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Author Topic: Did I do the right thing (super confused?)
v.v
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Okay so I participated in a study the one who was asking questions was a social worker/psychologist and I really respect that branch of the social sciences so I wanted to answer as truthfully as possible. Also if I am eligible this could be my best shot for some decent and FREE therapy and this was bound to come up and lastly I just KNEW I'd be upset if I said nothing. I'd feel like I was ashamed or like I wasn't moved on from it so really even though talking about it gave me zero comfort not talking about it would have done the same in a different way and made me feel more than dread it would have made me question myself and feel shame too. Basically what I said is my cousin molested me when I was 16 and that I didn't want him near anymore cause there's a child around and cause of me. But I firmly said that he's no longer in the USA and though he lives with his brother he moved a lot and we don't really know where either are at and he's not planning on moving back and I didn't give names or explain what happened just that it wasn't rape.


Long story short like any legal therapy she had to report it . So me questions are this: was I to honest ? I know I can't change what I did but my mom said I might have been too open and I'd like an opinion by another professional on whether I shouldn't say such things if I'm in therapy or something in the future to avoid all the reporting hassle??? It didn't deeply affect me like give me anxiety or something so I wouldn't truly need to talk about it every time? And what can the police do legally because I don't want an investigator calling or anything of the sort and thought it ok to say precisely because he's not in the USA??? Can they legally force me to give out his name or talk about it I thought no but now I'm worried I live in IL BTW??

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Robin Lee
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HI v.v and welcome to Scarleteen,


From where I sit, it's best to be honest. It sounds like it felt right to you to talk about this at the time, and I see no reason for you to have to censor yourself, either in a study or during any future therapy appointment.

Are you still a minor? I'm a little confused as to why this was reported if you are not still a minor.



Can you perhaps give me a sense of why you think it's not okay to tell, and why it's not okay for this to be investigated?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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I would also like to make clear that sexual abuse doesn't have to involve what people define as rape in order to be sexual abuse, or in order to have an impact on someone.

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Robin

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v.v
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No I'm 19 but she said she had to report it the the policeman (non emergency campus police ). I assumed because it was a study it be more sensitive or something than regular therapy? I don't care about what happens to my cousin but I just do not want to go through all the hassle and would refuse to be forced to do so if cop did call. Also I don't trust the police at all and my family already thinks I'm something to be pitied because I'm a lot more shy then them and I'm pretty sure that also means less smart to them. So if this got out somehow to the rest of my family they'd be insufferable and probably think I'm broken and I firmly think this did not in any way break me.
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v.v
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In addition my mom told me I was too honest and that it didn't have anything TO do with the study since that's on anxiety? so I wasn't sure what to think.
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Robin Lee
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It sounds to me like something the researcher asked made you volunteer the information; that is, you wouldn't have shared it if it didn't feel like it was relevant in some way, or if you didn't feel like it was something you wanted to talk about.

Also, because this was reported to the campus police, but didn't happen on campus, it seems unlikely to me that it will get beyond anyone filing reports.

I'm sorry that your family treats you so disrespectfully. Being shy doesn't have anything to do with how smart someone is.

No, the abuse did not break you, but you're also entitled to tell whom you want to about it, and your Mom, or anyone, doesn't get to say whether you should or shouldn't talk about it. IN future, if you want to talk about it in therapy, you can ask the therapist ahead of time what their policy is on things that happened to you when you were underage given that you're not underage now. Most therapists are only mandated to report abuse or risk of abuse that is currently happening or could happen to a minor (or to an adult or elderly person who is unable to care for themselves because of illness or disability)).

Without thinking about anyone else's opinions on this, how do you feel about the fact that you told someone about this?

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Robin

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v.v
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Ya she asked and said it was okay to not tell he but I felt Iggy my impact the results or come up during therapy anyways.honestly it made me worried because again I don't trust cops and I think I Maggy have felt relieved if it hadn't been for the researcher herself.she had an overly compassionate voice and she just came across as trying too.hard and a bit fake throughout the questions. I like considerate people but she didn't seem genuine but maybe she is just bad at showing concern in an obvious way/awkward so she over compensate????
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v.v
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It might and might have not Iggy/Maggy* sorry I'm on my cell my computer is slow

Also I hate sharing too much and I may have crossed too many of my own boundaries I'm really bad at knowing my limits sometimes so I thought this be ok but it might have been to invasive for me.even if she didn't try to be.

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Robin Lee
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If she's still a student, or is new at doing this, she may well have been overcompensating. or, that was her style and it just didn't work for you.

So maybe, outside of your worries about reporting, and about what your family thinks, it might be helpful for you to do some thinking about what your boundaries are. I'm wondering too if you've been able to talk about the abuse before. Maybe part of you just needed to tell someone. keeping silent is a hard thing for a lot of people, and that's okay and understandable.


And again, if you start therapy, and you click with the therapist, there shouldn't be any repercussions for you sharing this part of your life. Most therapists will tell you during the first visit what things they are required to not keep in confidence. That's something you can also ask.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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