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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Orgasm issues

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Author Topic: Orgasm issues
Member # 108244

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I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now with a year in between on and off. He is more than twice my age but we are happy mostly. I know he has diabetes but it is being treated with his diet so it's under control as far as I know. He says that I clam up during sex and when he goes down on me the same, like I am yearning for something else. we later discussed if I was lesbian and though I like girls I don't want to sleep with one. I think it lies around the fact that I am a prude and just learning to come out of my shell since I grew up under the strict no sex before marriage adherence. I have read articles about delayed ejaculation but I don't know. He thinks that my inhibitions are the cause. I asked him if he loves me, he said he does.He has been divorced for a while and apparently has never being in love with another woman till he met me. I know from other questions that it may not be my fault but my case has other factors so i will be grateful if you can respond Alice.We want to make it work and we will. I just need to know how.
Posts: 2 | From: London | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi Asheidu64 and welcome to Scarleteen,

I think you're asking about your boyfriend's delayed ejaculation, but what I hear more of here is that you're engaging in sexual activities that you don't enjoy.

Just to clarify something: Orgasm and ejaculation are two different processes, even though, for most people with penises, they happen nearly at the same time.

No, you're not responsible for your boyfriend's delayed ejaculation. He's also responsible for, if it's something that he doesn't like, exploring the reasons that it might be happening. It is not okay for him to say that the way you express yourself sexually is the cause of his own physical or emotional sexual reactions. Again, he needs to take ownership of his sexual experiences and, if he doesn't like something, do the work of figuring out why it's happening and what, if anything, he can do about it.

I have to let you know that i'm concerned about someone who says they love you but blames you for something that is happening in *their* body.

I also want to check in with you: Is the sex you're having with him sex you *want* to be having, for yourself, not because it's something he wants?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 108244

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I have sex with him because I want to, he said he sometimes made excuses so he wouldn't have to like saying he is tired, angry or watching football . He said during our period apart he had come in other women. I am slightly confused as to whether its me, him or us, since he's had orgasms with other women its becoming smokey mirrors
Posts: 2 | From: London | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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