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Author Topic: Can i get an STD from this?
foreverbroken
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I was recently raped. He took my virginitay away. He did not break my hyna that i know of since i did not bleed. He also did not go "all" the way in. At least i dont think so. I went and had a kit done and there was semen and salava present. I was on meds to perevent any STDs. I am also on the pill. I know I am not pregnant. I want to know if i can still have an STD and if a doctor can tell if you had sex once. I have to go back and have a pelvic exam and am scared it happened 3 months ago and i have a doc apt. in a week and there is only a male doctor avalible i am scared is it ok to be scared? I kind of wish he got my pregnant so id have something to look forward to. Is that normal? Its hard for me to be next to a male or have anyone touch me in any way even if its an arm graze by accedent. Can someone have sex and have the hyna not break? I am really confused and need help.

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Robin Lee
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Hello diamonddust44 and welcome to Scarleteen.
I am sorry you feel so scared and alone. WE talk to a lot of peple who have survived rape. Any thoughts and feelings you're having right now are okay; you don't need to try not to have them or to feel different things. Something very bad happened to you and it's okay to be scared and to think all kinds of things.

What kind of support do you have from friends and family? Do they know what happened? Are they helpful and supportive to you?

In terms of seeing the doctor, is there no female doctor at that practice? If there is, is it possible for you to go at another time to be seen by her? It's absolutely acceptable for you to request a female doctor if the practice has one working with them. If seeing this male doctor is something you don't have a choice about, you can ask for a nurse to be present in the room; in fact, this is something that should be done as a default, but if it doesn't happen, you can ask for one to be present and not agree to the exam until one is present. Aditionally, would it be helpful to you to take a family member or friend with you? They can also be in the room with you during your exam.

It is important that you be tested for STDs or as we often call them STIs (sexually transmitted infections). This is something you can ask about when you go to the doctor. Some STI tests are blood tests and other are urine tests. Would it be helpful for you to have more information about the testing process or STIs in general?

The hymen, or the corona as it is now often called, is a stretchy membrane at the opening of the vagina. For many women it has already worn away from physical activity, menstruation, tampon use, and so on. It isn't usual for a woman to bleed, whether the penetration was consensual sex or rape. If you would like to read it, here is some more information on
My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It

It is rare that doctors can tell during a physical examination that a person is sexually active unless the sexual activity was very recent.

How else can we support you through this?




When you were at the hospital being examined, did they give you any information about counselling for rape survivors? If not, is counselling something you'd be interested in looking for? We can help you find counselling services if you would like.

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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I was put on a high dose of meds when it happened. So can i still get an STI? I do not know anything about sex. So more information about STIs will be nice. My family knows i was raped they do not know the story or anything. I have an advicate that will come with me to my exam. At the practice there is no female doctor with them. I know that it was my fault for being raped. So women dont bleed the first time they have sex? I am worried since i have not had the HP1 serises vaccine and my advicate said that the medication i took does not prevent HP1. I dont know what to do. I am sorry

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Robin Lee
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Can you tell me why you think it was your fault that you were raped? You're not to blame for something that someone else did.

I'm glad to hear that you have an advocate and that she'll be with you during the exam.

What kind of medication did they give you at the hospital? There are several different STIs; some of them are infections and some of them are viruses. Not all of them can be prevented by taking medication so it's a good idea for you to ask to have STI testing done. By HP1 do you mean HPV? No, that can't be prevented with medication.

Here is an article explaining HPV. At the bottom of the article you'll see links that explain other STIs. This isn't to scare you but to help you have more information so you can ask the doctor questions and ask for the tests you need to make sure you're in good health.
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/infection/the_sti_files_human_papillomavirus_hpv

Also, here is an article on
Dealing With Rape


And yes, many, many women don't bleed during their first experience with consensual vaginal intercourse or rape.

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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i feel like i asked for it and i never said no i laid there motionless. I was on lithermax and something else idk. My advicate said it was to pervent ganaria, cyphalis, herpes. I wish i got pregnant from him so id have something to look forward to. I am sorry for being a bother on this site. There was semen idk where it was on me or in me so idk if someone can get an STI from semen just touching you down there. I dont think i have any symptoms. I have been more tired lately not hungary really and lost some weight. Is that something to be worried about?

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Robin Lee
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HI There,

First of all, you're not being a bother. You have a lot of concerns and questions, and it sounds like you don't really have anybody with whom you can really discuss all of this.

No one asks to be raped. And the fact that you didn't say no doesn't mean that you said yes. What happens for a lot of people when they are attacked physically, no matter what kind of attack it is, is that they go into a sort of shock. The societal expectation that people who are raped should have reacted doesn't take this into account.

Consensual sex--that is, sex that two people wants--involves active consent; both people talk and agree that they're going to have sex with each other. If the guy didn't ask you if you wanted to have sex, if you didn't actively say "yes, I want to do this", then it wasn't something you agreed to. That is rape. Have you had a chance to read the "dealing with rape" article? I think it could be helpful to you.

