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Author Topic: I thought I wasn't a virgin but I was, I'm confused
Member # 108229

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I don't really know how to explain what happened to me, but I'll try. Specially because english is not my first language.

I'm 18 years old, and about two years ago, I thought I had lost my virginity, the thing is that my boyfriend at the time penetrated me like twice, literally, cause we didn't have protection and we didn't want to do it that way, I don't even think he went all the way, but it did hurt a bit, so I thought my hymen broke and I had lost my virginity. I also used to finger myself, sometimes with over 2 or 3 fingers.

After me and my boyfriend broke up, I got into this "friends with benefit" kind of relationship with a guy I've known for over 8 years, he's one of the best friends I have atm, and sometimes we just have make out sessions, I guess you could call it that. We are completely comfortable around each other and trust each other a lot, but we just aren't dating.

The point is, after seeing him a lot, we decided to finally have sex, he asked me if I was a virgin, I said I wasn't, even though I'd never had proper sex.

So two days ago we did it, but when he was penetrating me, his penis got like stuck halfway, and it was kinda painful to me.. He pushed harder and then after a few movements the pain just drifted away and that was it.

When I got home, we talked about it, and we were both really confused, especially me. He also told me there was a bit of blood on the bed sheets.

This is where I need your help, what in the world happened to me? Is it possible I was still a virgin after what I did with my ex bf, and after fingering myself with over 3 fingers and other objects?
I thought the hymen was located in the entrance of the vagina. Why did his penis got stuck halfway?

I just don't get it.

I hope you can help me! thanks!

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Scarleteen Volunteer
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You may want to check out the following article:

One Bloody Mess: Myths & Realities of Bleeding with First Intercourse
For the most part, just like bleeding from any other part of your body, bleeding that comes with or follows intercourse or any other kind of sex is due to an injury. How can injury happen during sex? In a few different ways:

1.) If a person with a vulva isn't aroused (sexually excited) enough, or at all, before and during entry, often the vaginal opening and vagina will have not loosened and/or self-lubricated enough for entry or intercourse to be pleasurable for her or truly workable. In other words, it may be possible, in that their partner can manage to force their penis (or whatever else) into the vagina, but it often won't feel good to that receptive partner, and often results in tearing of or abrasions to the tissues of the vulva, vagina or cervix. Suffice it to say, if a woman isn't consenting to sex at all, but is sexually assaulted, bleeding is very common for this reason.

2.) When a partner is too rough. If a partner is too rough or forceful with their penis, fingers or a sex toy, whether a woman is aroused or not, that can cause injury and bleeding.

3.) Because of an infection or other medical condition. For instance, the sexually transmitted infection Chlamydia can sometimes cause bleeding with intercourse. The STIs Gonorrhea or Trichomoniasis can also cause bleeding. So can endometriosis, fibroid tumors, vaginitis, yeast infections, uterine or cervical polyps, cervical dysplasia and other kinds of cervicitis, and more rarely, cervical cancer. Because of cervical tenderness during pregnancy, some pregnant women experience bleeding from intercourse, too. Another possibility for women much older than you are is that menopause is playing a part: decreasing levels of estrogen that accompany menopause can cause vaginal walls to become thin, making them less flexible and resilient.

4.) If the corona or hymen is still in the process of wearing away or has worn away very little, and that intercourse or entry tears (in which case this is bleeding usually actually due to #2), stretches or erodes it. This is the reason people tend to most commonly think is why vaginal bleeding with intercourse happens: some people even think it's the only reason. Age can be a big factor when this is the cause. Because this tissue wears away over time, the younger a woman or girl is when she has intercourse the more likely it is that there's more of the corona to wear away, and the more likely it is there will be some bleeding. Consider that in our modern day, for as much as you hear adults talking about how young people having sex in their teens and twenties are, many women in history, and in some places still, had first intercourse (and marriage) at even younger ages than now. So, when it comes to specifically hymenal bleeding, it's something we likely see less of now than we did 500 or more years ago.

As well, arousal and lubrication is an issue with this one, too. The corona is usually very stretchy and flexible, so even someone who has one that's not yet eroded enough to be totally out of the way can have pleasurable sex without bleeding from that tissue when they are aroused and lubricated enough, be that lubrication from their own bodies or from a bottle. In that case, the corona often just slides to the side of the vaginal opening a lot like the inner labia stay to the side during intercourse.

Based on what we know from medicine, and what sex educators know from talking to people about this, the first three situations are the most common causes of vaginal bleeding, not the last.

As the article indicates, there are several possibilities here. You could have had a partial corona remaining and that tissue was stretched or torn during penetration. Another (probably more likely) answer is that it could have been due to an issue with arousal and lubrication. If you were not aroused, relaxed, and well lubricated, a stuck/painful feeling and some tearing could easily occur.

Sarah Liz

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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Hi Lisacarrillo and welcome to Scarleteen,

The hymen, or the corona as we often call it now, is at the opening of the vagina, not inside the vaginal canal, so, from what you describe, the pain and resistance you felt likely didn't have anything to do with the corona.

The hymen/corona is a membrane that wears away over time, not something that, in most situations for most people, just breaks all at once.

You're correct that penetration with fingers and other objects would wear the corona away, and so do other things like general physical activity and the flow of menstrual blood. So, the corona wears away over time, rather than disappearing all at once.

here's some more information about the hymen/corona, and about pain during intercourse, that might clear some of this confusion up for you.

My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It

From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

[ 08-12-2013, 07:36 AM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]


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Member # 108229

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Thanks for the reply!
I'm still a bit confused, I can't figure out what actually happened.

I was definitely aroused, We had been looking forward to that moment for quite a long time, he was very careful and not rough at all. I just felt like something stopped his penis from coming through, and then it just broke or something, and then he penetrated me completely, but like I told you, it was not something right at the entrance of the vagina, which is the main reason why I'm confused.

I guess I should wait until my next encounter to see if this happens again, but it definitely shouldn't, right?

The bleeding was almost insignificant, it was just a tiny spot on the bed sheets. I mean, I basically lost my virginity without being a virgin, so now I feel like I lost it twice, isn't that kinda crazy?

Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it!!

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Scarleteen Volunteer
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If by virginity you mean "have had sex", then that has nothing at all to do with bleeding or not. If your definition of losing virginity meant "bleeding from sex", then I would be considered a virgin despite being sexually active for 15 years, and many people would "lose their virginity" many times! You should read that article KittenGoddess posted [Smile]

Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

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