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Princess_g
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So i have a question,
Im 18 years old, and on April 20 i hooked u with a friend, we got a little carried away and he gave me oral sex for a couple seconds i felt so uncomfortable i stopped him. but the thing is i had been drinking i wasent drunk but i dont remember if he stuck his penis in me im a virgin from what i remember he had his pants on the whole time, So i dont think he we did have intercourse and plus i asked him and he said we didnt, but for some reason im still worried, although i think i would have felt his penis go inside me correct? im scared he did although he told me nothin happen between us but he was kinda drunk,
do you guys think im over thinking this and listen to my friend when he says we didnt do it.

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September
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Were you passed out at any point during this?

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Princess_g
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No i was awake the whole time and I knew what was going on the reason i asked is because I was looking up so when he was giving me oral sex a couple minutes i was not looking at what he was doing but when i told him to stop because i felt unconformable his pants were still on. Ive just been feeling really weird lately ive been cramping. and that same day April 20th i started my period too but in the morning. I mean considering I am a virgin i feel like i would of felt it,
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Princess_g
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if he did,
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September
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So, if you were conscious and aware of what was going on the whole time, and if the guy never even took off his pants, you can be certain that no intercourse took place.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Princess_g
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well yeah but like in the back of my mind there is that what IF, and i think thats whats making me go crazy, especially because i havent been feeling good, for example today i had basketball class and I usually feel excited to go but I felt nauseous and get had cramps, i took motrin and i feel better but these symptoms are scaring me
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September
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Sounds to me like your fears and anxieties may be due to the fact that you engaged in sexual activities that you weren't ready for, and now you're feeling uncomfortable with how things happened. Does that sound about right to you?

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Princess_g
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I mean i like him thats one of the reasons it kinda happen in the first place,but i guess you can say that i do feel guilty so you think its just guilt and putting so much stress over this is making me feel sick?
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Sam W
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It's not uncommon for guilt or discomfort with something that happened sexually to manifest as a pregnancy worry, which is why we ask.

As for your symptoms, nausea and cramps can be associated with all sorts of things (stress, the flu, etc). If you continue to have them, or they get worse, it might be sound to check in with a healthcare provider just to see what's up. You may also want to give this piece a read:
Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul

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Redskies
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Princess_g, can I just check in with you about how consensual you feel the oral sex was? You said above that you felt uncomfortable after if started; beforehand, was it something you wanted and agreed to, and were you sober enough to think how you normally would about it?

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Princess_g
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redskies,
I didnt feel uncomfortable when we were kissign but after it started i told him to stop and he apologized for making me feel uncomfortable i guess it was his decision more then mine, so i do feel guilty that it happened maybe thats why im freaking out and yeah i was sober enough I dont really like doing things like that I guess I just liked the attention i was getting nut after he started i felt uncomfortable and maybe like 4 min passed and then i told him to stop.

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Princess_g
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It kinda happened kinda fast, and like I said when he was doing I was looking away So out of no where i started thinking what if he did that or this and it just got me worrying but, like i said its kinda stupid that i am worrying about because im sure i would of felt something,
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Redskies
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Okay. So, this sounds like something that you didn't purposely decide on yourself beforehand or something that you were driving and active in yourself, and that might explain some of why you're wondering what else might have happened.

I do agree with Joey and Sam that, so long as you were conscious and aware throughout, you would have known if there'd been any intercourse. I don't think it's stupid that you're feeling a bit freaked out, though - that's a natural possible response to sex that we don't feel ready for.

So, how about turning these feelings to a direction that might be more helpful and constructive for you in the future? There's a piece here on the site that I think might help you out to have a read and a think about: When Sex "Just Happened" (And How to Make It Happen Instead)

Of course, if you have any thoughts from that piece, we'll be very happy to talk them over with you [Smile]

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Princess_g
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Sorry It took me a long time to write back, So I would have definitely felt it if we had intercourse? Because i think so too, but i was just wondering because i was not looking down when the whole thing happen, thats my only concern, I was conscious through the whole thing though and he only gave me oral sex for like 3 min,
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Princess_g
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Im sorry if im being to open, its just i am the oldest and have no one to talk to about this, I could talk with my parents but i just feel to weird
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Heather
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It is totally fine to be candid here.

