posted
i have a few questiongs if someone could please answer them. 1. Is it a bad thing if i dont take my pill at the same time every day. Like in the morning some times then at night others and sometimes at 1am? 2. Is it bad if my coverias are tender? 3. How does someone over come being raped and dealing with flashbacks? 4. I am very self contios now more then i was before i was raped is this common for that to happen? Please i can use all the answers or help i can get. p.s I am hoping Robin can read this and answer some i havnt heard from her in a while and i liked how she was able to talk to me and answer me in a way i was able to understand. Diamond
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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posted
also I am sorry for all of my posts. I am lonely thats all and wanting answesrs and someone to kind of talk to. I do have an advicate that i meet face to face but sometimes its easier to type rather then talk i guess. I know i might be crossing bonderis and i am sorry for that. I know there are a lot of others on this site that need help as well. I feel comfortable coming on here and experecing my feelings regarding my rape and my concerns about sexuality. I am wanting everyone to know that this is an awesome site and that i am glad i was able to find it. It is so incridele how we get answers and how we feel like we are heard. So thanks and once again sorry if i have crossed any bonderies. Thanks
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
Hi Diamond,
I'm so glad to hear that you feel heard here.
1. It's not necessarily a bad thing to take your pill at different times if you're not using it for birth control. To be used as birth control, it does need to be taken at the same time of day. It's often easier to remember to take pills, in general, if they're taken at around the same time every day, either at the same (like 10 o'clock) or at the time when something happens (like every day with lunch).
2. Can you tell me what you mean by coverias? I'm not sure what you mean. 3. Recovering from the effects of a rape can take time, as can dealing with flashbacks. Some people find that time is what helps the most, and a lot of people find that seeing a counsellor or therapist helps a lot. There are strategies that a therapist can teach a person, especially when dealing with flashbacks, and the therapist also helps the person process (go through) the feelings and thoughts to help them not be as strong. Some people find that support groups can help, or that reading books about surviving rape can help.
So, in short, there are a lot of different ways that people work with the thoughts, feelings and reactions that they're left with after a rape.
4. Can you talk a little more about how you feel self-conscious? I'm not sure exactly what kind of self-consciousness you're referring to.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4401 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
Sorry i meant overais my bad! lol and i am not taking them for birth control they are for helping with my really bad cramps. I get to the point where i get sick, cant move or eat or do anything the pain is so bad. Like i dont think i am pretty, and i think every person knows that i was raped I feel fat when i know i am not. I have a hard time changeding or being in a swim sute. I am afraid i will never be able to be with someone from this all tho i want one. Can you help me find free to low cost counseling please? I would love to go i just dont have the money. I am going to school in 2 weeks and they dont offer free sessions they are like 150 a session. Is that possible that you can help me? If i did not say enough just ask!
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
HI Diamond,
How long have your ovaries been tender?
It's understandable that you would feel self-conscious and uncomfortable in your body. Your body was violated in a pretty serious way. Some of feeling better about this, again, will be time.
Are there things you can do that help you be more comfortable? Like things that you wear that feel more comfortable than other things? What are some things you enjoy doing that involve your body (some examples might be going for a walk, brushing your hair, etc).
I'm sorry to hear your school doesn't offer free or low-cost counselling. I'll ask around to the other staff and volunteers to see if we can come up with some ideas for where you can look. I'd also suggest talking to your advocate, as she'll have a better idea of what is available in your area.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4401 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
they have been for a long time like 4 months i am getting a ultra sound on monday. I am nervous they wont find anything. Also Robin can i talk to you and maybe send an email if thats ok. I tried messeging you on here it didnt work. I want to talk about what happened and dont want everyone to see. I trut you the most because it seems like you acctually care about me and are able to talk to me in a level of sensitivity that i need.
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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posted
Does that make sense or not? I mean if it is not possible thats fine just let me know. please.
PS im sorr for being a pest.
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
HI Diamond,
I'm glad to hear you'll be going for an ultrasound to see what's up with your ovaries. If the ultrasound doesn't show anything, the doctor can still work with you to figure out what is going on and also to manage the pain.
As a Scarleteen volunteer, talking to you privately really isn't something I can do. Part of making sure you get the best service possible is making sure that that service is provided in a space where it can be monitored. I'm certainly happy to talk with you here about anything you'd like to talk about. I can assure you that you won't be judged.
We were talking last night about you finding counselling. Do you have a way to get in touch with your advocate? I think she'd be a really good person for you to start with, as she'll be most familiar with the services available either where you live or where you go to school.
