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Author Topic: Very worried! Please help!
srk20
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I've been reading on various websites that pill effectiveness may be lessened for "obese" women. I'm 5'6 and 195 so I fall into that category. Does this mean that the pill is less protective for me? How do I know if its properly "working" since I haven't had sexual intercourse as yet. If I get my withdrawal bleed on the same day each month, is this a proper indication that the pill is working?

My second question is about dry sex- three days ago my boyfriend and I engaged in it, he had on boxers and basketball shorts and I had on panties and sweatpants. He was rubbing his area directly on mine for quite a while and then we noticed that precum had leaked outside his shorts. Is it possible for sperm from that precum to not only have gone through his 2 layers but also go through my two layers? I know that sperm generally cannot travel through layers but I got worried since the wetness had soaked through both of his layers. When i touched the wet spot on hix boxers from the outside, I could feel the fluid on my fingers so it had clearly gone through both his layers.

I went on to planned parenthood's chat and got this reply which worried me : "It is uncommon for sperm to travel through clothing. For this to be possible the clothing generally needs to be soaked through with the fluid the sperm is contained in such as semen or pre-ejaculatory fluid"

I don't know how soaked his shorts were and I'm worried I may have had a risk event hough I am on birth control but it may not be working properly due to my weight problems.

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Karybu
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There's no pregnancy risk here, first of all, regardless of whether or not your pill is working: sperm aren't going to make it through four layers of clothing. They're actually pretty delicate and they need specific conditions to survive, so there's no need to be concerned about pregnancy.

There haven't been a huge number of studies done on the issue of weight and the birth control pill, but in the ones that have been done, the results have varied: some seem to show that the effectiveness is lessened, others don't. Really, the best thing to do is talk to whoever prescribed the pill for you (though chances are good that if they prescribed it, they don't think your weight is a concern).

Unfortunately, there's no way to know whether your pill is working or not; but if you do get a withdrawal bleed then you know you haven't become pregnant during the last cycle of pills. Some people find that an "invisible" method like the pill isn't enough for them in terms of feeling secure though, so you can always back up with something like condoms (easy to see right away if they've failed) if you do want that extra level of reassurance. (Condoms are a good idea anyway for STI protection reasons.)

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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srk20
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Great to know that I don't need to worry about precum going through clothes- thank you for that. Are there any types of people that only rely on the pill and don't use condoms? Is it effective enough in preventing pregnancy? I take my pills at around the same type (1030pm) and if I slip it's usually no more than an hour afterwards.
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srk20
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I also trust your input much more than planned parenthoods but now I'm wondering why they even said that. Is there any risk if the cloth was soaked through?
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Karybu
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Some people do rely only on the pill for pregnancy prevention. The perfect use rate of the pill (meaning the rate settled on by doing lab-controlled studies) is over 99% effectiveness, with typical use it's around 92%, so it's sound to assume you're somewhere in that range (since it's impossible to be a lab-perfect pill user).

Generally, if you take your pill at around the same time every day, you can figure you're closer to that perfect use rate. For some people, that's enough protection for them, for others, it isn't - it really depends on what level of risk you personally are okay with, and if you really absolutely do not want to become pregnant, backing up with another method is a good move.

Per Planned Parenthood's response, it sounds like they were indicating that if BOTH his and your clothing was soaking with ejaculate, then there could possibly be a risk. But even if that were the case, pregnancy would still be ridiculously unlikely. I really don't see any risk in this scenario.

[ 09-12-2011, 09:47 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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srk20
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I really appreciate your input there, thank you. Just for my own mental relaxation, can you please explain in detail why it is not possible for sperm to go through clothing if the clothing does get soaked up by the precum or semen. I always get worried from the idea because I assume that if I can feel wetness on the other side of the second layer, then sperm could have likely gone through as well.

Please help with me with some detail around this as I know that sperm are much smaller than the pores in clothing.

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Karybu
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Sperm are smaller than the spaces in between the fibers of fabric, true, but they really need the fluid that they're in to move. (And they need a pretty significant amount of that fluid, to boot.) When semen or pre-ejaculate has been absorbed by clothing, there's really none left to help carry them where they need to get to.

Does that help?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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srk20
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Yes that does help. I guess I just can't understand why it cannot happen because i have seen his precum leak through his boxers and also his pajama pants to the outside to create a wet spot. If I touch that spot from the outside of his pajama pants, it still feels wet, so doesn't that mean that the fluid and whatever sperm was inside it would have leaked through as well? When you say that the fluid gets absorbed by the cloth, do you mean when it gets absorbed to the point that it's dry? Because by the example I gave you, it seems like it can still go through two layers of clothing. I tried myself a little earlier with saliva by putting it on one side and another layer behind it and it too went through both layers and the wetness could be felt on the other side. I know that you are the expert and I'm not so if you could clear up some of these questions for me, it would really help me understand why this activity is safe. Thank you so much again for your detailed answers. You are really helping me clear my worries rather than planned parenthood who just made me feel more confused and alone.
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Heather
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Let's try this: have you ever seen a towel get wet? Know how, when you towel off after a shower, the fluid is pretty much going to stay in the towel, just making it moist?

On the other hand, let's say the towel falls in the full sink or toilet, and then it's so wet it's dropping water. Big difference, right?

