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Kathryn2425
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Hi! Over 3 months ago I gave my ex a hand job and I was weaitng clothes and everything do I know that there wasn't a pregnancy risk. The only thing is that I cannot shake the fear of this risk at all. I've gotten 3 periods since then that I'm pretty sure are periods and they come around 26-31 days of my cycle with some heavy bleeding. Probably the thig aiding this fear is that I didn't want to give my ex a hand job but he shamed me into it even though it was something I wasn't comfortable with and I won't do again because it scared me so much. Lately, I've been picking out every little difference with my body and relating it back to pregnancy even though I know it's not possible and I'm freaking out because it feels like my stomach is getting rounder. Could you please help to give me advice to get through this anxiety?
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Robin Lee
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hi Kathryn,


It sounds like you've already discovered the root of this anxiety, the bad feelings you're having about having been coerced into that sexual activity in the first place.

Generally, the best person to talk with about severe anxiety is a health or mental health care provider.

Have you shared these fears with your therapist?

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Robin

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Robin Lee
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Looking back at the conversation you had with Heather yesterday, were you able to get your hands on any of the books she suggested, or to talk to your therapist, or both?

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Robin

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Kathryn2425
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Yeah I've talked to her about it a lot and she just told me that when the thought ones to my head I need to tell myself that she says that I'm not pregnant, and I trust her because she is a former human sexualities teacher. That advice worked for while but I'm still psyching myself out and thinking of all of the what ifs. Like what if I am or what if I start showing or what of my periods aren't periods or something?
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Robin Lee
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Hi Kathryn,

Have you shared with her that the technique she suggested isn't working for you any longer?

One thing I can tell you is that if you're having a bleed every month, there's nothing else it could be but your period. [Smile]

Again, though, it doesn't sound like this is so much about facts as it is about the fear taking over. Does that sound about right?

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Robin

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Kathryn2425
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Yes it is mostly fear, but also knowing what you justo told me about bleeding every month being a sign that I'm not pregnant does make me feel a little better. I put some of the books on hold that heather recommended to me yesterday and I'm planning to read them when I can. My fear is starting to overcome me though to the point where I can't even look at a pregnant woman or children without wanting to fall apart
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Robin Lee
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Also, if you're up for one more book on your list of books to look for next time you're at the library, let us know. There's a book on anxiety you may well find helpful. If you want the title, just say so. [Smile]

No pressure of course. Your booklist might be rather long already. [Smile]

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Robin

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Kathryn2425
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Okay I would like that:) what's the title? I'm honestly trying as hard as I can to get better because I've been feeling really awful these past few years and I've been having a rough time lately.
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Robin Lee
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Hi Kathryn,

It really does sound like you've been having a rough time of it.

When fear starts to take over a person's life as it sounds like it is with you, it really is important to get some professional help with it as well as doing what you can on your own.

So, I really do strongly advise that you let your therapist know that the technique you were using before isn't cutting it right now, and you need her help to come up with some other techniques.

Here's the information on that book:

My Anxious Mind: A Teen's Guide to Managing Anxiety and Panic

by Michael A. Tompkins and Katherine A. Martinez

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Robin

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Kathryn2425
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Okay thanks for all of your help! I'm sorry to always be bothering you guys on here but lately I've really just needed someone to talk to because life had been rough and I've Ben feeling really depressed and anxious all the time.
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Robin Lee
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We're here for people to ask questions, and to hopefully give them the information and resources they need. [Smile]

So, no need for apologies. [Smile]

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Robin

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Kathryn2425
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Sorry to bother you guys again but I was just wanting to ask another question. I've been frwaking out because Ive been gaining weight only really around my stomach lately an I know that I'm not pregnant but what could be causing this? I'm starting to feel like I could possibly be pregnant, my anxiety is killing me:(
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Heather
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People who are pregnant test positively on pregnancy tests: since you are still so concerned about this, have you taken one yet?

Also, since your therapist is presumably especially qualified to be dealing with these kinds of issues, given she also has a background in sexuality, have you asked her about this again and gotten her help with it?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kathryn2425
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I haven't taken a test yet because I had an ovarian cyst about 2 months ago and I didn't want to get a false result. My therapist swears that I'm not pregnant but I feel like I could be that one in a million
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Kathryn2425
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And would there really be a need to take a test if ive gotten 3 fairly normal periods?
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Heather
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Ovarian cysts only rarely create false results. And, if by any chance you have your medical information to find out what kind of cyst it was, if it wasn't a corpus luteum cyst, then that's not something you have to worry about at all, even as a rarity, as I understand it.

