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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » OB/GYN and virginity?

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Author Topic: OB/GYN and virginity?
HeartAngel
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Member # 108086

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I just recently had sex with my boyfriend and I was wondering and worried about my next ob/gyn appointment. I've gone to my ob/gyn before and she examined me and tested me but she still needs to give me a app smear and well I was just wondering (because I'm only 18 years old and still live with my mom) if the doctor can tell if I'm not a virgin anymore? Some say that they can because they wouldn't see the hymen intact and some say that there is no such thing as "breaking" or "popping" the hymen and that the vagina looks the same whether one has sex or not. I just want to know if doctors can tell because I did go to another ob/gyn before and she said that she can tell if I was a virgin or not. My mom usually accompanies me on my appointment and she's in my room while the doctor examines me, if the doctor does see that my hymen is broken, can she flat out tell my mom while she is inside the room? Or would she just stay quiet? I don't want my mom to know about these things. Please help me understand. Thank you.

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Onionpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

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Hi HeartAngel. Sexual activity does not cause any permanent change to our bodies, no. The hymen also does not "pop" or "break" during intercourse: it usually wears away over time from a variety of things (physical activity, hormones). We have some great info on all of this:
My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It
20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Too, your OB/GYN and their staff should be asking about private exams for you at this point unless you are asking for your mother to be with you.

If they are not, you can ask them to ask her to wait outside of the exam room. That way, not only do you not have to worry about any of this, since you have been sexually active, you can also then talk with them about STI testing you will now need to start, and contraception if you want to talk about that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HeartAngel
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Hey Heather! They didn't ask me if I wanted my mom inside my mom just insists on going so if I told my mom not to come with me she would get really suspicious so if I can't prevent my mom from coming and the doctor knows something would she say anything?? And I already am on the pill for really bad cramps.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You don't have to tell her.

Since they SHOULD be asking you if you want someone else with you anyway, THEY should be doing this. This is standard with sexual/reproductive healthcare, especially when someone is a legal adult.

If they're not, again, you can ask them at the desk -- or even ask to use the bathroom, then catch a nurse in the hall and tell them you want to be alone so they'll ask -- or even just bring a note you slip into your chart that says "Please ask my mother to wait in the waiting room."

Mind, you should be able to ask a parent for privacy, especially with something like a GYN exam that most people consider very private. I'm betting she doesn't take you in with her for her exams, after all. So, you might be able to just ask her by saying this is something that feels private and you'd like to do privately.

But again, given your age, we can pretty much assure you intercourse did not change your body in any way that it wasn't likely already changed. The hymen/corona wears away gradually over time, more from hormones, discharges and menstrual flow than anything else, and would do that with or without sexual activity.

Doctors can tell if someone has been sexually active (or assaulted) if there is vaginal trauma, a pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection, and can tell when very young children have been assaulted because their hymens generally will NOT yet have begun to wear away, so they will usually have hymenal tears due to trauma.

But I'd personally still vote for asking to start having your exams on your own, especially because if you have become sexually active, you do need to start getting sexual healthcare like STI testing to best protect your health. One option to do that, however, if you don't want to assert yourself here in any of the ways I suggested, can be to go get that care totally on your own, rather than seeing a doctor with your mother at all.

[ 06-16-2014, 08:08 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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