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Author Topic: STD risk with oral sex
Member # 110000

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So I've been with my boyfriend, monogamously and continuously, for a long time, about 3 years, since we were like 13. We're very close, and really comfortable with each other but had mutually decided to wait for sexual activity (until manual sex pretty recently) to make sure we don't regret anything too much that would overcomplicate our high school years, more than necessary, haha. We've recently decided to start basically opening up the idea of oral sex for discussion; he wants to try it and I do too, but even though we're both virgins (100% no doubt, only sexual contact ever is manual sex, and only with each other) but I think I would feel more comfortable using a condom if we decided to have oral sex. (in my mind, not only does this eliminate the awkward "spit or swallow" question, but the admittedly unlikely chance of spreading sti's). We can easily get a hold of condoms and he is 100% open to using them if it makes me feel more comfortable, but he feels they're unnecessary in our situation where we know each other's (lack of a) sexual past 100% since we've been together so long and have a lot of trust. I would be open to accepting a bit of risk if it's as relatively unlikely as I've been led to believe, and if it will substantially improve the experience for him physically; I've been a little worried by all the online commenters in a google search that claimed "they can't feel anything/ could never orgasm from.." a blowjob with a condom. I'm in a position to get sti testing (I'll be driving soon and have a supportive mom), but it would be sort of difficult for him, otherwise this would be a lot easier. Sorry about all the semi-unnecessary background info, okay, major actual questions:
1. If we're both totally new to sexual contact, what is the chances of getting an STI/STD from unprotected oral sex?
2. I get oral cold sores on occasion a couple times a year, and I've heard that it's possible for the virus to "shed" even when there's not an active cold sore outbreak- is this true, and would it put my boyfriend at risk even if I didn't actively have a cold sore/feel one coming on? Would this necessitate condoms even if we were otherwise STD free?

Thanks in advance, sorry for the relative lengthiness.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Apr 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

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hi enna!

It sounds to me like you've done lots of really good thinking about what you are and aren't comfortable with. I would say if you've considered this all then any decision is good!

I'm sure we can help you get hold of condoms though, whereabouts are you based?

From our article on STI risks from different activities:

Originally from :
Stimulating someone's vulva externally (the mons, outer or inner labia, clitoris, vaginal opening or perineum) and/or internally (the vagina) with the mouth, tongue or lips.
Level of STI risk: Moderate risk
Infections at possible risk of: chancroid, chlamydia, cytomegalovirus (CMV), gonorrhea, HSV type 1 and/or type 2, HIV (rare), HPV, nongonococcal urethritis (NGU), syphilis

It's hard to guess the exact likelihood of you passing on HSV-I because it is going to vary and some coldsores might not be felt or visible... the chances are going to be a heckuva lot lower if you have don't think you have sores (and maybe don't) and reduced by around another 70% if you use a condom... but not completely eliminated.

So it's not like there's ever going to be a situation where there's 'no risk' it's just about what level of protection you're comfortable with... I'm afraid I can't quite tell you that with a number!

When it comes to the physical sensation and making oral sex pleasurable, it's never going to be a matter of simply where there's a barrier or not... just as with any sex a bit of communication about what sort of movements feel good and dong it that way is what's much more likely to make a difference... I agree that most messages about what feels best as per condoms is over-emphasised.

[ 04-27-2014, 11:23 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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