The thing per your therapist is, if you are still stuck in this anxiety, your therapist telling you that clearly isn't the way for her to help you. So, it's her job to now try something new to help you with this anxiety. If she isn't willing to do that, she's literally not doing her job.

If she's the person you see who job it is to help you manage your anxiety, you really need to be taking this to her, not us, including because the way we're talking might be something amping your anxiety, for all we know: she's the person to help you figure out what is and isn't going to be helpful for you.

And if she's not doing a good job with that -- like it sounds like she hasn't done around your assault, either -- then it's time to consider switching therapists. She can say she's an expert of the things she is, but a) that doesn't make her the best fir for you, as no therapist will be everyone's best fit, and b) if the way she's acting around this issues isn't sound, caring or educated, what she says about her experience, but isn't reflected in her actions? That experience clearly isn't helping her or you, you know?

[ 07-26-2013, 05:15 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kathryn2425
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Okay I think I might consider a new therapist. Am I just freaking out over nothing?
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Heather
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I'd say there is a need to test if you won't be convinced you are clearly not pregnant otherwise, and it might just do that for you, yes. Because being convinced you are pregnant when you are not has, as you know, a generally detrimental effect on someone's quality of life.

But it is also what we ask users to do in spots like this who are asking for us to keep talking about all the what-ifs with them, because it's just not a productive use of anyone's time to do that when we have a way that is usually easy for most people to access, a home test, to have that question answered instead, you know?

It's our job to stick with talking about realities here, if you get me. And if and when a user doesn't want to talk about those, but delusions or chronic anxieties, we're not the right people to be talking to, because that's not what we are qualified to do.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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I'm not going to have a conversation with you about if you're pregnant or not, since we've already had that conversation with you already, okay?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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For more on this kind of issue, btw, see here: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/19/t/000494.html

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kathryn2425
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Okay thanks so much heather i think I'm gonna take my chances with a test soon. Thanks for your help and time, I really appreciate it because there's a lot of untruthful websites out there and I really trust your site. Thanks for also talking to me about some personal issues I've been having, I really really appreciate it:)
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Heather
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Well, you know, too, if you get a test, and you want company just to get you through those three minutes, you certainly can come here and ask for that, too. [Smile]

You're really welcome, and thanks for working with us around our limits and limitations so nicely. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kathryn2425
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I'm honestly really really terrified to take a test:( should I be very concerned? Or is there anything I could do r think of to calm down?
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Karybu
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Hey Kathryn. Is there anything that you know helps to calm you down when you're stressed? Deep breathing or anything along those lines?

I'll be here for the next little while so if you'd like you can test and I can "hang out" with you while you wait for the results. [Smile]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Kathryn2425
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Im actually not home yet so I'm not gonna take the test quite yet but I'm just thinking about it and I know that my chances of it coming out positive is seriously slim but I'm dying of anxiety and I don't know how to control it
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Karybu
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Your therapist didn't give you any techniques to help you calm down when you start to panic?

Deep breathing is generally a good place to start, really putting all your energy into focusing on how each breath feels. Trying to distract yourself a bit in some way can help too.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Kathryn2425
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No not really, Im honestly really hesitant about taking the test.
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Kathryn2425
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No not really, Im honestly really hesitant about taking the test.
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Karybu
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I realize that, and I realize that you have a lot of anxiety around this. Heather suggested taking a test because she felt it would be helpful for you, but if you decide you don't want to test, that's up to you. If you do want to, and want some online company while you do, then that's something we can absolutely do. Managing your anxiety around testing isn't something anyone here can do for you, though, and it's not productive for you or us to spend a lot of time and energy going back and forth trying to convince you to take one, you know?

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Kathryn2425
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Am I basically taking this test just for closure to realize that I'm not pregnant?
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Karybu
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Yes, that's the idea.

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Kathryn2425
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Oh okay well that makes me feel a lot better, thanks:) ill coma back online when I'm ready to take the test bcuz I think I'm gonna need some support if that's okay
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Karybu
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That's fine. [Smile]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Kathryn2425
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Okay I think I'm ready to take the test
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Kathryn2425
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I got a positive result:(((((
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