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Author Topic: Boyfriend wants to have sex but I'm still not ready
Moonshine0691
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Hi, me again. I just got a text from my boyfriend 'bout half an hour ago and he said, very randomly I might add, "I really want to have sex with you. Just figured that I tell you. We've been together over a year. I'm ready when you are, and when we have the things we need."

He then called me afterwards because I didn't reply right away (was outside) and I told him that I still wanted to wait regardless of how long we've been together and he said that he knows and that's why he put it in the text. He said it very smugly though on the phone then he just said that he had to leave for work so I hung up. He then texted me again saying that there's no need for my attitude and that I shouldn't have hung up on him. I told him how he was saying everything and he disagreed with that of course. He then texted me saying, "Even if I was (upset), I would think my girlfriend would ask if I was ok, like I always ask her when she has a different tone. Not just hang up after I say that I have to go." (I know the word for word texts aren't important but I just need to get everything out of my system...kinda shaking while typing this).

If you knew how he was he's basically the type of person who can do no wrong in his eyes and if you call him out on it, he'll deny it. I said that was him pretty much spitting in my face (which he denies) and we're not talking at this point. I'm going to wait to see what happens tonight but the main reason why I'm here is because I don't want fights like this to break out when I tell him that I'm not ready for sex. I'm paranoid enough as it is when we have clothes on (dry humping) and he knows that but he doesn't seem to get it. He'll just randomly say that he's ready to have sex with me and says when I'm ready it'll happen but he seems to be very pushy with this subject as of late. I'm still a little paranoid about my last topic that I posted on here and now I can't even talk to him about that because I can tell it annoys him.

Right now, I just need someone to talk to who isn't going to turn around and say I'm the bad person when I say I'm not ready for sex.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Based on your third paragraph, can I ask why you're still with this person at all?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Moonshine0691
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I've thought that myself. Right now since I said I'm still paranoid that's the main reason as to why I'm still with him. I'm afraid that if by some slim chance that I am in fact pregnant, that I don't want to go through it alone. Of course, I can't use that as my excuse since I've been told I have nothing to worry about.

I'm not afraid of what he'll say or do if I break up with him, it's this paranoia that I have. One of the stupidest things I've ever said, but I know I don't want to stay with him.

What are ways to cope with paranoia?

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Heather
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Okay, but even if that isn't the main reason, it doesn't sound like he's someone so great to be in a relationship with, you know?

What are you afraid of with a breakup?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Moonshine0691
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To me, it's turned into one of those, "he was a great guy when I first met him and now he's changed and become a different person" relationships. Common story but it's true. He wasn't like this until recently. He still wines and dines me, but it seems like now for the past month or so, he's getting more stubborn and if I say something he disagrees with, he doesn't talk it out with me anymore. He just turns it into an argument and this is the second time it's turned into us not talking for the rest of the day. To me, it's like he wants to break up but when I say that to him he says that he doesn't but then turns it around and asks me if I want to break up with him because I was the one who brought it up.

I know that if I end the relationship today, in a couple of days he'll just keep asking me to take him back. It's happened before when we first broke up and we got back together maybe 4 months later. He wasn't like this when we first broke up but still. I don't know what's gotten into him.

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Moonshine0691
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Sorry, reading it now that didn't answer your question.

I'm not afraid to break up with him, it's the whole paranoid thing. If I wasn't paranoid, I could've broken up with him already. Of course, I do have feelings for him. A year is a long time for a relationship, especially for me. It's been my longest relationship and I do have feelings for him, but I don't want to keep the relationship going if he's not willing to talk things through. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't like how things are going. It's like I'm having a battle with myself right now. I know only I can figure everything out but knowing there's someone who I can talk to helps greatly.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, what's usually more the issue is that it takes time for us to get to know each other in a relationship, and so how someone behaves and how we know them at first is rarely how they'll be once we know each other better and settle into something.

You say you don't want to be in this, but if you end it, he'll ask to get back together in a couple days. Were that to happen, do you feel unable to say no and stay away?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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