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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Worried and I don't know why.

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Author Topic: Worried and I don't know why.
Member # 108227

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This is going to sound ridiculous. I know it is because, we'll it is ridiculous..

Basically, I want to have sex with my partner before he goes travelling and I go to uni. We haven't had sex before, we've been dating a few months and were just going to see what happened. I've had sex before from a previous relationship so not a virgin.

I am on the pill and intend on using condoms as well as further back up. All I can think of though are the chances of getting pregnant even with two methods in place. So for that reason I keep putting off. And I can't say I don't want too or I'm not ready because I do want to, especially before we both leave.
I am just consumed by this irrational worry and what if and am missing out in something great. What are the chances?
Any advice for me?
Thanks in advance!

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Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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You can check out the effectiveness of using the pill and condom together here:
The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method

However, if you are so worried, that may also be a sign you are just not ready yet. Maybe thsi article will help you sort it out:
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 108227

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I read all the articles previously.
I don't know where the worries have come from.
I know I want to do this.
I just think, what if I haven't taken my pill absolutely correct or something. I feel like I have to wait a dreaded wait for m period everytime. It's awful.

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Patricia H
Member # 103815

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You want to have sex, but you're conflicted by fears of your protection methods failing and of pregnancy. It basically sounds like you're not ready to be sexually active, plain and simple. And you know what? That's ok. No one is going to judge you for that. You have an entire lifetime to be ready for sex with the right partner, or maybe not, and that's ok, too. It's your life, your body; you set the rules and make the decisions how you want to live.

The reason why I'm trying to tell you that you don't have to do anything that your body and mind are not in agreement with is because if you do choose to have sex anyway with all those raging fears in the back of your head, you will more or less have a junk experience, and the fears are only going to get worse. Why was the sex awful? Why did it hurt? Did the condom fail? Did he ejaculate in me? Am I pregnant?

The point is, you're not ready. And no amount of external pressure--feeling that you're going to be missing out, or that you'll never see each other again--is going to change what your body is trying to tell you.

Consider this situation to be like one where you're at a buffet or some sumptuous dinner, and you've already eaten so much when you see this utterly delectable piece of salted chocolate pretzel tart before you. You feel like a total glutton, and your body is telling you that you have absolutely no more room for the tart, but yet you feel like you can't pass up the tart because if you don't eat it now, someone else will and/or this is the last time you'll ever see something like that at this super duper amazing meal.

You've got two choices. You can either do your body a favor and pass up the tart, or, tell your body to stuff it and eat the tart. Regardless of your choice, you have consequences to deal with: if you don't eat the tart, you give your body time to digest the huge amount of food you've already eaten, and your body will thank you when you go home to get ready for bed that night. Then, sometimes in the future, the tart or another tastier rendition of it shows up again when you DO have room for it in your stomach--room to eat it and thoroughly enjoy it for all the goodness that it is in itself.

If, of course, you choose to ignore your body and eat the tart, you might just end up regretting the idea when you find yourself puking your brains out in the parking lot.


Joey started you off with a great resource on assessing your own sexual readiness. I'm going to give you a few more links related to the topic. Since you're coming to us for help anyway, you might as well take a peek at some of these resources to help you figure out what your body is trying to tell you and what you want to do with all that information.

Sorting Maybe from Can't-Be: Reality Checking Partnered Sex Wants & Ideals
Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
10 of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Sexual Self (at Any Age)

[ 08-11-2013, 05:42 PM: Message edited by: Patricia H ]

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

Posts: 234 | From: Hawaii | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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