Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Strange arousal

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Strange arousal
TheGlow228
Neophyte
Member # 95620

Icon 9 posted      Profile for TheGlow228     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Over the past year and a half, I find myself getting aroused by the sound of my mother making kissing sounds to the pets, baby talking them, when she snores, and also by the sight of her bare feet hanging over the edge of our couch or living room chairs.

It's worse when my hormone cycle has me in a more aroused state anyway. Sometimes I can ignore it, but other times I can't, especially like now when my cycle is in the high sex drive stage. It's distracting and I've found ways to try and cope, but it's like torture.

I'll try and block my view of her with placing my hand on the side of my head to block my side vision when we sit together. Sometimes I can block it and other times I can't. The sounds obviously I can do nothing about, but get out of earshot. The snoring used to just annoy me and now it's turned more to arousal.

When it happens, I can feel myself throbbing and sometimes even getting wet. Now I'm anxious a lot of the time about hearing or seeing a trigger, so that makes it even worse. Last night was really bad because we sat in the same room for hours and I was constantly trying to block her feet from my sight. It was TORTURE.

When my boyfriend is over and we fool around, a lot of the time I feel anxious about being aroused by one of these things that I feel uncomfortable with. If I get scared that I might get aroused from one of the thing while he's touching sensitive parts of me, my body wants to reject him. It's like I'm disgusted by the thought of the unwanted arousal, so I can't stand the kind I actually do want. If I can forget that I'm afraid, I can start to enjoy it. But still it's really frustrating, but he's supportive.

I told her about a month ago about this and she seemed to be understanding. She said it's just because I'm teen and hormonal, but I really want to find some way to solve this because obviously I live with her and it feels so dirty and incestuous. This arousal only happens when she is doing these things. We discussed maybe why my brain would connected some of these things with arousal, but I just want to know if there's anything I can do to help myself.

Lastly, she never sexually abused me. I can go into some of my reasoning for the connection to these weird things if asked.

Posts: 6 | From: Florida, USA | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You know, when we talk about how diverse sexuality is, one of the biggest components of that diversity are the wide, wide array of things that are parts of our sexuality in terms of what we find arousing.

And it really is quite amazing (I think so, anyway), how seemingly random and diverse that is, including how many things are parts of people's sexuality that either aren't, on their own, sexual, per se, or wouldn't seem to be.

We also know that people's family members are also often a part, in one way or another, of their sexuality. I don't think it's sound to talk about arousal as being related to incest: incest is about family members being in a physical sexual relationship -- engaging in sex together.

I agree with your mother that this isn't something to be concerned about, though it's probably not just because you're a teen and "hormonal" (especially since those hormones you're brewing up don't just go away later -- they're getting to the levels they'll be in a lot of your adult life).

No one can help being aroused by whatever they are at a given time. And for sure, often enough, probably every person, at at least one time, if not far more, is going to feel aroused by something they or others think is weird, or which makes them uncomfortable.

But the thing is, arousal doesn't mean you have to do anything. It's just a feeling, and like every other feeling we have, it comes and it goes. And if you don't want to do anything sexual when you're having these feelings, or when you recently have, because you don't want to connect them to your active sexual life? You don't have to.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TheGlow228
Neophyte
Member # 95620

Icon 1 posted      Profile for TheGlow228     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well I understand what you're saying. It's just the anxiety that comes with it that makes it so bad. And yeah, it's especially bad when that affects my wanted sexual behavior. Like I said it's my axiety that brings me to physically want to reject my boyfriend. That's the worst part

--------------------
------------
Hey look, I'm on a forum!

Posts: 6 | From: Florida, USA | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay.

What if, though, you thought about the kind of thing I'm saying for a week, and tried to let it sink in.

In other words, it sounds to me like the anxiety you have around this is based on fears you expressed, like that it's incestuous. What if you tried to adjust your thinking on this some, maybe taking a break from anything sexual with your boyfriend while you take the time to do that?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TheGlow228
Neophyte
Member # 95620

Icon 1 posted      Profile for TheGlow228     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Alright. I think that you've made some valid points and I can definitely give that a try. Thanks!

--------------------
------------
Hey look, I'm on a forum!

Posts: 6 | From: Florida, USA | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sure thing. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen