posted
Hello! I'm alexander007! I have a few questions if it's okay to ask several in one topic.
1: I prefer to wait a fairly long time before engaging in sex with a partner. To be clear I'm a virgin and I've only been in one relationship. I have discussed this issue in a group setting and so I didn't exactly get a satisfactory answer. Will I have to (should I?) compromise with my partner as far as when and what we do? I prefer sex to be a way to express/experience/explore the love and the bond that two people share. I understand others think otherwise. If I don't find a women who thinks the same way should I be prepared to compromise in some way? To be clear I would prefer to do next to nothing for... well as long as it takes for me to feel like we have a loving, trusting, deeply intimate romance.
2: I have been masturbating pretty much every day since about 10-13 yrs old barring situations like vacations with family. As far as I can recall I've always squeezed what I think is called the "PC" muscle (excuse me if I'm wrong on that.) continually throughout masturbation. If I don't squeeze this muscle then I don't really progress toward a climax. I masturbate by bringing myself near to climax and then backing off usually for 1-3 hours. I can also masturbate pretty easily 3-4 times over a span of a few hours. So the question is is this pretty good as far as stamina and control and such? I would like to look at masturbation as "practice" for the real thing and would hope that I am getting good so that when I find the right girl I can do well to give her pleasure.
If you have answers to my questions or suggestions I would be very grateful! (Thumbs up!)
Edit: I also believe I may be multiorgasmic. I can usually maintain an erection after climax and can... halve? an orgasm by squeasing tightly. (I do this if I accidently push too far.)
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
HI Alexander007 and welcome to Scarleteen!
In answer to your first question: It's always okay to stick to what you want and believe in. If two partners believe in radically different things, whether it's about sex or something else entirely, chances are that one partner is going to end up unhappy. This isn't going to make for a very happy or healthy relationship.
So, if waiting on sexual activity until you know you've develop strong feelings for a partner is what you want, then you can make that part of what you look for in your partner. Does this make sense?
In answer to your second question: Any way that someone chooses to masturbate is always okay. Every person is different, so what works for them is what is happy and healthy for them.
Here's a thought though. Masturbation is a sexual activity in and of itself. It isn't, and never has to be, preparation for other sexual activity. Sex with oneself is as legitimate as sex with a partner, so seeing sex with a partner as the "real thing" isn't necessarily accurate or fair to yourself or really to any partner that you might have in the future.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4379 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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I do look for that now, I just was told I'm in the extreme minority as far as my attitude toward sex. To be clear I was in a relationship for around 3 months and the most that happened was she kissed me on the cheek! To be even more clear I would see no issue with waiting a few years before considering it if that's how long it took. So then I should, not hold myself to a certain standard? Is that what your saying? Just enjoy it? (Thumbs up!)
Posts: 3 | Registered: Jun 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
HI There,
You put it perfectly! No reason to hold yourself to any standard at all except for your own enjoyment.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4379 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
And in answer to your question about relationships, developing a relationship, both the sexual component and everything else, requires teamwork. So, you and your partner would work together to make the relationship what you both want it to be. If you feel strongly about this, I would just suggest making sure to be upfront with anyone you're getting into a relationship with. Otherwise, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about what will happen. As long as you communicate clearly, and stay true to yourself, and show respect for your partner, the rest will take care of itself.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4379 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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