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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » What should I do?

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Author Topic: What should I do?
trev343343
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I feel like all I have been doing for the past half year is been worried about a pregnancy risk even though none of the things I ever did is a real pregnancy risk. I don't know what to do, should I go to the doctors is there a medication so I don't worry or anything like that? I know I must be annoying you guys so much but this is the only site where I feel I can turn to to get factual information and advice.
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trev343343
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It's also where I cant really enjoy anything, I don't know if this is a kind of depression.
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Redskies
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With the kind of repeated, intense worry you've expressed to us, yes, the most helpful thing you can likely do for yourself is to go to a healthcare provider.

This isn't our area of expertise, and nobody should diagnose anything over the internet anyway, but yes, what you've been describing to us suggests that getting assessed for anxiety would be a good idea. Ongoing anxiety does often make someone feel very miserable and low, unable to stop thinking about what's worrying them, and unable to enjoy other things.

A mental healthcare provider would be the right person to suggest ways of helping you. Sometimes medication can be part of that, but it depends on the individual person's needs.

Do you know how to access healthcare?

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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trev343343
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No
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trev343343
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I'm also afraid to let my parents know
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trev343343
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I'm also afraid to let my parents know
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Sam W
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OK, so a sound next step for you is to figure out what kinds of mental health services you can access. Is there a particular reason you are concerned about discussing this with your parents?
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trev343343
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I don't want them to know i have been engaging in sexual activities
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Sam W
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Just so you know, there is no way to guarantee that they won't find that out/don't already know. That's always a good thing to keep in mind when choosing to be sexually active.

Beyond that, you may not necessarily have to go into details. It may help to focus more on the anxiety aspect and that you'd like to see someone about it, rather than on the fact that you've been sexual.

We may also be able to give you a sense if there are any mental health resources available to you that wouldn't involve your parents, if that's something you'd like info on.

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trev343343
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Is there any articles that I may have not been linked to me that will try to help? It's weird even though me and my gf never engaged in genital rubbing or intercourse (only fingering, dry sex with at least 2 layers and I touched my bare penis against her bare hip) I start to worry about 24-25 days into her cycle that her period will not come.
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Heather
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Our articles are not treatments for anxiety or irrational fears: they can't be.

We have already given you all the information there is to make clear your concerns here are not based in realistic risks of pregnancy. Now you, too, have developed an awareness that this is truly, clearly, about something else, like anxiety or depression.

So, the next step is to seek out qualified help there from a mental healthcare provider.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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trev343343
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tomorrow her period is due and if it does not come I don't know how I will be
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Redskies
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I think you and us already know that you are, and you would be, deeply, deeply worried and unable to stop thinking about her period.

We can't do anything to stop you feeling like that. I wish we could! We know that it's a horrible way to feel, and we don't want you to feel like that.

The best suggestion I can make to you is to use this horrible way you are feeling as a motivation and a drive to do what you need to do to get out of it long-term. That's getting healthcare. I know it feels hard, but truly, it will be much, much better than going through this month after month.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Heather
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Trev, my friend, it is beyond clear you just need to figure out how to take care of yourself here. Take care of YOURSELF.

That isn't something you do continuing to ask us or anyone like us to talk you down off a ledge or magically make these fears and anxieties go away with endless facts or statistics, especially since we all already have had it made very clear that is not having an impact.

Rather, it looks to me like taking care of yourself here is going to involve stepping back from any sexual activity that scares you -- or whose possible, even if improbable, consequences scare you. Then taking the time to get some healthcare to evaluate what's going on in your head here, and what you need in order to make changes in how you are thinking and feeling *and* figure out what the sexual choices are that you DO feel totally good about, rather than freaked by.

We can't do any of this for you, beyond helping you figure out where you can look for that kind of care and holding our own lines about what we both do not have the capacity to do, need to set limits in doing, and encouraging you to do the things we are suggesting here we do know, from being experienced in this work, are most likely to help you out.

You've put a whole lot of time and energy into freaking out, clearly. The good news is you can put just a fraction of that time and energy into really taking care of yourself here and taking steps that most likely WILL really help you out and see results, probably pretty quickly, no less. So, how about making that switch?

You can even just start with a short list of starting steps, like:
1. No more sex for me that freaks me out, that I do not feel totally good about, or where I feel (even if unreasonably so) at risk of anything I can't handle or don't want to.
2. Talk to a general family doctor or school counselor to find out where I can get evaluated for depression, anxiety or both.
3. Add extra self-care to the mix, and start ditching things that instead increase anxiety, like staying online in areas or topics that I know create anxiety for me.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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trev343343
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If she gets her period which should be tomorrow, I am definitely going to talk to her and tell her everything, which I should of done last time.
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trev343343
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she had breast tenderness for a a few days ago and today she told me she had a headache so I am hoping its PMS symptoms
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Karybu
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Seriously, Trev, you have got to get some mental healthcare to help you with your anxiety. We can talk about your girlfriend's possible PMS symptoms until we're all blue in the face, but I think you know that's not going to be helpful. The steps Heather suggested are a really good starting place.

So. Can we help you find some resources in your area to get you that healthcare? Feel free to toss your postal code up here and we can have a look. You can also talk to your parents - doesn't need to be anything more specific than you're having a lot of anxiety - to see if they can help you get a doctor's appointment to talk about this.

[ 04-17-2014, 09:00 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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trev343343
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I know I need to abstain from sexual things. Honestly the only thing I freak out about is this pregnancy scares like you guys have told me numerous times that I need to abstain I know I must do that to avoid getting in this situation again. I also know that I am very close to being banned.
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Karybu
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I'm not sure you're hearing me.

You need to see a doctor.

Abstaining from sexual activity might help a bit, but what you really need is help from a mental healthcare professional, and your doctor will be able to connect you with one. It doesn't matter that your anxiety is only about pregnancy. It's still interfering in a big way with your life and it's not going to go away on its own. It is beyond our abilities to help you with this level of anxiety, so I'm setting a limit here: we will not be engaging in further conversations with you around pregnancy risks, anxiety, any of that, anymore. At all. If you want our help finding a way to get the healthcare you need, we will help you with that, but everything else is off the table.

I'm going to close this thread, because I feel like discussing this further with you will just keep you sort of trapped here, and keep you from getting the care you need. Any topics you start that are NOT related to getting in-person treatment will also be closed.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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