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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » My Boyfriend and Porn?

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Author Topic: My Boyfriend and Porn?
Member # 107901

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Hello and thank you for taking the time to read my question. I would like to get some advice on how to deal with my boyfriend and his pornography-watching habits. I understand masturbating is very normal, and I don't mind that he does. Nor do I mind when he watches pornography on the internet. What bothers me is when he actively searches online for a specific person. He's not very computer savvy, so I'm the one that clears his cache/cookies/history/downloads, etc. And I notice that even though he will watch porn on say xvideos or something, he'll also google search a specific porn actress and it really makes me feel worthless. Seeing these women he's intentionally looking up to have sexual fantasies to makes me feel like my body isn't good enough for him, and he would rather be with these women than me. But when it's just a video, or a magazine, or a DVD without any woman in particular, it doesn't bother me. I don't want to tell him 'No you can't do that.' because I'm the one having a problem, and it's not fair for me to do. How can I get over my concerns that when he looks at these other women, I feel like I'm not good enough for him?
Posts: 1 | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI Stephykaypay
and welcome to Scarleteen,

I'm wondering how you think it would be, instead of telling him he can't do that, to instead start a conversation letting him know how you feel about this?

In other words, it doesn't have to be a conversation in which either of you starts off by telling each other how you should feel or what you should do, but instead a conversation of sharing thoughts and feelings and figuring out where you both can go from there?

What do you think?

How have serious or difficult conversations gone for you in the past? How do the two of you do discussing sexual concerns?

In terms of how you feel, where do you think this fear that you don't measure up is coming from?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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