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Author Topic: Scared
olemgirlygirl
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Please help I am very worried... I have read through many of your forums and I am still unsure if this is a risk or not. First off I am on Birth Control, I have been on it for a while now and this month I have been taking it on time maybe late by a couple of minutes. I haven’t been taking any antibiotics or anything that could cause it to be less effective. I already talked to my bf about this anxiety and he already told me that we were safe and I don't need to worry. He said we are going to stop for a while so that makes me feel better except I am worried my period is not going to come because I think there is a risk.

So basically this incident I am really worried about it and scared. Things got headed and my bf didn't actually touch me at all at first I had my underwear and pants on the whole time while I was giving him oral with my mouth and hand. He ejaculated then I spit out the semen in the garbage and washed my hands because I felt some semen on them. I came back and he was dressed and we sat down watching a little bit of tv. I don't know how long we were watching for but then things got heated again and we started making out again and touching. He then touched my area with my pants and underwear on but then he slipped his finger under my underwear and rubbed my area not actually going inside. After that I started to really freak out because when I asked him if he washed his hands he said no but he said he had no semen on them. I'm so scared because I know he ejaculated but what if there was left over on his penis and while he was putting his clothes on brushed up against it could it have ended up on his hand? Do you think it would have dried up while we were watching tv? He did touch my clothes again before rubbing my area so could it have rubbed off on my clothes before he touched me? He didn't actually go inside my vagina but rubbed the area but I was wet so I am so worried. Please help me calm down.

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Robin Lee
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HI olemgirlygirl,

Do you feel like you have a good sense for the effectiveness of birth control pills?

Regarding the risk you're concerned about: I think you've seen this article before, but even if you have, could you take another read through it?

Pregnancy Scared?

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Robin

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Onionpie
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Robin beat me to it [Smile]

[ 10-07-2012, 11:50 AM: Message edited by: Onionpie ]

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olemgirlygirl
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I just read through the article and it says no risk. I do know how effective birth control is but I guess sometimes I think since it's not 100% that there is that small chance. I think I am just more scared because if it was pre-cum I would be less worried but it was ejacualtion. I am just not sure if by the time he would have touched me the semen would have been dried out which could not create a pregancy.
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Onionpie
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For sure, birth control pills are not 100% effective, so there is always a small chance which we have to be able to accept to participate in sexual activity -- but that's for the kinds of sex that can create a pregnancy in the first place. Which, since you read the article, you know doesn't include the situation you've described.
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olemgirlygirl
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Okay I understand. So for there to even have been a risk he would have touched his area and touch my area like right after? I guess I am just scared cause I really wished he washed his hands...
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Robin Lee
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That's correct. Also, sperm aren't like bacteria. They don't just transfer. They need specific conditions to do their job which aren't present in the situation you described. That makes sense.

And for future, you two can absolutely have a "rule" that you both wash your hands after sex. It's good hygiene practice. [Smile]

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Robin

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olemgirlygirl
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Okay. It seems silly for me to worry since I am on birth control, but I guess I am just a natural worrier. I know you said sperm can't be transfered that way but I don't remember how long he he waited to touch me. Would touching my clothes before actually touching me would have already made sperm not able to do there job because semen would have been wiped off? I think I read in another forum as soon as semen as been moved sperm can't do their job because they need semen to survive? Also say he didn't wipe but waited a a bit, would semen have been dried by that point. Sorry it's just I know he said he didn't have semen but what if it was a small amount and he didn't notice it on his hands. It just scares me because I wasn't looking down at his hand to see if it was wet or not. I trusted that he would have at least put hand sanitizer on because he knows how I worry, but he didn't and that is what scares me.
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Robin Lee
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It's just not possible. You can read in our articles why it's not possible...all of the factors that need to be present in order for pregnancy to have a chance of occurring.

Sperm is not like bacteria. Making sure hands are clean before touching someone's genitals is all preventing transmission of bacteria or germs, or even just plain dirt.

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Robin

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olemgirlygirl
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Hello,
I already know there is no risk but I went out to buy a test just to make myself feel better. The test said negative but I am wondering if when I took the test it would be accurate. The test I bought was First Response 4 days before a expected period. My period was suppose to come yesterday morning but it never did. It is now Saturday morning and I still never got my period so I took the test with the first urine on Saturday. Also I am in my foruth sugar pill so not sure if I should of counted my period being late on the first sugar pill or my period being late on the usual third sugar pill when my period was suppose to come. Can I trust the result or do you think I should retest in a week?

Also is it normal to just miss your period on the pill? It happened once before like a while back and I never got my period that month but just came like normal the next month. Do you think it is wise to swtich brands if this keeps happeneing? It's just really frustrating because I worry so much more when I don't get a period. Also since taking birth control it has never came late uless I missed a pill or took a extra one. But this month I was so good with it I took it right on time by maybe a few minutes late. So that shouldn't cause my period not to come right?

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Robin Lee
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olemgirlygirl,

First, missing a withdrawal bleed while taking the pill isn't anything to worry about if it only happens every once in a while. There's a lot more going on with our bodies than just what the pill controls, so irregularities are to be expected. The chemical changes in our bodies caused by stress are just one example of this.

I'm really not sure how to answer your question about the test. First you said you knew there wasn't a risk, but you wanted to take a test to make yourself feel better. Now, it appears that you're trying to find reasons why the test result wouldn't be accurate. Does it make sense to you why those two things, taken together, don't make sense to me?