It is just that you really do not have to be looking to know if intercourse was something you were part of, the same way you do not have to be looking, for example, to know if you stubbed your toe or are getting a root canal at the dentist.

Most typically, intercourse is not something subtle.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Princess_g
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Okay so I would have def felt if i had intercourse especially since im a virgin? thats what i figured I just got scared for a little bit and my mind started going crazy, and thank you all for your replies.
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Princess_g
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What are some of the reasons your breast would hurt? I am 18 years old so I assume they are done growing, and the situation that i was in makes me think the worse,Because they have been hurting for days some days are more pain then others
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Princess_g
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Im due for my period in two weeks last month I started on the 20th
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September
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This article also talks about possible causes for breast tenderness: Abreast: The Basics of Boobies

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Princess_g
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So I shouldn't worry about pregnancy in the situation i was in??
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Princess_g
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So I shouldn't worry about pregnancy in the situation i was in??
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Princess_g
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I dont know why i feel like this, I am scared And i dont really talk to the guy thaat this happened with so it scares me even more, I dont know if its because i feel guilty or because it was something I was not ready for or because or what it is, I know we didnt have sex but im just scared that he stuck his penis inside of me even if it was just the tip, and the weird part was that i was conscious through the whole situation.
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Sam W
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Hi Princess,

As we've said before, intercourse is not something subtle, and since you were conscious the whole time you would have noticed if it had occurred. So, given that and the fact that the other activities you described pose no risk of pregnancy, pregnancy is not what's happening here.

Would you like to talk about some of the reasons you think you might be feeling so stressed in spite of the info you have? Reading this article might give you a place to start:
You're Not Pregnant. Why Do You think You Are?

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Heather
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I think you might also want to go back to some of the feelings you suggest you may be having with this, like guilt or not being ready.

Feeling freaked out about those things? That's pretty much a given. But the best way to manage those kinds of feelings is to focus on them, rather than distracting yourself with imagined situations or things that are highly unlikely.

You said you think you may not have felt ready and/or feel guilty: I assume you said those things because those are feelings you are having?

If so, would you like to talk about what you can do to process those feelings and move forward?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Princess_g
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heather and sam thank you for the responses yes i would like to talk about some things I feel guilty of what happen because i really was not ready for that. At some point in my life when im older i do wants kids and and a family but, to be honest i was in a relationship for a year with my ex boyfriend and my beliefs on sex are i want to wait until I get married or i least until I find someone that I would want to be with for a long time, But im so scared to have sex, That was one of the problems i ha with my ex boyfriend he became sexually frustrated and that would cause us to fight., All he did was remind me that he has sacrificed alot to be with me because at our age girl are already having sex but I couldn't do it and to be honest I dont know if ill be ready I am very emotional person and i dont want to deal with the fact of having sex and then the guy leaving me
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Princess_g
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heather and sam thank you for the responses yes i would like to talk about some things I feel guilty of what happen because i really was not ready for that. At some point in my life when im older i do wants kids and and a family but, to be honest i was in a relationship for a year with my ex boyfriend and my beliefs on sex are i want to wait until I get married or i least until I find someone that I would want to be with for a long time, But im so scared to have sex, That was one of the problems i ha with my ex boyfriend he became sexually frustrated and that would cause us to fight., All he did was remind me that he has sacrificed alot to be with me because at our age girl are already having sex but I couldn't do it and to be honest I dont know if ill be ready I am very emotional person and i dont want to deal with the fact of having sex and then the guy leaving me
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Princess_g
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I dont know if im just scared of the idea to have sex or was it that i knew that my ex boyfriend was not the guy i wanted to be the first because I knew we weren't going to last. I was attracted to him on that level but for some reason when it came to sex i couldn't do it with him, and when we broke up that jerk told me that No one would ever wait that long for sex
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Heather
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What your ex said was actuallty really coercive. At any age -- be it 16 or 46 -- some people are engaging in sex at a given time, and some are not, for any number of reasons. That someone is a given age never, ever means they "should" be having sex or a given kind of sex. Whether or not sex, of any kind, is something we want and feel good about is highly individual and situational.

