a year+half ago) he was regularly taking coke with his mate-now that i've got him back on it im not sure he will want to come off it- and as for me in a weeks time i'm going to have the hardest week of my life and i guess i'm just scared of what i mite do to myself.i'd really like to know your opinions on this and anyone who has had a miscarriage - how they coped a year on...

Posts: 26 | From: England-UK | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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First things first: if you are a regular user of cocaine and amphetamines and you cannot stop using them despite wanting to, then yes, you ARE an addict.

Here's the thing: we can't even start to deal with addictions until we can see we've got them, so let me do you a favor and tell you once more: you've got an addiction or two. Unless you can decide to stop right now and do so without breaking a sweat or ever going back, you ARE an addict.

Did you know that about 50% of ALL pregnancies end in miscarriage? And that most of the time women don't even know? It's true. Miscarriage is actually a pretty normal and natural part of reproduction. It happens all the time. Emotionally, it can be something to grapple with, especially if you planned for and wanted a child very badly (though to be honest, love, it may have been a blessing in disguise, it doesn't sound to me like you are up for handling childrearing right now, at all) but if all by itself isn't going to spurn addictive or self-destructive behaviours that hadn't already taken root somewhere else. In other words, the issue isn't miscarriage, it's what you're attaching to it and how you're processing it. Or not processing, as the case may be. And given your combined use of these two drugs and your addiction, chances are you don't even have a way of getting a handle, realstically and soundly, on how much of an issue the miscarriage is at this point at all.

The only healthy and responsible thing I can suggest (and please understand that in the future, the user guidelines state that users may actually NOT post about illegal activity -- primarily for your safety) is that you both get yourselves into rehab treatment YESTERDAY. Especially when you're at the point where you are roping other people into your own addiction.

Cocaine is one of the most addictive substances there is in the world -- the way it works in the body, it literally can create a chemical addiction on a single use (in part by inhibiting the reabsoption of dopamine by nerve cells -- it literally doesn't allow your nervous system to experience mental balance or pleasure without it after only a few uses, sometimes immediately). Anyone who is a regular user and denies addiction is someone who isn't informed as to how that particular drug works and what it does.

And until you deal with that and get past that addiction and its effects, you aren't going to be able to process your feelings about a miscarriage or anything else either, love.

Here's some additional info for you from a non-propagandist, reliable medical source:

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 04-06-2003).]

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5036

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Here's a link for you if you'd like to investigate addiction resources in the UK:

The people at the number for the National Drugs Helpline will be able to help you assess your situation, your boyfriend's situation, and your options.

Hope this helps,

Posts: 848 | From: London, UK | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 11158

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I ACTUALLY KNOW A LOT ABOUT DRUGS as i see a drugs+alcohol counsellor! and yes i have told her. i'm not ROPING him into doing it- he has a mind of his own and if he didnt want to do it he wouldn't, full stop!
yes maybe the miscarriage was down to fate and if it was meant to be it wouldn't have happened-however i wouldn't consider it as a 'BLESSING IN DISGUISE' as i know i could've coped and going through everything that i went through was certainly no blessing.and being as you dont know me as a person you don't really have a right to judge what sort of mother i'd be at this point-i'm not some dumb 13yr old who doesn't know wot contraception is or who's biggest worry is what pop group's the coolest-i actually campaign for tommy's which is a charity that researches some of the causes of miscarriage,stillbirth,premature birth etc...i front the campaign at my college and give out leaflets like-'having a healthy pregnancy' etc...i'm nearly 18 and i'm using my experience to raise awareness for other young teens so i'd appreciate it if you didm't write to me as if i dont know anything! i've been through some shit in my time but at least i've had the strength to go and work through them-even if a couple of them have been initially self-inflicted.if i wanted to stop taking the drugs i would-however it's my coping mechanism,yes i probably could find a safer one but this one's more risky i guess-i know all about dependancy and tolerence-if i was going in that deep then i'd let my counsellor know.i also know the exact meaning of ADDICTION hence why+how i know im not an addict+again if i was i'd get help from my counsellor.
thanx for your opinion though.

Posts: 26 | From: England-UK | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5036

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It is not necessary for you to slag off 13 year olds. Every person's maturity is unique at every age, and varies from individual to individual, as do experience and coping capabilities.

I'm unclear what you're asking. If you're afraid that you're stressed out and have a tough week ahead, perhaps due to exams, I have to say that coke and speed are not going to improve your exam results. If you know this and you're afraid you can't cope without them, then I suggest you talk to your councellor about that. That is what she's there for.

If you feel that you're in danger of harming yourself, I suggest a call to the Samaritans. They are there all the time and they provide someone to talk to, even if you're not in danger of suicide:

If your concern is for your boyfriend and his ability to get off the charlie, as you yourself are likely well aware, that is a choice that only he can make.

If he does make that decision and indeed has trouble getting off it, all you can do is be supportive and maybe point him to some of the resources we've pointed you towards.

Really, I feel for you, but the problem is that all the coping and solutions have to come from you. All we can do is help you get the resources that will support that.

Hope this helps,

Posts: 848 | From: London, UK | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 8067

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being as you dont know me as a person you don't really have a right to judge what sort of mother i'd be at this point

All we can go on is what you post. Which in this case is that you're 17, regularly using cocaine and amphetamines, and say you're scared of what you might do to yourself under stress.

Within the last 6 months, you've mentioned your fiance sexually assaulting you ( ), a suicide attempt a year ago( ), the fact that you're consistently having unprotected sex ( ), and your continued alcohol abuse and cutting ( ).

Given all those factors and recent experiences, it's not really too much of a stretch for Miz S to have suggested that you might not be able to handle dealing with a small baby (probably one of the more stressful human experiences) right now.

That's not an attack, it's just a fact about how many stresses and problems someone can realistically be expected to cope with at once.

There's no shame in having problems, but acknowledging that you are having problems, or that things may be out of control, is a necessary first step towards dealing with them.

The fact that you're saying that you're not "in that deep" with drugs while using cocaine and amphetamines "regularly" as a coping mechanism says to me that you're not looking at some of your problems honestly, and I suggest you talk to your counsellor about this.

[This message has been edited by logic_grrl (edited 04-06-2003).]

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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