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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Shouldn't it feel better...

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Author Topic: Shouldn't it feel better...
datshortylexy
Neophyte
Member # 108097

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After almost 2 years my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time and it was during my period. There was no pain at all and no bleeding really other than my period which wasn't much at the time. I read that it's normal for your first time to be pain and blood free. My concern is that I really didn't feel anything and we didn't use a condom. The second time I was off my period and we used a condom and the experience was the same. When he fingers me it feels really good and I even bleed a little, why isn't it the same for sex? By the way, size isn't a issue he's almost 8 inches and it's pretty thick. I'm also petite while my boyfriend is well built and 6 feet. Will it get better? Is it just something we need to work on, maybe try different position because we've only done missionary?
Posts: 2 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Think, if you will for a moment, about the first time you did almost anything: was it usually, or ever, the best time? Often not.

Any kind of sex, like most things in life, is something that practicing tends to improve. Snd any kind of sex with a partner is something we learn to do together over time, and it tends to take time to learn what works best for us, uniquely.

Too, for intercourse to feel good, like with other kinds of sex, we have to be very turned on. Our genitals are sensitive, sure, but they are WAY more so when we're really excited than when we're not.

Lastly, intercourse all by itself -- not paired with other sexual activities, like, as an example, with manual (with fingers or hands) clitoral stimulation doesn't tend to be super-amazing for most people with vaginas. That's mostly because the vagina, all by itself, isn't rich with sensory nerve endings like the clitoris is, or even your mouth or fingertips are. The first front third of it is pretty sensory, but the back two things have very few sensory nerve endings, so there's not a lot to feel in many ways, and that has zip to do with penis size.

(That's also why for you, as the person with a vagina, condoms aren't usually something you can feel at all unless you aren't lubricated enough.)

If you'd like, we have a bunch of good content around these issues, and I'd be happy to build you a little list o'links here.

(Just FYI, I don't know if you use a method of birth control you didn't mention, but just in case you don't know, intercourse without any method of birth control poses high risks of pregnancy, and without condoms, high risks of STIs.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
datshortylexy
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Member # 108097

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Thanks for the info because I tried searching it online and I got responses like maybe it was his size or that I should consider myself lucky that my first time wasn't painful or messy. I've also been taking birth control pills since before my boyfriend due to my menstrual cycle.
Posts: 2 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Gotcha on the BC.

By all means, that's not good information, and it sounds like you went looking for it in places that weren't sound or professional.

Here are some of those links I think might get you started, with the given that some of this is most likely just about time and practice. [Smile]

With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/why_does_getting_fingered_feel_better_than_sex
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/why_would_intercourse_feel_good_for_women
The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum
Is THAT All There Is?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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