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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » 20something Questions: Confused, please help!

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Author Topic: 20something Questions: Confused, please help!
MissTK
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Member # 108531

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First of all, I'd like to thank everybody who's going to reply to this in advance. This site is really helping me so much and I'll try to keep this as short as short as I can.

Okay, so I'm a twenty-year-old female medical student and I've never been kissed, had a boyfriend, been touched by a guy or even looked at funny by a guy. Now I'm from a very traditional family who value it very much when girls "look after themselves" i.e. not have boyfriends or have sex before marriage, focus on studies, become successful... You know, that sort of thing.

When I was younger, I always thought that it was a good thing because my older cousins all had teenage pregnancies and my family only used this to enforce how "bad" sex is on me. So I grew up with this negative idea of anything intimate with a guy. As I started high school, the hormones hit and I suddenly had all these feelings that I didn't know how to handle and ALL my friends were being asked out and were dating and getting male attention while I was being rejected left, right and centre.

It was confusing and hurtful and it never changed and got to the point where I became clinically depressed because I was so desperate for guys to like me too. I hated myself and my body and everything about myself really because it only made sense that I was the problem because all my friends were dating.

I'm at university now and I still have the same problem. Recently, I was on Omegle and I met this guy who was just crazy about me. It made me uncomfortable because I didn't understand where it was coming from. He was so turned on by me and sent me all this sexual stuff and kept pressing me to get naked for him and do sexual stuff over the camera. I mean, I masturbate but it's a very private thing for me. It took me ages to stop feeling ashamed about it.

I didn't because I was uncomfortable and I didn't want him to see my body. We skyped and chatted for about 2 months but eventually called it quits mainly because he was much older than me (28) and wasn't doing anything with his life and I couldn't stand that but also because I didn't want to do any sexual things. It hurt but I don't know what to do anymore.

How do I overcome my issues about how I feel about myself? I know I'm overweight and that's unattractive and I've tried gyming and diets and everybody tells me that I'm such a wonderful person to be around and how amazing and cool I am but guys just aren't seeing it. I know how pathetically desperate I sound but I'm at the point where my peers are getting serious with their significant others and graduating from their degrees and just *getting somewhere* where as I'm stuck.

Thank you so much for reading this far and any advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Thank you again guys!

Posts: 24 | From: South Africa | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Welcome to the boards, MissTK. [Smile]

I just had an advice question a few weeks ago with some very similar themes. I wonder if reading it might give us some places to start in talking about how you're feeling?

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/how_do_i_let_go_of_feeling_sexually_unattractive

Here's another, too, to address you saying that being of a certain weight is unattractive as if that were fact (it's not): http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/can_a_guy_be_just_as_attracted_to_a_fat_girl_as_a_hot_girl

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MissTK
Neophyte
Member # 108531

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I can't even begin to thank you! Your quick response was amazing and some of these articles actually made me cry because it's the exact same issues I've been struggling with my whole life. Thank you so, so, so much! I wish there had been somebody to tell me this all those years ago. God bless!
Posts: 24 | From: South Africa | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You're very welcome. [Smile]

Do you want to talk about this some more after reading those, or do the articles alone feel like they help you get started on this on your own?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MissTK
Neophyte
Member # 108531

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Again, thank you very much and I think the articles are enough at the moment. I just printed them out so I could read them again later:) If there's something else that I want to add, I think I'll post again. I can do that right? I think you've literally just changed my life with this advice.
Posts: 24 | From: South Africa | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You sure can. [Smile] Happy to talk with you about this stuff if you'd like at any time.

But I'm so glad you got to hear what you needed so quickly, and I'm really delighted it had such a positive impact. Feeling lousy about yourself is such a life-sapper: we all deserve better. )

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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