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Author Topic: Cant reach orgasam
Member # 54946

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Hi, I'm not sure if this is in the right forum but I didn't no where to post it. I have two questions, the first being the more important.

1. Basically I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we've been sexually active for about 4 months now, we usually meet up once a week, usually he stays over at mine. Hes my first sexual partner and we are very safe. The problem is, is that I can never climax, we usually have sex three or four times a night when we meet up, and he orgasams every time, but I have NEVER had an orgasam with him. The only time that I've come close and felt the beginings of one is when I was lying on him on the couch and we both had our clothes on and I was grinding against him, I could feel his trousers belt rubbing against me but we couldnt go any further because there were other people in the house. It felt so good that one time but I couldnt let myself go there. When I masterbate by myself I cant orgasam either, and it gets so frustarting that I usually just give up quickley, the only times that I can climax by myself is when I'm lying in the bath and I hold the foset or spraying water against my cliterous, and I can feel the water vibrating on me. Its so frustrating for me to not be able to orgasm with my boyfriend cos I love him so much. I only told him a few days ago that I've never climaxed with him, and he feels terrible now, I dont want him to feel like hes not performing right or hes not going for long enough cos I no he feels really bad, even though I no its nothing to do with him. What do I do? How can I orgasam with him?

2. He is also going to Sweden for 4 months in September, at the momnent we live about 3 hours drive away from each other, so I'm used to not seeing him all the time, but I no 4 months is going to be really hard. Last night we tried phone sex for the first time but I'd love some tips if you had any or new of any good websites ...

As I said the first question about nor reaching orgasam is the most important and most frustrating, thanks so much for your time scarleteen =)


Posts: 25 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

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Hi Amyyy. Your boyfriend shouldn't feel that he's "not performing right" or anything like that -- if you're not sure for yourself what makes you orgasm, how is HE supposed to know? He shouldn't expect to just magically know how to make you orgasm, that's just not the way these things work, I'm afraid.

Also, it's very common for people with vaginas to never orgasm from intercourse alone, in case either of you were expecting that.

Have you seen these articles?
Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum
Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm: Masturbation is Your Friend

It sounds like you just need to take some more time figuring out -- on your own, particularly, but you can also try with your partner -- what works for you. I see that you say you've tried using water and that you've reached orgasm from that. Which makes it clear that you certainly can reach orgasm [Smile] So it's a matter of exploring more to find other ways you can orgasm -- try different methods of masturbation, focusing on different parts of your body, using different toys, etc.

It can also depend on what kind of sex you're having with your boyfriend -- you didn't explain further what you mean by "sex", so I'm not sure what kinds of sex you're having. Some people find that kinds of sex other than vaginal intercourse work a lot better in getting them to orgasm.

I'd also suggest that you try not to focus too much or put too much pressure on yourself to have an orgasm when you're having sex. Because that can really psyche yourself out. So try to just relax and enjoy yourself whether you have an orgasm or not, especially since that will actually make it a lot easier to have an orgasm [Smile]

As for your second question, we can't give specific "technique" tips on any kind of sex. But what we recommend is that you just feel it out for yourself, as all sex is really unique to the individual, so specific tips from someone else aren't going to be very helpful. Sex is all about exploration and discovering what you yourself enjoy. In fact, that's where most of the fun lies, I'd say -- in the exploration and discovery [Smile]

So explore different ways of having non-physical-sex with your boyfriend while he's away, and decide for yourself what works or doesn't -- you may find that certain kinds of sex (phone sex, or something else) just don't work for you, and you might find one that totally rocks your socks.

[ 07-02-2012, 09:33 AM: Message edited by: Onionpie ]

Posts: 1311 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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