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Author Topic: Ready or not? Too much on my mind..need advice
Brooke D.
Neophyte
Member # 108481

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Hey! So this will be my second post on here... but on a little different subject.

Last time I talked to some great people about taking a step back and re-thinking my limits and whatnot. So here's my first problem/situation.

I tried talking to my mother about birth control (and in a serious way). She acts as if she wants to avoid this topic whatsoever. She knows I'm in a serious relaltionship, and she approves of it, but she acts as if I either know absolutley nothing about sex, or she thinks I'm not ever going to want to do it... and well I sort of do at times. My parents haven't even given me the sex talk yet they are always over-protective of me on everything else...

But I think the biggest thing stressing me out...is my partner really wanting to have sex. He believes it will bring us closer and while I sometimes believe that too, I'm absolutely TERRIFIED of becoming pregnant.. and I've discussed this with him as well. He tells me he's afraid of that too but he says that everyone is and it's something I have to "overcome".

I know that when he wants to do it (homecoming night) I won't have BC yet...and I don't know if I can just trust a condom... so, how safe do you think I'll be if we use it properly? Again, I don't really have many people to talk about this to.. I just don't know if I should take the risk or not.

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BROOKE

Posts: 20 | From: U.S.A. | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Member # 25425

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I think that if you are not feeling ready to have sex yet, it is not a great to a idea to go ahead and do it anyway.

I can give you links to articles about protection and condoms (and I will, at the bottom of this post), but if you are terrified, as you put it, of getting pregnant, then it sounds like that's a good sign that you're just not there yet.

Sex in and of itself does not have the power to make you feel anything. What sex feels like and what it does to your relationship is all about the people and the context. So while sex can make people feel closer, it doesn't automatically do so. There are, however, other thigns you can do that may make you feel closer, and witout making you feel anxious and worried afterward: cuddling, for example, or having a deep, honest conversation.

Also, I wonder if, when you say sex, you mean only intercourse? Have you engaged in other sexual activities? How has that been going?

And here are the promised links:
What's Sex?
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Is THAT All There Is?
Birth Control Bingo!
Condom Basics: A User's Manual

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-joey
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 8995 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Brooke D.
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Member # 108481

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Thanks for the articles! They're really helpful..

And yes, I mean intercourse! I've engaged in oral sex, and that at the time was a HUGE deal, even. However It doesn't bother me much anymore. I guess you could say I "got over it", and I'm comfortable with it now. But with intercourse, there's even MORE risks involved and it is just really stressing me out to the max. I wish I was ready and didn't worry about it so much. It would make things a whole lot easier on me.. [Smile]

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BROOKE

Posts: 20 | From: U.S.A. | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
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I think any time you're feeling really worried about any kind of sex, that's a good sign that you probably want to wait a little while longer. I'm glad you're enjoying oral sex now, but I just don't think any kind of sex is going to feel great and be a good experience for anyone involved if you're focusing on "overcoming" your worries.

Especially since your boyfriend's giving you a specific time he'd like to have sex, it sounds like there's not a lot of room here for you to slow things down to the pace that feels best for you, not what fits into the calendar, if that makes sense. So how about asking him to let you be the one to initiate new sexual activity, when and if you're ready for it? That way you can give yourself some extra time to learn about birth control options and what you feel most comfortable with, as well as thinking about what does sound good to you in terms of various sexual activities.

I do want to echo part of what Joey said and note that intercourse isn't necessarily going to create a sense of closeness that other intimate activities can't. It absolutely can help people feel closer to each other, but a lot of other things can too, including sex that doesn't carry pregnancy risks and other nonsexual things that couples do together. So it may be worth talking with your boyfriend a little more about that to see what his expectations are.

Posts: 1125 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Brooke D.
Neophyte
Member # 108481

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You all are right... its just that even though I ENJOY doing "other" types of sex instead of going all the way in the moment, afterwards I still get scared that I'll get pregnant. I just can't get over that... I seriously think it's a psycological problem... [Frown]

And I keep telling myself that yeah, you obviously can't get pregnant from oral or manual sex...right?

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BROOKE

Posts: 20 | From: U.S.A. | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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