Many STIs don't exhibit symptoms right away. This isn't meant to scare you, only to say that the tiredness you've experienced isn't from a STI. You sound very stressed and upset, so I suspect the physical symptoms you're experiencing are because of that.

It's really important to be tested for STIs, even though you were given preventative medication; they need to make sure that it worked. Is asking for that testing something you think you'll be able to do?

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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I think they are going to test me for HP1 or what its called. I am stressed i have really no one to talk to i feel alone and i want to cry i cant tho i have no emotions left in me i an numb. I hope i dont have an STD and if i do it will help my case so i think it will be good if i have one right?

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Robin Lee
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HI There,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel so alone. It's a scary place to be when you don't feel like you can talk to anyone, and your emotions just feel so turned off.

Are you getting any counselling for the rape? If not, is finding counselling something you'd like to do? There are counsellors who have experience talking with people who have been raped; they don't judge or force their own opinions on people.

It's important that they do test you for the full range of STIs. By "your case" I think you're talking about your legal case. I'm not sure what impact STI test results have on rape legal cases. Whether or not you end up having a STI, I'm glad to hear that you're getting health care.


What would be most helpful for us to talk about with you?

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Robin

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Robin Lee
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HI There,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel so alone. It's a scary place to be when you don't feel like you can talk to anyone, and your emotions just feel so turned off.

Are you getting any counselling for the rape? If not, is finding counselling something you'd like to do? There are counsellors who have experience talking with people who have been raped; they don't judge or force their own opinions on people.

It's important that they do test you for the full range of STIs. By "your case" I think you're talking about your legal case. I'm not sure what impact STI test results have on rape legal cases. Whether or not you end up having a STI, I'm glad to hear that you're getting health care.


What would be most helpful for us to talk about with you?

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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i honestly do not know. I mean i feel fine so i dont think i have any STIs or anything all tho there are some that have no symptoms for a while and i cant affored to go anywhere let alone have a car to go somewhere. I have been holding it all in. I am sorry this is more of a discussion then a chat. I can leave and hold it in like i normaly do. I am sorry for being a bother. I mean what are the chances of me having an STI? How fast can a guy get an ejaculation and can the women feel when it comes?

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Im always abandond

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Robin Lee
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Again, this is what we're here for. To answer questions. And I definitely hear you on not being able to get out to find counselling. I can't drive, myself, and have often been dependent on others for getting places.

There are other resources. You can talk with us as much and as long as you need to. If you have access to a phone, there are free hotlines for people who have experienced rape to call and talk to someone who has been trained to talk to rape survivors and who won't judge.

No, a woman can't always tell if the person penetrating her has an ejaculation. It's something that partners engaging in consensual sex would communicate about, and a woman might learn what her partner does during an ejaculation and how it feels, but everyone's different.

As to the chances of you having a STI...there's no way to know that until you get tested.

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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I have caled hotlines before. Sometimes its nice not to talk and to type how i feel. I feel like i am dirty and a horrible person for being raped. I am somewhere i cant talk to anyone and i feel like no one really cars. My parents at first blamed me for being raped. Am i to be blamed?

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Robin Lee
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I definitely understand how it feels safer to type than to talk. Know that you can always call the hotline if you need someone else to talk to, and we can also talk here.

No, you're not to blame for being raped. Put another way, you're not to blame for something that someone else decided to do to you. Raping you was something that guy decided to do, not something you asked or suggested that he do. No one asks to be raped. As I mentioned above, consensual sex--sex that both people agree on--doesn't just happen because no one says no, but because both people say yes.

I am sorry to hear that your parents blamed you and can understand why it makes you feel scared and makes you doubt yourself. In this case, though, your parents were wrong. I'm sorry that you aren't getting the support from them that you need.

Can you get support from any of your friends, do you think?

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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i dont have much for friends either. I feel bad and i am sorry. Please do not be mad at me. I am trying to hold it all in and be happy. I am on the outside but on the inside i am crying. I try to forget that it ever happened and try to ignore how i "really" am feeling.

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foreverbroken
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please i am sorry do not be mad at me please i am sorry for everything i need help i know i am wanting to know if when i want to have sex will i since i was raped and it is so idk how to word it

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Robin Lee
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I'm not mad at you, and I'm not going to get mad at you. I know that the rape wasn't your fault, and I won't get upset with you for anything you do or don't decide to do, or for anything you do or don't feel.

I think you're asking if you'll ever be interested in having sex with a partner. Is that what you're asking? If so, I can't predict the future but what I can tell you is that many people who have been raped do end up having satisfying sexual relationships with partners they choose to have sex with. There is a process to healing and it will take time. It's not going to always feel like this.