Also, and, no, I'm not mad about this, but I noticed this morning that you posted the same post in two separate places, and Joey and I ended up both answering you. For future reference, if you post something, we *do see it and we *will* get to it. We do our best for there to be overlap between people being around, but since, as we've mentioned before, we're all on different time zones, sometimes this just doesn't work out. You don't need to post something twice to get our attention though. Your posts are loud and clear, and important.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4401 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
ok sorry about that i tried deleting the other one and it wouldnt let me. And even if i post my story and i keep my name and stuff out will i be able to have someone talk to me and what not. I understand there are limiets and so i thought that id ask. I am going to ask my advicate i also got a few from this thing called crisis chat so i have a few that i can call and see what i can do. Once again I am sorry. thanks for being so caring
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
Terrific. I'm really glad you're working on finding resources.
What would best help you right now?
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4401 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
i had a great day yesterday all tho i was sad and i dont know why. I have my apt tomorrow can i let you know how it goes? I am scared they wont find anything and the apt will be for nothing
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
Sure you can let us know how it goes. It's definitely frustrating when you have pain and you're worried they won't be able to find a cause for it.
Very glad to hear that yesterday was a good day.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4401 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
once in a while yes i have two really good friends from there. I am planning to go to Cali next summer hopefully. And thanks its just nice to check on here and see that someone responded or wants to talk to you. Makes me feel good and special lol. Does that makes sense? and tomorrow im not so sure i have my apt and i cant eat from 10am-4pm or drink anything exept a bottle of water at 2:15 so i will have a full bladder. I am going to so hungary! my mom is taking me out to eat after so i will have some food! Thanks for everything. For making me feel welcome, for caring, for letting me feel heard and wanted. Means SO much to me!
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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posted
Hey, diamonddust: we can't really take something like this anywhere without any context.
Do you want to explain more about what "like this" is and where this is coming from for you right now?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
my dad he is like theres crap there stop sitting on your *** and clean (which i just sat down for a minnute i was cleaning all day) i thought you were supposed to dust. there is a wrapper on the floor pick up this shit. Turn the freakn TV off. I cant do anything right for him. I feel like sometimes he doesnt love me and blames me for the rape. I know inside it wasnt my fault but when he does this to me it makes me feel like crap. He holds me to a very high standard and i cant get to it. I say i did or do my best and he is like "well your best isnt good enough try harder." A C in college is not ok its like getting an F i need to get all A's and B's to succed. He does not know how hard college really is. Im sorry for the whole vent sesh but it felt good getting in off my chest and getting a response on any ideas to handle when he is like this. Thanks
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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posted
Have you shared how your family dynamics are in this respect with your advocate?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
no not really i am kind of scared in away to. I am going to tell her next time i see her. Is tha somethngs you think I should do? Im sorry this really isnt anything regading sex questions.
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Really, there is no way to "deal" with someone being verbally abusive. In other words, that needs to stop or be worked on on his part, it's not something you will be able to magically not be upset by or impacted by.
It may also be that your family needs some counseling around your rape, and that's something your advocate could likely do a better job getting them on board with than you could.
But either way, I think it's very important you tell someone directly in your life with the ability to intervene or find interventions about all of this, and that'd be your best first step.
(And yes, on the whole, we do need to try and keep conversations here about what we actually do as an org, but we can also address things like this occasionally, but we will tend to refer users to people more able or qualified to serve them in this regard than we are.)
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
ok thanks and ya sorry about that. I have my ultrasound today. I will come on if its bad or good news i feel like i want to share that since i have been talking about it here. I hope thats ok!
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
i think it went fine. I wont get those results for a day or two. I got the test resualts from my blood and urine test tho and i dont have any STI's So YA me. I am a little disapointed to be honest tho. Thanks for asking!
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
not having an STI. I mean i know its a good thing that i dont. Its very good that i dont in fact. But part of me thinks that it would of helped my case against him if that makes sense? I know i am crazy and nuts. I am more confused then anything i think
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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posted
You wanted the tests to give some kind of physical evidence of having been assaulted to strengthen your case. I understand, and can certainly understand why not having that can feel disappointing.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
yes even tho there was semen and saliva and a bruise. It was my first time having sex so he took my virgenity. I am worried that its going to be a she said he said type of thing. Even tho i have him basically admitting it on the phone. He did not say he raped me instead that something did indead went wrong that night and it didnt go as HE planed it.
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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posted
Well, if it helps, having an STI wouldn't be any more evidence than semen. In other word,s it's not like someone having an STI proves they assaulted someone versus having consensual sex with them. So, when it came to your case, in reality, that actually would not have added anything else on top of the physical evidence already documented.
Unfortunately, very unfortunately, most sexual abuse or assault cases wind up being the kind of dynamic you're describing, where it's one person's word against another. Really, the only way they usually don't is if and when there were witnesses. That's obviously really crappy, but it is how it is.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
ya all tho this man is really high i think. He is a firefighter, paramedic and in some line of the milatary. I went to the hospital right away and my RA saw him staring at me really creppely when my friends and my ra took me to the hospital. So i dont really know i guess. I hope it does to court and he gets what he deserves. On the other hand i made him happy so i did my job. I know what happened was wrong and he needs to learn a lesson. He might be doing this to other women
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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posted
I don't know if your advocate has talked with you at all -- or if you know this stuff on your own -- about sexual abuse/assault and people with disability. namely, the fact that people with disability are assaulted and abused sexually at MUCH higher rates than those without disability.
