Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » advice for a serious issue?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: advice for a serious issue?
rhcpgirl
Neophyte
Member # 109418

Icon 9 posted      Profile for rhcpgirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
a few weeks ago, I made the mistake of going out with a once-was friend. we were supposed to kind of have a catch up night. We started drinking, and I drank too much. I blacked out in his truck, and the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital at 3 am. The nurses told me my parents found me in my front yard half naked and passed out on the ground. I was hypothermic (my body temp was 90 when they put me in the ambulance) and I had alcohol poisoning. When I woke up, the first thing they asked me as if I was assaulted. I said no, I couldn't remember. They took me to another hospital about an hour later and around 8 am they did a rape kit, gave me emergency contraception, and a bunch of other antibiotics to protect from any sti's. They came back in later and said by the looks of what they found they had evidence to assume I was raped. My "friend" is now facing DUI, minor in possession, careless and reckless behavior, and providing alcohol to another minor. I haven't talked to him since that night and I'm tired of not knowing truly what happened. I hate just being told, "you were raped but you can't remember it." I feel like not remembering is worse than remembering, and I'm afraid of flashbacks coming later on. I'm also afraid of having to go to court. I hate not having anyone to talk to about it either. any advice on things I can do to make this whole ordeal less stressful?
Posts: 2 | From: Georgia | Registered: Jan 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
wilcatgirl
Activist
Member # 109425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for wilcatgirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Do you have anyone you can talk to?
Posts: 111 | From: Tucson, Arizona | Registered: Jan 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
rhcpgirl
Neophyte
Member # 109418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for rhcpgirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
at this point, everyone wants to talk about it. All of his friends know what happened with the drinking and me being hospitalized, but they don't know about the sexual assault. They find it funny to ask me about what happened although he and I aren't supposed to be discussing the matter publicly.

My friends and parents are all interested on how I'm taking everything but talking about it is easier said than done. I know my parents are stressed about it but they don't fully understand how depressed and anxious I've become since then. My friends are here for me but they can't relate to my situation either.

Posts: 2 | From: Georgia | Registered: Jan 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
wilcatgirl
Activist
Member # 109425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for wilcatgirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i find it comforting to talk to complete strangers about my situations. i feel like its easier to talk openly….and not feel judged.
Posts: 111 | From: Tucson, Arizona | Registered: Jan 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Edith_*
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 107716

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Edith_*     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hello rhcpgirl! I'm sorry this happened to you.

The first thing I want to say is that: drinking too much NEVER gives anyone the right to hurt us. While I can understand you saying that going out and drinking was a "mistake", if someone hurts us the fault is ALWAYS going to fall on them.

Being told that something bad happened to us and not being able to know exactly what, sure can feel frustrating, so I hear you when you say that not remembering is worse than remembering. You said you were at the hospital and got healthcare: did anyone there offered you the option to talk with an advocate or gave you any resources? If not, that's something we -- if you are interested -- can help you with.

The whole legal process can feel pretty scary but there are poeple who can help you with this, if this is what you want. Do you want some help finding that people?

There are some thing you can do to make the healing process less hard. You can talk with a consuelor if you want to. You can keep talking to us too if you think that would help. There are also books that you could read. Basically is going to be about what you feel more comfortable doing.

--------------------
"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

Posts: 420 | From: Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
wilcatgirl
Activist
Member # 109425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for wilcatgirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
you can talk to me about it
Posts: 111 | From: Tucson, Arizona | Registered: Jan 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Molias     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi rchpgirl,

I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you; it sounds like a confusing and overwhelming experience. I can certainly understand if you don't feel comfortable or have been asked not to tell your friends all the details of the situation, but if their questions are stressing you out it's totally ok to say "hey you might think this is funny, but it was a bad situation and I'd rather not talk about it" and expect them to respect that boundary.

Did anyone at the hospital talk to you about helping access support around this? If not, I think a rape crisis center could be a really helpful place to start. A place like RAINN can help you find a local center or hotline, or if you like we can try to find one for you (we'd just need your town or zipcode). There's also Pandora's Project which is a support and resource center for survivors of sexual assault.

We're also happy to have a conversation with you about any of this here. =)

(also, wilcatgirl, I'm glad you want to help and be supportive, but this section of the boards is for staff and volunteer responses only.)

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Edith_*
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 107716

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Edith_*     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hello there wilcatgirl!

While is always great to see our users help each other, and I'm sure you have the best intentions to help, the answers here must come from Staff and Volunteers. But thank you very much for stepping up and help, I bet it is well appreciated. [Smile]

--------------------
"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

Posts: 420 | From: Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen