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Author Topic: I got genital herpes from oral sex?
Moon-Bandits
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Member # 106607

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Hi, so today I was diagnosed with herpes, but my doctor said it was Type 1 (the oral kind) and that I most likely got it when receiving oral sex from my fiance. She didn't answer a lot of my questions and I'm having trouble figuring this out on google so I was wondering if you guys could help me.
I've never cheated on my fiance and he has never been unfaithful to me. I know I technically can't prove that, but we've discussed it and I trust him when he says he hasn't slept with someone else. So I'm wondering how I managed to get this all over my vagina? We haven't had oral sex in months and I've never had a cold sore and neither has he, but my mom gets them all the time. I don't see my mom often. Is this something that can just lie dormant for 19 years and suddenly pop up? Wouldn't he be showing symptoms? And is this going to keep coming back on my genitals forever?? I'm so confused because I haven't slept with anyone other than my fiance since before we got together which was over year ago.
Sorry for all the questions but I'm so frightened and very uninformed. Thank you!!

Posts: 18 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Mar 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi moonbandits,

I'd start out with these two pieces, as they go over the specifics of herpes transmission:
The STI Files: Herpes

HPV & Herpes: Why Safer Sex Isn't Always Safe Enough

Sounds like you're having some fear around your diagnosis. Would you like to talk about why that might be?

[ 06-17-2014, 10:47 AM: Message edited by: Sam W ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Too, just to be clear, oral herpes is incredibly common and most people with it acquire it in childhood through non-sexual contact. So, your fiancé may well have had this for much of his life. Or, he may have acquired it just from someone he was kissing before you two were together.

Or, you may have had this from before you were even together, and are only now seeing symptoms. Without knowing both of your STI testing histories, and if you both had testing that even included HSV, it is pretty much impossible to make anything but guesses here.

It also can be asymptomatic, or go without someone having obvious cold sores, or any cold sores, for years at a time. People also do not always recognize what a sore is to know if they have had them or not.

[ 06-17-2014, 10:52 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Moon-Bandits
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I'm just really afraid because this is not something I want to have for the rest of my life. Both of us definitely had parents who would get cold sores all the time so I guess I could have gotten it from him that way. Neither of us have ever been tested for herpes, but we have for almost everything else so there's no way to know which one of us had it.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Alas and alack, this is just pretty much the deal with herpes: you get it, you've got it. The good news is, for most people, it truly is totally manageable and often no more than an occasional inconvenience or discomfort.

I presume your doctor already talked to you about medication options for suppressing outbreaks?

If you haven't sen this piece yet, it's probably just the thing for you with the emotional parts of all this: This is About Genital Herpes.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Moon-Bandits
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Member # 106607

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I haven't had a chance to discuss mediations or anything like that. And thank you for the article! I read it yesterday...it helped me understand/move past some of the gross feelings I was having towards myself.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Nothing any more gross about this illness than any other, be it a cold or diabetes. We're people: illness is just sometimes a part of our lives. [Smile]

The idea sexually transmitted illness is gross generally stems from the idea that sex or genitals are gross, and so illness with them is even MORE gross.

But we don't think any of those things are gross, or any more or less so than any other body parts or things to do with the body. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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