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Author Topic: Am I THAT bad??
Member # 108777

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Okay, so I was a virgin until I started dating this boy. We're dating for a few months, then finally took it to the next step. He wasn't a virgin, but like I said, I was. I really love this guy. Sex has just brought us closer, and I feel I can be myself around him. I'm really self conscious, always feeling like I'm not good enough. But, he's never ashamed of me. Idk why he would be, I just don't feel that special. He's just so caring, and he has absolutely no shame in telling his friends he's dating me. One if his friends actually told me my boyfriend was telling the guys at the school he goes to that he's dating a really hot chick. He always tells me I'm beautiful, even when I'm a total mess, and his whole family loves me, and it's just so great. However, since we've been having sex, idk, I just feel in bad at it. I was giving him a blow job, and he actually started giving himself a hand job, I'm terrible at hand jobs, I can't go fast, and when giving a blow job I can't deep throat. Anyways, I was at this blow job for like 5 minutes, and once he started givin himself a hand job while I sucked on the tip he got off in like 20 seconds. Am I seriously that bad that he needs to assist me? He never complains, actually enjoys himself (with his help), but neither of us ever orgasm during sex. Not kidding, we've gone at it for over half an hour, we probably would've gone longer, but I got sore. We've been having sex for nearly a month, and I just feel I should be able to pleasure him better. I know I won't enjoy myself till he's enjoying himself. I also never know what to say during sex. His whisper is the sexiest thing I've ever heard. He'll ask do you like that? In like the sexiest voice, and of course I love it, but I don't know how to say that in a sexy way. I'll answer saying 'oh yea' or actually, 'oh yea' is really the only reply I've ever come up with. Help?
Posts: 5 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 107716

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Hi Forevercountry! Welcome to Scarleteen! [Smile]

I know that sometimes it could feel overwhelming when we think we don't have experience with something and others do, but I think is always important to remember that NOBODY knows how to do things with a new partner. I hear you saying that you were a virgin, and he wasn't, but the thing is: even if he had previous experience with other partners, he hadn't been sexual with you, so in some way he is learning too, you know? We all are so different and diverse, especially when it comes to sexuality, that is impossible to automatically know what to do in a new relationship. [Smile]

One of the best parts of a new relationship - sexual or not- is discovering what they - and us - like and enjoy, IMO. I can hear you saying that this is all new to you and that sometimes you don't know what to do or say, and that's absolutely okay. Sex and sexual relationships are a process too, and it should be a fun process you know? One that you enjoy and not one that stress you out.

Looks like you have a nice-caring partner who actually enjoys being with you. And if he "assists" you, like you said, it doesn't mean you are doing something wrong. Like, for example if you tell him something you like or don't, or if you move his hand to a place where you want to be touched, it doesn't have to mean that he is doing something wrong. Getting to know a partner takes time, and some try and error sometimes. But if you both do it with care and always taking in account the other person and their limits and boundaries it could be a very nice adventure.

Have you talked to your boyfriend and told him how you are feeling about this? If not, do you think it would be helpful to do it? Talking about sex is not something people do only when they are having sex you know? A conversation like this, voicing your feelings - and maybe his - is always a good thing to do. [Smile]

I'm going to leave these links for you, they can be really helpful:

Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

The Great No-Orgasm-From-Intercourse Conundrum

Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

I hope this helps a little!

If after reading those links you have questions or want to talk a little more, we are happy to do that. [Smile]

Ps. I think the sexiest thing to do with ANY partner is: be yourself. [Smile]

[ 11-12-2013, 01:41 AM: Message edited by: Edith_* ]

"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

Posts: 420 | From: Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 108777

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After having sex with him, we lay together, and we do talk. I thought it would be awkward, but it's really quite easy. I always apologize that I'm terrible at blow jobs, that I fail at them, and he says how it still is amazing, and that even though I can't deep throat, I'll learn. That's comforting to me, cause then I know he's patient about me learning to do these things. We even looked up sex positions, seeing if we wanted to try any new things out. He's been so good about all of this, and I know he only had sex twice with another girl. I really love him, and want to pleasure him, but no matter what, I feel like a failure. Also, I'm concerned about deep throating, I can hardly take a few inches, and I'm worried about my health if I go further. I have an awful gag reflex, is there any way to get rid of it?
Posts: 5 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi there,

I'm glad you and your partner are finding it easy to communicate about sex, and that he's being sensitive and supportive. I want to reiterate what Edith mentioned about how learning how to be with and pleasure a partner takes time. So don't be hard on yourself for having a learning curve.

As for oral sex, this might be a good bit of reading to answer some of your questions: Mouthing Off on Oral Sex

I want to add that, if you're finding that trying to deep throat is consistently uncomfortable, you don't have to do it. You don't have to so something that feels unpleasant just because it is seen as the "right" way to have that type of sex.

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Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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I just want to throw in another comment about deep throating - it's not at all something everyone is physically able to do. People have gag reflexes for a reason, and it's not necessarily something you can train your body to ignore.

It sounds like your boyfriend is giving you positive feedback on the sex you're having now, so maybe it's a good idea to focus on that, vs. pushing yourself to do something that's uncomfortable for you?

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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