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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » comdom only fit 3 quarters down my shaft

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Author Topic: comdom only fit 3 quarters down my shaft
lemontea1234
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Member # 109298

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Hi everyone,
I have been freaking out this past 3 days. I had sex with an older woman in her mid 30s. Before we started having sex I put on the condom but the condom was extremely tight. I had trouble rolling it all the way down to the base. The condom killed my erection a little bit but I was hard enough to start having sex. After about five minutes I gave up cause I was not feeling a lot of friction or maybe I was not far enough in? I have not had much sex, maybe once every few years. I didn't even come close to ejaculating at all. When I pulled out, the condom was still 3 quarters the way down my shaft much the same as it was at the beginning, I don't think there was any slippage and certainly never slid off. Condom was also still fully intact. When I took it off, I checked for anything that could remotely look like cum but all I could see were what looked like a few tiny speaks of clear water or sweat within the condom. The tip of the condom reservoir had zero nadda drop of anything in it. I was thinking if I had of precum it would have went in there. Condom also looked to be very dry inside.

I went to the bathroom an filled it up with water cause during sex the woman kept asking me to check the condom to make sure it was not ripped an then I started getting a little paranoid about it myself so I was more than happy to call it quits. When I filled it with water it held the water just like a water balloon would an there were no leaks. I normally would not have given this a second thought but when I came home I checked the internet an read all these horror stories on yahoo answers an the like and it freaked me out an left me in a very worried panicked state. I already go to therapy but I couldnt bring myself to confess this incident on Wednesdays therapy session a day after the fact.

The woman was not on the pill but used EC 6 hours after the fact when I texted her about what I read on yahoo. This has taught me two things. I won't be having sex until I am in love & in a relationship. I won't have sex again until I am stable minded enough to deal with risks that come with it, the internet has scared some sense into me in that it gave me some perspective that I was not fully aware of that I am not looking to have children, well at least not at this stage of my life. Can anyone tell me if I need to be worried here? Thanks

Posts: 5 | From: uk | Registered: Jan 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi Lemontea1234 and welcome to Scarleteen,

Nothing you've described here sounds like a condom failure. In future, you will want to find condoms that fit you better; this may take some experimentation with different brands.

It's never necessary to check the condom by putting water in it. When a condom tears, it rips or shreds noticeably, much as a balloon does. There aren't going to be holes or slits invisible to the naked eye. [Smile]


Given all the scary stories you read on Yahoo (which generally is not a reliable source of accurate information) it sounds like you could use some more facts about condoms and condom use. You might find the information in this article helpful: Condom Basics: A User's Manual

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lemontea1234
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Hi Robin,
Thank you for the quick reply. The link you gave me doesn't take me to the condom users manual, it takes me to a bunch of other interesting articles I have been reading into. I must say this site has a wealth of good information about sex and relationships. Is it OK for me to stop worrying myself to death over what happened then? I have exams on the 20 th an what happened has been really consuming me an interfering with my revision studies to the point where I have unable to concentrate on what I'm doing, its like I can't switch off the consistent worry.

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Sorry about the link. We're in the middle of a big site redesign and many of the links are changing. Here's the correct link to the condom-users manual.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexual_health/condom_basics_a_users_manual


Pregnancy resulting from what you describe is really,really unlikely, so while I can't tell you to stop worrying (just as I can't tell you to stop feeling any other emotion you might have) I can say that there's nothing fact-based to worry about here.

it sounds like you're really definite on not wanting to engage in partnered sexual activity again until you're feeling a lot more secure about sex. Is there anything related to this that it'd be helpful for you to discuss here?

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Robin

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lemontea1234
Neophyte
Member # 109298

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I am going to try an ease up a bit an chalk it up to experience or lack of.