I bring that up because for sure, someone being an otherwise valued member of the community (though it's not like this hasn't happened before with people who rape) can make a case more difficult, but the statistics alone around disability and assault can certainly counter that some.
All the same, taking a sexual assault case to court is a really brave thing to do, so I hope you're giving yourself props for your courage.
I don't know if you're being sarcastic saying "you made him happy so you did your job" or not. Clear that up for me?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
No i did not know that and my advicate didnt tell me that either. Thanks for informing me on that. I know its brave for me to take him to court. I am just worried i will go to jail. :? and what i mean by I made him happy so i did my job. I am saying he got what he wanted which was sex. All i wanted to do was watch a movie with him and he had other plans (i will past a copy of my story for you to read. if thats ok) he wanted sex and sex made him happy so i did my job. I am someone who puts everyne before myself. I want to make anyone and everyone happy. Thats just me. Does that make sense? If you have any questions feel free to ask.
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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posted
You are not at risk of going to jail unless there's something I don't know about this case.
It isn't your job to provide sex for people when it isn't what you want: that isn't anyone's job. It's also not your job to make people happy at your own expense: again, that's not anyone's job, and that's also not healthy for you (or anyone). Same goes with putting yourself before everyone else, always: that's not healthy, either, and again, for anyone.
If you haven't mentioned feeling like it was your job to make him happy, I hope you bring that up with your advocate. has she arranged for any rape counseling for you at all yet? This is certainly something you should get some help unpacking and working through.
I'm okay to read your story if you want to post it, but I am about to head off for the day. So, if you don't feel okay about it sitting and not being read until tomorrow, you might want to wait until I'm back around tomorrow. I know it can feel a little weird to tell a hard story and feel like it's just gone into the void without notice.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
I plan on seeing a counseling i think it will really help me. I have not told my advicate that i felt like it was my job. I have wanted to but when i meet with her i forget . I will wait tell tomorrow to post it. I have a cardiologist apt tomorro so i will be gone from 8am-4pm my time. It is 8pm here now. Will you be on when i am back or should i post it in the morning and then read what you have to say after?
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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posted
I probably will be gone when you're back, so perhaps the day after next? I'm usually here days only, and really need to limit my work hours to days.
I would make sure to tell your advocate you feel that way. Perhaps you could write it down somewhere so you can remember?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
ok ya i will wrote it down and i wll wait tell wednesday to post it. Can you mabye on wednesday ask me how my day was yesterday or something so I know that your on and would be able to read my story?
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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posted
I'm happy to pop in and let you know I'm here, no trouble.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
i am not going to post my story tell i get a confirm that someone is going to read it soon and respond. I am gone all day tomorrow tel 5pm my time. it is 9pm my time now. So let me know PLEASE
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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posted
This one is fine, diamonddust. And I'm around all day today, just be aware that from tomorrow through Sunday, the boards will be on a break, so we can all get some self-care and also take care of other parts of the site.
So, if things need to go longer than today with our conversation, we'll have to pick things up again on Monday.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
ok sounds good. Everyone needs to get break and have time for them selves. I was stupid and invited a guy i met online to my dorm room. All i had in mind was watching a movie. Well he had more in mind then just that. Within 5 mn of the movie starting he was forcefully kissing me and not just normal kissing. He was bitting my lips to. he then preseded to go to my neck and bit me and kiss me which left a brusie. with this happening he began touching me there with my pants on. That was not enough for him so he took off my pants and started touching me forcefully and began fingering me is what people call it i think. That still was not satisfying him. the whle time i lay still motionless not knowing what to do. Then he takes off hsi pants and began raping me. I was scared this was my first time he took my virginety away from me. I was able to get away i put my pants on and ran to a friends room. I thought I was safe he was a military man, is a fireman and he is a paramedic. So noone would think he could hurt someone like that. I went to the hospital right away had a rap kit done. I had to take medication to prevent and STDs or pregancy. I am filling charges. there was dna evidence that it happened. I am scared i have been ignoring what happened and blocking it out of my mind. I want him to pay but i didnt say no so he maybe thought is alright. His lawyer sent over a private invesigator to come talk to me on 3 weeks ago. I called my advicate she was not in so i talked to a different one and she said to not talk to him it could harm my case. I also called my detective thats on the case for me and he said not to talk to him. I did just that. It is not me against him its the state against him. i am trying to foget that it ever happened and ignore everything in my mind. I feel like crying sometimes but i cant. Is it healthy to ignore it and pretend nothing happened? I need advic.
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
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. I will wait tell tomorrow to post it. I have a cardiologist apt tomorro so i will be gone from 8am-4pm my time. It is 8pm here now. Will you be on when i am back or should i post it in the morning and then read what you have to say after?
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