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Author Topic: Need Help
Jose2050
Neophyte
Member # 96923

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Hello, this scenario is lengthy and I would appreciate any responses to calm/justify my nerves. I have anxiety issues and have battled them all my life.

1. 12/2/11-I go over to this girls place. We kiss, dry hump, and I finger her. At no point did I take my jeans off. I do worry that at some point I may of gotten pre cum from m boxers/jeans on my finger. After that encounter I never see her again.

2. 12/15/11-She has unprotected sex while on BC with her on/off BF

3. 12/17/11-12/20/11-She claims to have had her period with bleeding for three days. I think it could be from something else.

4. Late Dec/Early Jan- She blacks out from drinking and does not remember an hour span of her life but her clothes are intact and does not feel like she did anything when her friends find her.

5. 8/3/12-She texts me just to catch up and mentions that she is due 9/13/12(she said the due date was calculated based on the 12/15 conception and makes no mention of the U/S determining it). This sends me into a panic. She thinks its very funny that I am even worried and since she did not even see my private that night she has ruled it out.

6. 8/27/12-She gives birth to a girl which was 270 days after our encounter. She is find and the girl goes to the NICU b/c the MDs say the kid is premature and the lungs need to develop. The are hoping to take her home next week. She and the guy from 12/15 are the supposed parents. I am still panicked and she is in awe of my emotional reaction and worry and has calmed my fears many times and has not wavered once. She also told me her last period before our encounter was on 11/12/11(so I saw her about 20 days later).

My nightmare is that somehow despite not removing my jeans I somehow touched my precum and it got to her with the manual sex. I am sure in the foreplay I touched other things before her. My worry is then one 12/17-12/20 the bleeding was in fact her implantation bleed and not her actual period.

Pros for me not being responsible: No direct sex, kept my jeans on the entire time, and if anything precum got in her from fingering/dry humping after I touched my jeans, the child was said to be born early even tho it was close to my date, the inital due date being 9/13.

Cons: Her bleeding 15 days after we hung out, the birth date 270 days after my encounter, me worrying about everything in life

My Questions are:

1. How low are the odds are pregnancy from indirect transfer of precum by fingers or outercourse. I prolly ejulcated a few hours before I went over and used the bathroom before i came over.

2. Do you have any ideas why she could of been bleeding on 12/17-12/20 2 days after her unprotected encounter and 15 days after our encounter? I think it could be the period/implantation or ovulation bleeding.

3. She is hoping to get the paternity results back next week. She is worried if the 12/15 unprotected encounter it is from her blacked out night and would not even make me take one since she thinks its a joke that im so worked up. Would you recommend me taking one if he comes up neg?

4. She said she was on BC and he pulled out on 12/15. If BC fails can you ovulate anytime or will you stay on your cycle?

These are the facts, I appreciate anyones input and I will give any updates as is. I really think I am no longer ready for sex and this even has scarred me the last month very badly.

Posts: 10 | From: Beverl Hill | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi Jose2050,

Okay, it's clear you've done a lot of thinking about this. Now I want you to take a big , giant breath. There is no pregnancy risk from outercourse or indirect contact such as you describe. It sounds like what you're worried about is pre-ejaculate soaking through your jeans, getting on your fingers, and somehow leading to a pregnancy. This is just not possible. Not, not likely, but actually not possible.

Can you take a read through these articles that explain why this isn't possible, then if you still have questions or concerns about it we can talk about it further?

Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction

Pregnancy Scared?

Bleeding can be for any reason. It could well have been a period and I'm not quite sure why you think it wasn't.

Your other two questions really aren't relevant since there was no pregnancy risk here.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Also, we're happy to talk with you about your feelings around sex and the upset this has caused you. i'm hoping that the information I've provided above helps ease your mind a good deal.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jose2050
Neophyte
Member # 96923

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Hi Robin,

Thank you for the quick reply. I guess why I doubt it was her period is that she had her unprotected encounter 2 days before and that was the only one she remembers (however my trust level is not 100% with her). So I was wondering if it could be from other things like ovulation/implantation etc.

But from what you say, my online research, my recollection of events, and her saying its zero percent I feel better. I am looking forward to the paternity results just for that final jump.

Also, thank you for the links, I have seen other MDs online say there is always a risk but I feel like they use blanket statements and stick to their talking points.

After any encounter my time is spent on google related to STDs/Pregnancy. After this scare with the dates being so close I really think I need an outlet to talk to. Despite being in my mid 20s I think my lack of sex ed coupled with my anxiety issues is a perfect storm for things like the post above.

Thanks again and have a great labor day weekend.

Posts: 10 | From: Beverl Hill | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi There,

You're most welcome.

We specialize in accurate information here. Yes, there's always a risk, when certain factors are present. Your situation didn't contain those factors. [Smile]

With regards to your lack of sex ed and the fears it's leading to, is there anything else you'd like to discuss right now?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jose2050
Neophyte
Member # 96923

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Hi again,

Thank you for the reassurance! Its helpful to have outlets out here that are reliable for sure.

Even-though there is no risk factor I still wonder what do you think the bleeding can be from 2 days after her supposed conception date? She says she thought it was her period but that would not make sense. Then I thought it was implantation bleeding but it seems to soon from that date and since pre-cum does not go through clothes I doubt it was from me...so if she is being truthful (big if) do you have any ideas? If not that is ok since it is merely speculation and I cant even give all the facts.

I guess with me moving forward I am just going to not get peer pressured or caught up in the moment and only do things with people I care about it. I think that would really help lower my anxiety. I think this site and ones similar to it will calm my fears if I have any future issues. Reading other posts people seem to be very helpful, patient, and non-judgmental regardless of the situation.

Thanks again!

Posts: 10 | From: Beverl Hill | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Onionpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

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Hi Jose. We really can't say what her bleeding was from, as there are various reasons someone might get some bleeding. I think it's just something you'll have to put behind you, whether you feel you can trust her or not. Since you know for sure that you can't have helped create her pregnancy, it is possible it was her period, after all.

I'm glad you're making decisions around sexual activity to make sure you only participate in things you feel comfortable with. That's a very important thing to do, after all. And as you said, if you only take part in sexual activity that you're comfortable with, with people you're comfortable doing so with, you'll be a lot happier and less anxious [Smile]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Just to also be clear, a doctor can't give anyone a specific date of conception. There's always going to be a range with that.

And doctors don't actually calculate due dates from "conception dates," but from last menstrual periods. They do that because, like I said, pinpointing a conception date to the day isn't possible, and starting from the last menstrual period tends to give a pretty accurate idea of a realistic due date, while also accounting for the variance in the length of women's fertility cycles and the varied timing of ovulation and thus, conception.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jose2050
Neophyte
Member # 96923

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Thank you for the help everyone. My irrational fears have gotten the best of me again, but after reading your responses and others posts on this site I feel better.

Thank you for the links and actual explanations why dry humping with clothes on and manual sex will not cause an issue for me. The other resources online with blanket statements that anything is possible was worrisome. Sometimes google is not my friend.

Once I hear the official results I will post an update here as courtesy to your great deeds.

Cheers!

Posts: 10 | From: Beverl Hill | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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