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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Annxious and Misinformed

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Author Topic: Annxious and Misinformed
animangachik
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Member # 96079

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Hi there [Smile] First I just want to thank you for this amazing site. I have learned so much more than what my high school sex ed class taught me. I'm writing this because of a few reasons.

1) My boyfriend and I are always very careful when we decide to mess around. We never have vaginal intercourse. However, I do give him handjobs occasionally, but I always keep my pants on. Is it true that if I had jeans and underwear on that there is no risk for pregnancy? I have been all over the internet (including this site) and I have found conflicting information on this. I trust what you guys say more than anything, so I believe there is no risk from this.

2) Regardless of the fact that there is no risk, I always get extremely freaked out. I know for a fact that I got no ejaculate anywhere on or near my vulva, just on my hand possibly. I always wash my hands thoroughly before touching myself down there. What can I do to ease my anxiousness? I lose way to much sleep thinking "what if..."

3) Because of this, I take a pregnancy test every month. For future reference, if I take the test properly (which I'm sure I do) is 14 days enough to wait? How accurate will the result be?

Once again, thank you for all that you do here.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You're so welcome. [Smile]

1) Handjobs, period, don't pose a pregnancy risk, because pregnancy can't happen without direct vaginal/vulval contact.

2) Well, why do YOU think you feel so scared and anxious?

3) The test will be as accurate as it says it will be on the box, providing you take it properly. And timing-wise, pregnancy tests will usually be accurate either after a period is missed or around 2-3 weeks after a possible risk, whichever comes first.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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animangachik
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Member # 96079

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I think the main reason I'm scared is because I really, really can't handle a pregnancy and I would definitely have to get an abortion. I think it would be really awkward to explain that I got pregnant even though I didn't have actual "intercourse." But I figure as long as I leave my pants on and have my boyfriend ejaculate in, let's say, a paper towel, there's no issue there. Am I correct? [Smile]
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, there's not a risk of pregnancy, no, but with you feeling the way you are, I do think there's an issue.

In other words, do you think that, with feeling how you are all the time, now is really the best time for you to be engaging in any kind of partnered sex that triggers these fears at all?

(Btw, if walking through one unlikely reality help at all, when one goes to an abortion clinic, no one asks how someone got pregnant. We ask what, if any BC methods someone is using to try and see if they want another or need help using them properly, but no one has to explain how they got pregnant, because it really doesn't matter to an abortion provider or change how they'd perform their job.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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animangachik
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Member # 96079

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I think I am definitely going to talk to my boyfriend about this. He gets just as freaked out as I do. We'll slow things down for sure now. Thank you for alleviating my fears. Now that I know that handjobs do not create a pregnancy risk, I feel at ease. I appreciate you taking the time to give me detailed responses.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Of course.

And for sure, if both of you feel freaked out all the time, sounds like pulling things back and trying to first figure out what you'd both need to feel differently would be a really smart, sound approach.

Keeping up with what you have been doing without doing that first, and taking some real time to, just isn't likely to leave either of you feeling any differently.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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