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Author Topic: how do i let it go?
Member # 45929

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I dated a guy for about a year and we were really happy. I am certain that he was my first true love. However, we had a bad break up because as he now claims, he fell out of love with me. Unfortunately, he failed to mention that fact until six months after we parted, so I spent those six months waiting for him to come around and get over the hardship of his parents' divorce, which he originally claimed led him to not wanting to be in a relationship. We've fought a lot and I've cried to him many times telling him how much he has hurt me. I recently discovered that I have bipolar disorder, and I've been getting treatment. Since treatment, I hadn't talked to him for a month, and I felt I was finally over everything we had been through and ready to be his friend. So, I started talking to him again and everything was fine. I didn't feel anything towards him except for friendship, and we were able to have good conversations without bringing up dramatic remnants of the past. I even stopped feeling angry towards him, and expressed my desire to be friends and to not have a shitty relationship anymore. However, last night I got really drunk and everything went out of control again. I knew I shouldn't have had anything to drink because it discounts my medication, but my friends smoke and drink frequently and its hard to resist temptation. However, doing so completely ruined my night. I decided to tell my ex that I was no longer in love with him, and then I implored whether or not he was in a relationship with someone. When he told me he was hooking up with a girl I felt sick. I thought I didn't have feelings for him, but the fact that he has already moved on (while I am stuck behind in the land of being single, even though he put me through hell) made me extremely upset, and I didn't think it was fair. I called him and started telling him that I didn't know whether my medication was working and I ended up crying to him for the good portion of the night, and I even threatened suicide and self harm. I don't know what happened. I was doing so well and then everything went completely out of control again. I don't know what to do now. He says everything is alright and that we can go back to normal, but I still feel very uneasy and upset. I would like to know if there's anything I can do to not feel this anymore. I've tried to stop talking to him so many times, but it's such a hard thing for me to do. Any advice for making the pain go away but not letting him go?
Posts: 16 | From: Illinois | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI Mika,

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so lousy right now.

What Considering that you are being treated for bipolar disorder, and taking what I suspect is pretty powerful medication, and you had a lot to drink, it's not surprising to hear that things are feeling so out of balance right now. That's not to discount your feelings, only to say, as you already know, that your brain chemicals have had a work out and might not be being the most helpful to you.

Rather than trying to work this out right now, I actually suggest that you try to find some things that will help you feel good, and relaxed, and give your brain chemicals a chance to even themselves out. Once you're feeling a little more level, you can go back and examine your feelings and se what you need to figure out. Maybe you need a little more (or a lot more) time without talking to him. Maybe you need to agree with him that you're both not going to talk about the past, and if one of you starts talking about it, the other will remind both of you that you agreed not to discuss that. Maybe you need something else entirely.

Again, though, I do suggest that you give yourself a couple of days before making any sorts of major decisions, and a couple of days away from talking with him.

I hear that it's hard not to drink when your friends are drinking, but considering that it has such a negative effect on you, and is interrupting the treatment you're undergoing, I'm wondering if you can find anyone in your life who can support you in making the decision not to drink like that? Understand, this isn't a judgment of drinking, but an encouragement to you to take care of your physical and mental health.


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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