I read the article link you sent me an while I knew the basics about pinching the tip of the condom before rolling the condom down my penis, I had no idea that a few drops of condom lube was key to making this task so much easier. I never knew about holding onto the base of the condom when pulling out either.
I am dead set on not engaging in sex with women I barely know and until i get the rest of my life in order which I have been doing a just a few steps away from the profession I have been working so hard to be in. Plus any sex I have ever had has been less than enjoyable. In the past I have struggled with erections ever since I found a lump on my testicle that I thought was cancerous but turned out to be cyst. Ever since that day my erections have been weak. Semi hard. I talked to two doctors and one run blood tests years ago and said my testosterone hormone levels were fine. The other doctor said i just have performance anxiety an gave me not Viagra but cialis I think it was called. It worked but how can you have performance anxiety when masterbating too? My sex life was ruined after I found that lump before it even had the chance to begin. Each time I tried having sex with a few different girlfriends I had trouble getting it in an usually from there on in the relationship would die a death, not because of the girl but because of the sheer embarrassment and disgrace I felt on my end that I could no longer see a future in the relationship. Since then I have been with a few one nighters thinking that something might change an the end result is the same, i can't get it in properly an that's even with the cialis which isnt working as well anymore. Sex from my little experience has proven to be really hard work which is a shame cause I am fit and healthy otherwise and I eat healthy. The solution is not with the doctors cause they don't want to look further into it as they think it is apropiate to sell young fellas viagra /cialsis instead of getting to the root of the problem. I have touched on this subject with my therapist aswell but she is more interested in my abusive childhood and has pretty much over looked what was a very touchy subject for me to bring up. It took a lot for me to come clean to my therapist who is a woman that I can't get a proper hardon and very little morning wood. Big penis with not enough power behind it an this has been going on for years now ever since the testicle lump discovery. Thanks for letting me vent. But I am not getting enough out of sex to continue on at it. I lived this long without it, I think I will put my energy into something else other than chasing women like sky diving and base jumping there after. Some people just aren't fit for relationships, I you can't satisfy your lover with proper sex then your only denying her someone else who can by turning her into an emotional prisoner. Life sucks to a certain degree for everybody, but I will just have to make up for my inabilities to have normal sex by amplifying other aspects of my life that are fun.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Sounds like, if possible, you might benefit from seeing if you can't see a sex therapist, someone whose background is in situations and feelings like yours, and who will gladly work on that with you rather than focusing on the whole of your life or childhood.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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lemontea1234
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Hey Heather,
Thanks for weighing in. I will most likely find someone who can help in the sexual aspect of my life without drug intervention if it really is just an emotional block that's working against me having proper erections. Once I pass my exams few weeks & get my job placement I will seek help.

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Heather
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Well, and a sex therapist would likely also work with you to learn to put less weight on erection as what your sexuality, or sex with others is all about in the first place, too.

Because even when body parts are all working exactly as we want them to be -- and bodies being what they are, even in "perfect" form, that just is not going to happen sometimes -- that view of oneself sexually, and of sexual interaction, can really be limiting (limiting to you, but also limiting to partners who, for instance, likely will not be satisfied just by an erection or intercourse). And eventually, in life, a bunch of our parts won't "work" the way we want them to, often without there being any medical approaches to change that, so that's one more reason to work to adjust these views so you can get more comfortable and feel less gutted if and when you don't have a body part function the way you want it to.

But indeed, they also will help you evaluate the function of your penis and address any medical issues you are having right now, too, or refer you to someone -- like a urologist -- who can.

In a word, a sex therapist won't blow this off. They understand very well how the way you are feeling, and how sexuality in general, can have a huge impact on your quality of life.

[ 01-10-2014, 05:24 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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lemontea1234
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Wow. I come on here scared senseless over what happened Tuesday past because of all the yahoo answer horror stories. Never did I think that I would come away with not only learning how to maximize contraception but also that I may also have a chance to fix what I had pretty much had given up in. After Tuesday I had all but packed in the idea of future sex and a relationship with someone else in the future because of the lack of being able to perform and even enjoy what was happening, I was so damn nervous, shaking like a leaf. And the idea of getting the woman pregnant never occurred to me much until I goggled it. That in itself has been enough for me to call it a day with sex. I think my next step will be get my exams over me. Get my job placement, see a urologist, then see a sex therapist. If they are able to fix me then I will put myself back out in the field again but not beforehand. Sex outside a proper loving relationship to me is worthless and it is even more worthless if you are not able to enjoy it either. Thanks for putting my mind at ease, have been a nervous wreak all week not to mention disappointed in myself.
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Sam W
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Glad you've been finding the site helpful, and good luck with your exams
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