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Author Topic: Losing my Erection Before Sex
bballskr3
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Im 17 years old, and I have trouble keeping my erection before having sex. I never thought it would be an issue because I never had any erectal problems during masturbation or during other sexual acts (handjobs, blowjobs) but the first time we tried to have sex, I lost my erection when putting the condom on. This happened the next few times we tried as well. I do want to have sex with her, and I'm nervous but I dont think Im sooo much more nervous than other guys that I shouldnt be able to keep an erection. In the 15-20 seconds it takes to get a condom and put it on I usually get soft (maybe a 3/4 erection) but not hard enough to fully penetrate her.


We've tried 3 times now and decided to take a break for a bit because it has just killed the mood when we hang out. Recently, I've been paying more attention to my erections and this might just be because I'm hyperaware of it now, but even when Im not about to have sex, I seem to lose my erections (before blowjobs, or masturbation)if I dont keep stimulating myself. I never noticed this as a problem before, so it might just be because im paying so attention to it.

Im just not sure what exactly is the problem here, thanks for the help.

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Heather
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Welcome to the Scarleteen boards, bballskr3. [Smile]

I hear you saying clearly that you feel nervous, and nerves usually are SUCH a big player with this. Of course, when you also add on anxiety about not becoming erect, you amplify that nervousness.

What do you think you'd need in order to feel more relaxed with all of this?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bballskr3
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I have no idea, she's been really nice about the whole thing I'm really not even worried about my performance, it's mostly the fact that I haven't been able to stay FULLY erect that I'm nervous about.

I've always been turned on more by the idea of blowjobs but sex is something I want. Is there any way that this is a biological issue also? Something about how my penis just doesnt stay fully erect without stimulation?


I'm not fully flaccid when we try, it's just she's also pretty tight and it's a squeeze as is. Thank you.

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Heather
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Well, can you maybe talk to me about why you're worried about not being fully erect? Or, for that matter, why you're worried about becoming erect at all?

If you've not had any issues with erection with your masturbation, we can be very sure that nothing's wrong or amiss here physically.

But it's also sounding like your partner might be having some issues, too, if entry feels tough for you in the first place.

I don't suppose you two have talked together about what EACH of you might need to feel more comfortable? because it sounds possible that both of you are having some issues with nerves.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bballskr3
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well I'm worried about becoming erect because I want to have sex with her, and I can't have sex with her unless I'm erect. and since I have lost my erection every time we have tried, I am worried about it.

Wouldnt the entry only feel tough for me because im not fully erect? Should my 3/4 erection be able to penetrate her fully? Seh doesnt seem nervous at all, she has had sex before, and is the one that like really wants to.

I want to too, but I've never been OVERLY horny about having sex, like I have with blowjobs and such.

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Heather
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Well, you CAN have sex with her without an erection. There are many ways to be sexual with someone, and an erection is only needed for a couple of them.

In other words, if you can perhaps let go if the feeling it's a requirement or need, you'll probably have better luck here, not only more luck becoming and staying erect, but also feel a lot better about it when it doesn't happen, where you always have the option to just be sexual in other ways. Get what I mean?

Some folks do just fine beginning intercourse when they're not 100% erect, for sure. Only you two can find out if that's something that'll work for you.

I also hear you saying you're feeling worried and stressed because this is something she wants, from the sounds of things, more than you. Have you talked to her about that, to see if maybe you can get some of the pressure to ease off some? Perhaps telling her you're feeling some pressure that's making this tougher for you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bballskr3
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Yeah we've talked about that. New development though:

Today just for experiments sake (yes, this has become that much of a thought consumer for me haha, I masturbated for a bit, got an erection, and then put a condom on. Almost immediately, I lost my erection and couldn't get it back masturbating through the condom. I was using Trojan ENZ condoms. Is it possible that its the condom that's doing this? If so, any recommendations for a different condom?

And I know this is a very immature questoin to ask, but am I a virgin if I have penetrated her but have not finished?

Sorry about all these questions, just tell me if you need to move on haha, thanks.

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Heather
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You can always try different brands for sure, but it might also be you need to practice with condoms alone, in general, to get more comfortable with them.

"Virginity" isn't a medical term or one we use in sexology. It's a cultural idea some people have, and which people who do don't all define the same way.

However, most folks who do use that term usually just mean some variety of "person who has had sex," however it is they are then defining what sex is.

In other words, if virginity is a term you want to use, you get to define it however you like.

[ 05-21-2013, 06:53 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68053 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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