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Author Topic: Dry
Melody96
Neophyte
Member # 109436

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Hi, I started having sex with my boyfriend for the first time about 4 months ago. During sex sometimes I get dry. This is really upsetting me lately because I really love my partner and I don't want him to think that I don't want him or that he doesnt please me enough, plus I get dry even when I really want to continue having sex with him. Sometimes I think this happens because maybe I am still adjusting to sex because Im new to it, and I get scared that I might not be ready, but we ve already been having sex for 4 months and I feel fine about it. The only thing that scares me is how my parents would react if they ever found out I was having sex, I come from a religious family that taught me since I was young that having sex before marriage is a sin. Maybe the anxiety of my family every finding out causes me to get dry and not be able to have fun ? I am on birth control pills and this makes me feel safer, we almost always use condoms. Please help, everytime we have sex I get really upset when this happens.

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*Melody*

Posts: 11 | From: England | Registered: Jan 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi Melody and Welcome to Scarleteen,

It's not at all unusual for someone to not stay as wet as they wish they could during sexual activity. Getting dry doesn't mean that you're not enjoying what you're doing, or that you don't care about your partner. [Smile] The idea that if a person has a vagina, and is sexually aroused,they'll produce tons of their own wetness doesn't actually apply to everyone. We all vary *a lot* in how much wetness we produce.

Many people just don't produce enough of their own lubrication to make sexual activity comfortable. Added to that, one of the things the birth control pill does is to thicken cervical mucus, which often makes things feel dryer and stickier for people who take the pill.

Plus, our bodies just don't make enough llubrication to counteract the friction of condoms.

again, there's nothing wrong with you, and while being worried about what someone thinks of your choice to have sex can affect how you feel, its generally not going to make the difference between whether you are able to produce as much wetness as you think you should, or not.

The best and easiest fix here is to use a store-bought water-based lubricant. You want to be using that when you use condoms anyway, as too much friction can increase the chances of the condom breaking.

You can get a good water-based lubricant at any drugstore. They often put it near the condoms.

Here's more information about lube, and about why many people with vaginas don't get as wet as they'd like:

Lube 101: A Slick Little primer

The I-Don't-Want-to-Use-Lube Blues

Lubricant (Not Diamonds) Is A Girl's Best Friend

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Melody96
Neophyte
Member # 109436

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Thanks a lot ! One more thing, Are birth control pills enough to keep me safe from pregnancy ? As I said before, we normally always use condoms but sometimes I think its abit stupid to use a condom when I know i'm already protected (given that I know my partners history and I'm not so worried about getting an STI)

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*Melody*

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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You're welcome. [Smile]

No birth control method is going to provide 100% protection against becoming pregnant.

Here's some information about the birth control pill to help you decide whether you're comfortable with the level of protection it can give you on its own.

Combined Oral Contraceptives (The Pill)

Three questions about taking the birth control pill (and plenty of answers)

here, too, is some information on the levels of protection against pregnancy using two birth control methods (such as pill and condom) can provide: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method


Here's the thing about STIs: Unless you and your partner have both recently been tested, it's not really sound to go without safer sex practices that reduce the risks of STI transmission. Knowing each other's history doesn't tell either of you whether you have contracted an STI or not. Getting tested doesn't mean neither of you trusts the other; it means you're taking care of yourselves and each other. So, what I'd suggest is that if you want to ditch the condoms, you both first go for STI tests. It's sound once people have started partnered sexual activities to be getting regular sexual healthcare anyway. [Smile]

Here's some more information on safer sex.

Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Melody96
Neophyte
Member # 109436

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Those links really helped , thanks again [Smile] ! I worry a lot about pregnancy but i've researched about the pill, so i'm starting to relax a bit because from what i read i'm classified as a perfect user. My partner never ejaculated when we had sex without a condom, so I guess that puts me in the safe zone. And what you said about getting a test is a good idea, Thanks [Big Grin] !!

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*Melody*

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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You're welcome. [Smile]

Just so you know, the "perfect use" numbers are calculated based on studies in the lab, so it's generally unlikely that any one in a everyday situation will have that level of effectiveness. What we say here is that if you use the pill exactly as directed, never miss any in a given cycle (so long as you start a new package on time, whatever happened in the previous cycle doesn't affect things) you can figure your effectiveness level is somewhere between those listed for typical use and those listed for perfect use.

If there's anything else you need, just let us know. [Smile]

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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