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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » attraction

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Author Topic: attraction
ken wat
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Hello,
I just wanted to ask what attraction feels like. Sometimes i have a good feeling about certain people but im not sure if it is attraction or something else. How do i tell, or know whether it is attraction or not?
Thank you

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kenty

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Volunteer Ruth
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Well, this is a pretty difficult question as people experience attraction in different ways, and would describe it differently accordingly.

Attraction, as far as I'm able to describe it, feels like a strong desire to be with someone - whether romantically or sexually. I would typically feel happier to be around them than not, and would generally have good feelings about the idea of a relationship with them.

This is just how I'd describe desire though - I'm sure other people would describe it differently, though, and ultimately we can't get in your head to work out what your good feelings about certain people mean. Does that make sense?

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ken wat
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well i had a good feeling about someone, but im just not sure whether it is attraction or not. I don't want to be with the person, or have a relationship with them. I just had this good feeling in my body, until now i thought just any good feeling from the body meant attraction.

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kenty

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Heather
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It's hard to know exactly what you're describing here.

I mean, I have good feelings in my body when I'm around my dogs (and I am not sexually attracted to them), around my favorite little kids (same deal, not sexual), or when I'm playing my guitar or piano (to which I am also not sexually attracted).

Really, if we are talking about sexual attraction, what we're talking about are feelings you generally know -- or after knowing them for a few years and seeing patterns, you will know -- are sexual for you: are about feeling sexually excited in some way, and wanting to express those sexual feelings in some way with that other person.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ken wat
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What kinds of attraction are incorporated in liking someone? Is it just sexual attraction and romantic attraction? Could you be attracted to other characteristics of a person but that has nothing to do with liking them or not?

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kenty

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ken wat
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more specifically speaking, does aesthetic attraction, that feeling where you enjoy looking at someone and want to look at them more, have anything to do with sexual orientation? If there is no sexual or romantic attraction present.

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kenty

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Heather
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As we have time through our lives to observe our own patterns, we will generally find that there are times something, or someone, has aesthetic appeal or interest to us, times when that interest or appeal is romantic or sexual, as well as times when there is overlap with some or all of those things.

Is this still about your fears around homosexuality, Ken?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ken wat
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No its not around the fears anymore... I'm just trying to figure myself out now

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kenty

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Heather
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Okay.

Well, again, this probably is not something you can just figure out now or quickly. Things like this are more patterns we need to first experience and then observe over time, as in years, not days. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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