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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Rubbing and Symptom Concerns

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Author Topic: Rubbing and Symptom Concerns
celica2003
Neophyte
Member # 109464

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Hi Scarleteen,

11 days ago my fiance wanted to have sex. I have been on the birth control pill for months and never miss pills, but after a pregnancy scare a couple months ago I have tried discussing with him possibly limiting our sexual activity to only things that can't lead to pregnancy until we're married (which will be about a year from now). That particular night, he didn't have a condom with him and I was very uncomfortable with the idea of us actually having sex. Finally I agreed to only let him rub around the general area and washed the outside area with soap and water as soon as we were finished. At first I wasn't worried because he never actually went inside me, but now it's been 11 days and my breasts are very sore and my appetite is kind of off. If anything, maybe a tiny amount of pre-ejaculate could have gotten on the very outer edge of my vagina. I haven't missed any of my birth control pills, but could pregnancy symptoms like sore breasts and nausea occur 11 days after sexual activity?

Thank you so much in advance for your time!

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Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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It sounds like you're describing contact between both of your naked genitals, yes? Just without any entry? This does pose a pregnancy risk, but it's a minor one, and as you're taking birth control pills it's very unlikely that pregnancy could result here.

The only way to know if you're pregnant or not is to take a test; the physical symptoms you're describing would be unlikely to show up so early in pregnancy and can have a host of other causes as well. So, if you're worried, you could wait a few days and take a pregnancy test.

What I do want to address here is that it sounds like your partner isn't really receptive to the idea of limiting sexual activities you aren't comfortable with. You say you've tried discussing this with him - how have those discussions gone?

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celica2003
Neophyte
Member # 109464

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Thank so much for the information! Yes it was contact between naked genitals, and that does make me feel much better about the symptoms. I thought they might be a combination of stressing about it and the hormones in my pill.

Honestly, the conversations I have had with him about it have not gone super well...He says he understands what I'm saying but then puts pressure on me until I change my mind. It's hard for me, because I do want to have sex with him but the idea of a possible pregnancy is something that really scares me right now. I am actually currently seeing a counselor to try to find a more effective way to talk to him about it.

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Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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Your counselor may have some ideas that might help, but honestly this isn't about YOU and effective communication, but about HIM ignoring your wishes.
It is never ok for someone to pressure a partner for certain types of sex, or sex in general.

I think this article would be helpful for you to read - and to have him read as well. Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent

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celica2003
Neophyte
Member # 109464

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Thanks so much for the advice and the link! You are definitely right and the article makes some very very good points...A lot of the time when I say I am not comfortable with intercourse, he says things that make me feel really guilty about saying no until I change my mind. That isn't the same thing as consent. Thank you SO much for your help!
Posts: 10 | From: Georgia | Registered: Jan 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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