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Author Topic: Ready?
polkadots2
Neophyte
Member # 93754

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. I feel that I'm ready for sex and have for some time now. When I told him this yesterday, we talked about it, and he was happy with my feelings. This will be my first time having sex, he has had sex before. I told him that I want to wait and research/get on birth control before we take the next step. But now that I'm thinking about it, I'm starting to get nervous. I'm not sure that this is a sign that I'm not ready, or if it's just nerves over something because I've never done before. I'm also nervous about birth control. I learned in one of my sciences classes this year that birth control is something that shouldn't be taken too early on in life because it decreases the amount of estrogen our bodies produce, which could contribute to problems later on in life. But then I'm afraid to only use a condom because what if it breaks? My mom and I don't really talk about sex all that much, but when I brought up the topic of birth control that my professor discussed, she agreed with him and said that until about 5 years ago when she started using birth control, she had only used condoms. I know that this is a lot, but I would appreciate some guidance. Thank you!
Posts: 20 | From: usa | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi polkadots2,

When you say that you are ready to have sex with your boyfriend, do you mean vaginal intercourse? I'm assuming you mean that because you mentioned birth control, but I wanted to make sure I was understanding you correctly. Vaginal intercourse is just one kind of sex. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have been sexually active in other ways, yes?

Let's start with your birth control questions first.

I'm not sure what your sciences instructor meant by too early in life. From what we understand here at Scarleteen there isn't any rigorous scientific data showing that taking birth control will affect a woman's fertility or general health later in life.

Know, too, that there are other birth control methods besides the birth control pill and condoms.

Here's a rundown of all the different methds. We can definitely discuss any of these options further.

Birth Control Bingo!

It's also important to consider STI transmission risks. Indeed, depending on what sexual activities you and your boyfriend have already engaged in, thinking about STI risks may be something that you'll already want to be thinking about. Have you and your boyfriend discussed this at all?

Know too that whatever birth control option you end up choosing, condoms can always be used as a back-up and are the only one of the birth control options that can protect against STI transmission as well.

If I understand what you're saying correctly, you're wondering if you feel nervous about having intercourse because you're really not ready or just because it's something new.

Perhaps you could start by talking about what it was that made you feel like you were ready in the first place, and your reasons for wanting to have intercourse.

You may also find this sex readiness checklist helpful:


Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
polkadots2
Neophyte
Member # 93754

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Yes, I do mean vaginal intercourse, sorry for not clarifying! We have been sexually active, but we have yet to have vaginal intercourse. Ok, that makes me feel better regarding the birth control. How reliable are condoms though?
With the whole readiness issue, you have it right. With my last boyfriend, I knew deep down that I did not want to have sex (intercourse) with him. I just had a gut feeling that he was not the right person for me to do that with, and I knew that he didn't value me the way that I should have been. But with my current boyfriend, I have the absolute opposite feeling, I want to be with him in that way and I do know that he does value me. But when I told him the other day that I was ready, I got a wave of nervousness, and so I'm not sure if I should attribute that to the fact that this will be my first time, of if it's a warning. I'll take a look at the readiness checklist though. Thank you!

Posts: 20 | From: usa | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Here's some more information on condoms you might find helpful:
Condom Basics: A User's Manual

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
polkadots2
Neophyte
Member # 93754

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Thank you [Smile]
Posts: 20 | From: usa | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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