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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yes i feel like no one cares what happenes to me. I feel bad posting alot and venting and asking things. I know thats what your here for. I know i have been used and abused my whole life and so i dont know if i am doing something/it here.

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Robin Lee
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I'm sorry that you've been treated so poorly by people.

How about this? I promise you that if you ever do anything inappropriate I or one of the other volunteers or staff members will tell you gently, will simply ask you not to do it again, and will not be mad at you. Nothing you are doing right now is inappropriate and based on the conversations we are having I don't expect that you'll do or say anything wrong.

We really are okay with you here.

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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yes please i would greatly appreciate that. Thanks for the help. I feel like i can be heard here and have my answeres answered with caring and respect. I try to be good and not do anything wrong so i hope i havnt. Am i posting to much?

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Robin Lee
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That's what we aim for is caring and respect. You're fine with your posting. Really. You have a lot of questions and concerns. It's understandable.

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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ok thanks and ya i do have alot of both of them. I am glad i can come here and trust you [Smile] means a lot

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Robin Lee
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You're most welcome. And all the other staff and volunteers are really friendly too.

I'm headed off for the evening, but I will be back tomorrow morning.

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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Thanks I have no idea who the others are since your the only one who has replied to my posts is there a reason for that?

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foreverbroken
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if i do get an STD will i always have it

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Im always abandond

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Karybu
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Hi diamonddust. I'm one of the other volunteers here - welcome to Scarleteen. (To answer your question about why Robin was the only one who replied to your posts, often that has to do with who happens to be online at any given time; we all live in different time zones so sometimes there's only one or two volunteers looking at the message boards.)

With regards to STDs, some are curable, so they go away after a course of medication. Infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea are in that category, they can be taken care of with antibiotics. Others are treatable, but not curable: there is medication available to help reduce the number of herpes outbreaks a person has, for example, and to help outbreaks clear up more quickly when they do happen, but there's no cure, so someone who has herpes will always have herpes, whether they have any symptoms or not. Does that help?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Robin Lee
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Good Morning Diamond Dust,

Just checking in to see how you're doing today. If you have anything you want to talk about, a couple of us will be around throughout the day.

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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yes i am scared i might have an STI. I am doing ok today. I am tired i had a hard time sleeping. I am really nervous to have my exam and do not know whats going to really happen and what to expect if i some how have an STI.

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Robin Lee
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When is your exam? Have you had a gynecological exam before? If not, you might find the information in this article helpful:
Your First Gynecologist Visit

If any of your STI tests come back positive, your doctor will work with you on a treatment or management plan, depending on what STI it is. We'll also be here to help you find support and information. It's a scary possibility, for sure.

I'm sorry to hear you're so scared right now; it's understandable. Is there anything you like to do that can help you relax a little and take your mind off things for a little while?

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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yes it is my first. I had a kit done at the hospital so idk if that really counts. My exam is on the 9th. I am going to try to paint. I painted one the other day and it helped. It is a heart with a puzzle piece missing. The piece is bellow the heart. On the top of the paper above the heart it says. "You thought you took my life?" and then bellow the heart it says "But I took it back!" and it has the tirqorise ribons beside the heart. I know i am being a chicken being scared right now and i feel bad that i am taking the time away from people who have questions regarding sex so i am sorry.

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Robin Lee
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There's plenty of time for everyone. What we know here at Scarleteen is that talking about sex encompasses a wide range of things, so we talk about not only fact-based things like how to prevent pregnancy or what to do about STI risks, but also the emotional and life stuff like working on relationships or how to handle the aftermath of rape. Your questions and topics of conversation are perfectly okay.

That painting sounds amazing. What a great way for you to express your feelings right now. I hope you paint some more if it is helpful to you.

If you've never had an exam before, the steps outlined in the article I sent you will help you get a sense of what will happen. The most important thing to remember is that it's okay to ask as many questions as you need to.

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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thanks and i will read that when i get a chance. I feel like i dont even know myself anymore from the rape. Is it normale to pretend nothing happened?

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Im always abandond

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Robin Lee
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A lot of people pretend that nothing happened. People do this for a variety of reasons: Thinking about it and remembering it can be too scary to handle at times. People around them aren't supportive and would just rather pretend it didn't happen. And lots of other reasons.

Pretending the rape didn't happen can help people in the short-term, but there are usually feelings that keep coming up unless they're recognized and dealt with.

Sounds like your painting is a safe way for you to deal with these feelings.

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Robin

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they are and i was given meds at the hopsital my advicate said they are for clamidia, ganareai, cyphalis and herpies. Are there any other STI that i dont know of?

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Im always abandond

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Robin Lee
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There are a few other STIs.

Even if they gave you meds at the hospital, the doctor should do tests to make sure that there are no STIs present, just as they would do tests for any other infections to make sure that the medication did its job.

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Robin

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what are the other STI's? and do i a just ask him to check for any STD's or STI's?

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Im always abandond

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