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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » he wouldn't stop

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Author Topic: he wouldn't stop
Lost_Blue_Angel
Neophyte
Member # 11158

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plz help i dunno wot to do.last nite i stayed ova my fiance's and we had sex-of course i consented but he started hurting me and i told him to stop and tried to push him off but he wouldn't - eventually i managed to get him off me and then he just sed i have to cum and tears just streamed down my face and he finished himself off.

it really scared me coz last year i went out clubbing (im 17) and i had my drink spiked the guy was touching me all over and holding me on the chair with force-other than that i only remember my tights being ripped all ova.

for the rest of the nite i just pretended i was asleep.immediatly after he'd finished he sed sorry but i just felt sick.and this morning i just got up and left.
did i overreact? was it right for him to hold me? should i tell my counsellor?


Posts: 26 | From: England-UK | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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No, you did NOT overreact, and no it was NOT right or okay for him to continue after you told him to stop.

What you do from here is really up to you, and whatever you do that's right for you is going to be okay. I would suggest first talking to your counslor about this, and after that, the choices you have are basically either to have a vvery long talk with your fiance explaining why what he did was NOT okay, and setting very firm limits to assure he doesn't do it again, or you can choose to take a break from him for a while or even sever this entirely. It's really about how you feel about it and again, however that is is okay.

It's very hard to give advice on things like this sometimes because it's difficult to get an idea of what the dynamic in this situation really was, and what your usual dynamic is. Flatly, if it was really scary for you and you were very clear and he was very forceful, you are essentially talking about a sexual assault, and in that case, I can't encourage you enough to examine this and your whole relationship and really give a lot of thought to not being with this person, because sexual assault tends not to be something someone does just once.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lost_Blue_Angel
Neophyte
Member # 11158

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i've spoken to him about it (in a text message) and he sed it just got 2 passionate 4 him and he got carried away.

i'm not sure how to approach the subject with my counselor though.


Posts: 26 | From: England-UK | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know what, though?

That's just not acceptable, because what something like that says is that he's telling you he can't control himself -- even when you're hurting and saying no -- when he's aroused. And that is NOT okay. It's not okay at all if he can't, for real -- it means he isn't safe to be around. And it's also not okay if he can (which most people, men and women, can), but he chose not to.

In other words, I'd really advise you not to accept something like that at face value because you could seriously be compromising your physical and emotional safety.

Approach the subject with your counselor the same way you did here -- just tell your story.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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