By all means, we can always be with partners where they -- or we -- leave or the relationships changes. That's just a part of life and relationships, and not something we can ever be sure we can avoid.

However, when a person really does feel ready, one of the things they will be ready to handle, even if it sucks, is if and when that happens. In other words, it will not feel so terrifying when it really is the right time, situation and relationship for you.

I hear you saying you want to save being sexual for marriage or a relationship you're pretty sure will be long-term. And you get to do that! So, now you know, and can make choices based on what you want.

Do you feel able to set those kinds of limits with people? If not, we can certainly talk with you some about how to do that, and how to feel more able to do that.

With this recent situation, why do you feel like you are having a hard time letting go of it as something where you tried a thing, found out it didn't feel right, so put a stop on it, and it did stop? Any sense of why you're having trouble just kind of filing this as a live-and-learn moment?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Princess_g
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Thats just it I dont know if the fear of having sex will ever go away. Its more of the consequences that can happen like pregnancy and Std. I think Thats why i would feel more comfortable waiting but I dont know if ill ever be ready.

And I do want to stick with that, Right now I am talking to a guy and he is really good to me, I dont think he knows im a virgin, and he has had previews girlfriends. I know that being a virgin still is sacred I least it is to me i dont see it as a bad thing but I dont know how he would take it. I was with my last boyfriend for a year and we never had sex, I just feel like guys become sexually frustrated really quick and that puts pressure on me,

and with this moment to be honest I have no idea it might have to do with the fact that this was something new for me and also the guilt that i felt afterwards, and I over think alot, and thats a problem that i have. I am a nervous person so after what happened I panicked,

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Stephanie_1
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You know, in time - that fear can ans will go away. Part of that comes in knowing that at that time you're with someone that makes you feel safe, that you know knows and understands the risks as well as you do. Also, when you're ready not only emotionally but monetarily ready to deal with those risks. Knowing how to best protect yourself, and having the means to have a back-up plan (such as money for Plan B, etc should something go wrong. That all comes in time, and when the time is right for you, those fears become manageable even if there's still some worry there about those things. For instance, I still worry about pregnancy risk (though I know my partner and I are both STI free, we tested together) - but I know at this time in my life should BC fail, I have EC at my home, a pregnancy test here, and am ready to make any decision concerning pregnancy I need to should that be the case.

Someone having been sexual before doesn't mean that they want to now, or feel they need to again right now. And as far as someone's reaction, well we can't ever really know until we say something, but I'd let him know when you're ready that you're proud of that decision and why, it helps people to understand how we think and feel. And if someone wants sex when that's not on the table - masturbation IS okay. And that's a choice anyone can make if they're feeling they need or want a release from however they may feel. But it's NOT someone else duty or responsibility, nor their fault if someone is feeling they want sex. We don't owe anyone sex.

Also, however we react to anything is how we react. We can try to work on not overthinking things, but in the end it may still happen. In some ways, we have to look at the past as a previous chapter in our lives. It's still part of our life, but we can move past that section of the book and look forward - sometimes we need help to do that. Hope this helps [Smile]

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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Heather
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It also sounds to me like a step you can take here is just putting your stuff out there.

In other words, tell this guy what your limits are, do not keep them to yourself and worry and wonder. If he is not cool with them, you need to know that, because then obviously this guy is not going to be a good fit for you, and continuing to date probably is not such a good idea.

If he is cool with them, then you get to let go of the worries he will not be, and not feel so pressured.

And as a general rule, if you feel pressured for sex, you also can be putting this stuff out there right away with anyone so you do not wind up in those situations. Take it or leave it may be a motto you are helped by adopting more often. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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This piece may also be of use to you: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/what_if_i_never_want_or_feel_ready_for_sex

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Princess_g
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Okay so i got my period on the 18th of thi month and i thought it finished on the 23rd but when i just went to the bathroom right now and when i wiped myself there was light blood on my discharge, its starting to scare me because thats never happened to me before is that normal?
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Princess_g
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Okay so i got my period on the 18th of thi month and i thought it finished on the 23rd but when i just went to the bathroom right now and when i wiped myself there was light blood on my discharge, its starting to scare me because thats never happened to me before is that normal?
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