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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » give up, or keep trying?

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Author Topic: give up, or keep trying?
girlofglass
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Member # 75077

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I was dating this boy for over a year, and we had a really great relationship. We rarely had problems, and both of us really cared for each other. He went away to a different country for eight months, and without telling me, he broke off our relationship. Eventually, after five months he realized I thought we were still together, and over email he told me he thought we were done when he left.

So, he got back last month and I saw him, and it was nice to see him. Then, the second time we hung out I asked the status of our relationship, and what really happened while he was away. He basically told me that he didn't think he could get involved with me because he wanted to do his own independent thing, and he was having a hard time dealing with his parent's divorce. It wasn't that he didn't care about me, it was that he couldn't handle having a girlfriend. He then suggested that we be friends, and after a few days of thinking, I thought it'd be good to be friends with him.

We had a really great night hanging out, but then he started being weird. He wouldn't answer my phone calls, and when I hung out with him and his friend and my friend, he completely ignored me. Then he ignored me for two weeks after I confronted him about it. Recently, I apologized and he said something about us not being able to be friends, but then immediately changed his mind and said we could. Throughout that conversation, he kept talking about sex and breaking up, and rebounding in college, which didn't have much to do with what we were originally talking about. I thought he was insinuating something, but it was so confusing. The next night I asked him to hang out, and he said he would call me the next day to make plans, but he hasn't, and now he's completely ignoring me.

I know that I probably should just give up, because I'm pretty sure he's avoiding me for a reason, but I don't know what that reason is. I want him to tell me himself, but I can't get a hold of him when he completely ignores me. I don't want to lose him because he means so much to me as a person and a friend, and I don't know whether he thinks I'm going to try to win him back, which I don't plan on doing if he doesn't want that. I just don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about him, but there is also nothing I can do. I've tried asking my friends for advice, but they know him too well and just tell me it isn't worth my time. I just want an outside opinion of what to do, or why he's acting like he is. Any ideas?

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Unfortunately, we can't really tell you what it going on inside of his head, either. But from what you are saying, it sounds like he may not be entirely sure what he wants, himself.

Either way, at this point you are clearly not going to get a straight answer from him, and you are obviously hurt by his inconsiderate and erratic behavior. So I would agree with your friends that it would be better for your to stop pursuing this. Rather than trying to figure him out, you can focus on yourself and on moving on from him.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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