Hi

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Robin

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Robin Lee
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You may also find this article on pregnancy testing helpful. [Smile]

Peeing on a Stick: All About Pregnancy Tests

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Robin

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olemgirlygirl
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Is it normal? I guess I never knew because everytime I asked my friends if they ever missed their period while using bc they all said no.

Sorry for the confusion let me try to clarify.I did say that I understood why there was no risk, but deep inside I still couldn't get over it and I still had that worry. That is when I decided to go out to buy a test. Basically my question is, can I trust the results the test gave? Or do you think I took it too early and I should retest in a week? Thank you for the link I will check that out.

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Robin Lee
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Missing withdrawal bleeds does happen to some people while taking hormonal birth control. How often do you find it happens for you?

In terms of testing, tests can be considered accurate two weeks or more after a suspected risk, or when a period is late, whichever comes first. Knowing that, what do you think is your best course of action, again keeping in mind that you know you didn't have a risk?

I think the question here is whether a pregnancy test is actually going to alleviate your fears. You can tell us objectively that you didn't have a risk, yet you're concerned that your test isn't accurate. Those two things don't add up. See what I mean?

[ 10-14-2012, 10:00 AM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]

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Robin

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olemgirlygirl
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Alright thank you I wasn't sure if it was normal or not. It only happened to me once before, this would be the second time this has happened. Okay so I did miss my period so I am under the right time to take a test and I can trust that it would be accurate. I guess I just wasn’t sure since the act of the risk was only 9 days ago. I understand what you’re saying... I was just scared because even though I was told there was no risk I still believed there was. Pregnancy just scares me a lot and when my bf doesn’t wash his hands that scares me even more. So with those put together it really scared me and my fears just take over me and I can’t think logically weather there is a risk or not. To be honest I am not sure if this falls under a no risk or a low-risk. If there is a low-risk wouldn’t there still be a slight chance even though it’s small? That is why I took a test to be sure, I just want to trust the results is all.
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Robin Lee
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Can you talk about what is confusing you in terms of the risk?

And if you do continue to miss withdrawal bleeds, it's certainly somethingy ou can talk to your doctor about, since it sounds like it's causign you a lot of anxiety.

--------------------
Robin

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olemgirlygirl
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Well I use to be worried about pre-cum now I have kind of gotten over that phase and now have more of a fear of ejaculation. My boyfriend makes sure to pee after his recent ejaculation so there is no sperm percent in pre-cum which makes me not so scared. But because this scenario deals with ejaculation and I know that has sperm in it and it scares me so much. I am not 100% sure if he had ejaculation on his hands but I fear he did and didn't realize and fingered me right after. That is why I don't understand how that is not a risk - I understand it's not a very high one but wouldn't it still fall under the low-risk category? I think I will defiantly call my doctor this week and make an appointment with her because it defiantly makes me worried not to have a period like this.
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olemgirlygirl
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Robin I took another test, this worry is really getting to me. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I still have this worry after it came out negative. I feel I am still worried that I didn't do the test properly or something even though I read the instructions carefully. Does it make a big deal if you were off by second? It says to place your urine on the stick for 5 seconds.
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Claire P.
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Hi olemygirlygirl,
I'm sorry to hear how worried you are. Luckily, Robin has very clearly illustrated here why you are not at risk for pregnancy. You yourself seem to understand, at least on a *logical* level, why you are not at risk for pregnancy.

Much like with anything else, being scared that you might be, or might get, pregnant does not increase the chances that this will actually occur. Do you see why that is not scientifically sound?

If it helps, think about this question instead:

You go to your eye doctor for a checkup because you are worried that although your vision currently seems fine, it might get worse really soon. Your doctor tests your eyes and says they are fine, and not only are they healthy now, but they present no evidence of possible future risks to your eye health.

Now, would you continue to frantically worry about impending doom for your eye health/sight, or would that appointment make you feel better? Would you continue to schedule appointments with numerous other eye doctors (or the same ones, repeatedly) for other tests and other opinions?

If your answer is yes to the above, I would ask if you are generally an anxious person, or otherwise experience the kind of frantic worry you are relating here to issues of concern that are not related to sexual activity and pregnancy...?

If your answer would be no to the above eye worry scenario, your problem here is definitely focused on this particular issue- but it's not a problem because you actually have a risk of pregnancy, because you do not.

So, rather than spending any more time feeding an illogical non-risk worry- which is not the best use of your/our time when we could actually be making headway with your issue- why not maybe explore why you are feeling so anxious about this?

Are you generally comfortable with being sexually active? Are there certain elements in your relationship (any/all possible facets of it- romantic, sexual, etc.) that you wonder or worry about?

[ 10-20-2012, 02:53 AM: Message edited by: Claire P. ]

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olemgirlygirl
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I understand what you are saying there really is no need to worry when I was already told that there was no-risk and worrying does nothing but just brings hurt apon yourself.

I know my worry and I am scared because I really wish my bf washed his hands before touching me or I wouldn't have this worry in the first place. I just kept feeling bad that I should have asked him before he touched me if he washed his hands except I asked after and I regret doing that because now I have this crazy worry. It scared me even more after wanting my period to come so badly that it never came and it made me really scared and made me think that I had a risk. That is when I took two pregancy tests and both came out negative. I don't know if taking a pregancy test even made me feel better because after taking the tests it made me feel more worry that I didn't take the pregnacy test correctly and thinking the test read wrong.

I already solved the problem and talked to my bf about not doing this activity for a while and if we were going to do it that again he is going to wash his hands every time before touching me.

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Robin Lee
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So, what's the next step in dealing with this worry?

It sounds like you understand the facts.

What is going to help you now?

--------------------
Robin

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