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Author Topic: Older Boys
Member # 95892

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I am a 16 year old female and I am not attracted to any boys my age. They all look too young for me. I find myself attracted guys who are around the ages of 20 or older. I want to know if this is really a bad thing? Is this really too much of an age difference? My parents do not like this at all and always tell me I need to find someone my own age(Even though they are 9 years apart), so I feel I need to hide my relationships. This makes it very difficult to see the person I am dating. (I am not currently dating anyone.) My parents also say something is "very wrong" with a person if they want to even hang out with someone my age. Is this true? Also, it is hard to find anyone that will date me, being as young as I am. They are too afraid of getting in trouble with the law
Posts: 5 | From: Missouri | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi KindlyInsane and welcome to Scarleteen,

There's nothing wrong with being attracted to who you're attracted to. That's something we don't really get to choose about ourselves. That is, we feel how we feel, and we can choose what we do about it.

That said, who or what attracts us can change over time. And, again, we get to make our own decisions about what we do about attractions.

The people who are afraid to date you because of worries about the law are very smart. There could be very serious consequences for anyone who dates you if he engages in sexual activity with you, or even if your parents or other concerned adults *think* that he has engaged in sexual activity with you. I'm talking about serious consequences that could follow a guy for his whole life.

If you want to learn more about that, you can search for the "age of consent" laws in your state.

I'm not sure if I'd go so far as to say there's something very wrong with someone in his 20s who wants to hang out with you, but, for some people, there could be. What you're talking about is a significant age difference, not so much in terms of number of years, but stages of life. Being in high school is very different from being in one's 20s and either at college or out in the workforce.

I can imagine that it feels contradictory for your parents to object to this interest when there's an age difference between them. I'm guessing though that they got together when they were both adults? That really does make a difference.

I know this sucks, and I know i'm probably sounding like the other nay-saying adults in your life. Again, there's nothing wrong with you for being attracted to guys in this age group.

If nothing else, though, as I said above, there are serious legal issues with an adult dating a minor, and I don't imagine that you'd want anyone you care about to be put at risk. [Smile]

Since you are attracted to older guys, it really is going to be soundest, and safest for both you and them, for you to wait until it is legal for you to date them.

Does this help put things into perspective at all?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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