The latter -- the dripping towel -- and not the former -- the moist towel -- is the kind of situation where, were it semen (this is getting a little weird, I know bear with me), there could potentially be some pregnancy risk.

The deal is that there has to be enough fluid -- and also a lot of sperm cells in that fluid -- for it to be able to move from the surface it's on into your vagina. A wet spot on underpants is going to stay right where it is because fabric absorbs things when we're not talking about a lot of fluid. Much more than occurs with pre-ejaculate.

And that's not even accounting for the fact that from all we know, plenty of times, pre-ejaculate doesn't have sperm cells in it in the first place.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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srk20
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That really, really helps. I just want to move on from this situation entirely and make sure that I don't engage in these activities again because they really, really do scare me. So from both of your perspectives in closing, are you positive that do I really have nothing to worry about? I have no one else to talk to due to my religious background so this service is the only outlet that I have and you have no idea how much it means to me to have support on issues that I really do not understand.
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Karybu
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You really do not have anything to worry about. Promise.

Do you want to talk about how you can take a step back from sexual activity of any kind until you're a little bit more comfortable?

[ 09-13-2011, 08:51 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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srk20
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I've spoken to my boyfriend and he's seen how worried I've gotten from past risks so we're going to hold off from all types of activity for a while. I know that you and heather have tried to explain to me multiple times that I have nothing to worry about, and for a while I was okay. This past weekend for some reason the idea of it got back into my head and I got extremely worried. I decided to take four layers of the clothes that we were wearing; his boxers, basketball shorts, my sweatpants and underwear. I placed them all on top of each other and smeared a teaspoon of saliva on one side. Since the only thing im worried about is precum, I assumed that saliva had the same consistency. Unfortunately, the saliva went through all 4 layers and now I'm really worried. If i noticed a wet spot on the other side of the forth layer, doesn't it mean that all the fluid went through, and if there was sperm in it- that that could have gone through also?

I also want to mention that I'm on hormonal birth control, had I had any risk, would my birth control have stopped any pregnancy from happening? I am taking the birth control for PCOS and have been on it for 6 months. All my cysts have cleared so I assume that the pill is working properly. I am on combination pills and take a pill at the same time every night, some times i miss the time by like half an hour max so I think I am a pretty good user.

I'm really worried- I have about two weeks till I'm supposed to get my withdrawal bleed and I'm really nervous. I would really appreciate your advice.

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Stephanie_1
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Honestly, I'm not sure exactly what you saw on the clothes, but I can assure you unless you spit a REALLY large amount onto the top layer it didn't go through all those clothes. Which is besides the point that pre-ejaculate contains sperm from recent ejaculation. AND sperm aren't supermen... they won't go through all those layers and still be able to cause pregnancy... they're just not that strong. You have absolutely nothing to worry about here.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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srk20
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Well what do you think is a really large amount? It was a dime sized amount which did go through. I watched it very carefully. In the event that something did go through, would the birth control have me protected?
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Stephanie_1
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srk20 - as was said above there's really no risk in what you're describing. Not sure how else we can tell you that would reassure you there's not a reason to worry.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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srk20
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Hi there
So I've been trying not to think about this topic for a while now and just wait for my period to come to try to avoid all cases of anxiety.
It's getting to the last haul now and I'm pretty worried. I'm supposed to get my withdrawal bleed tomorrow and I'm really scared that it might not come. Is there any way that you can give me reassurance once again that I really have nothing to worry about so that I can carry on till tomorrow and it will happen? I hate sitting here and freaking out about it and waiting.

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srk20
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Can someone please reply to me. I need someone to talk to here.
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Heather
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One thing I can add that got missed in here is that we know the pill works for someone of your weight. The issue with women over 215 pounds (I may not be recalling the weight exactly, but it was somewhere right around there), is that specific studies have not been done in a sample size decent enough to determine if the pill works as well for women that weight and over. However, what some providers will do is up the dosage for women over that weight. regardless, we do not have data that shows the pill does NOT work the same for women over that weight, and you're under it anyway.

Really, I don't think we can add anything else here, nor say anything different than we already have. I know -- most of us have been there -- that sweating through a pregnancy scare sucks. It does. But sometimes, that's what happens.

My best advice? Use how you're feeling right now to figure out what you really need so you're way less likely, or not at all likely, to have to go through this again anytime soon. In other words, go through this process of being so uncomfortable, figure out what it is that's making you feel that way, and make a positive change for yourself. For instance, if you find you worry this much about pregnancy even on the pill and when engaging in sex where there doesn't appear to be any real risks of pregnancy, what do you need to change that? More education? Someone to evaluate you for anxiety? Stepping back from any kind of sex right now altogether? A talk with your partner about what you'd do if there ever was a pregnancy so there's some kind of plan?

Get my gist? IOW, yes, this sucks, but it can be useful and a bit of a good opportunity to figure out what the problem is and solve it for yourself.

[ 09-29-2011, 09:32 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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J305
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Hi I never had sex but i be sometime playing on myself but the thing is i broke my hymen by fingering myself im sad and worry bec someday ima get married and i dont want my future husbin to get mad just bec i broke my hymen!!! am im stell a virgin? what im going to tell my husbin? what im going to do please help me i been cryin

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jesy

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Stephanie_1
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You know, save with injury the hymen doesn't really break. It actually wears away over time, and more stretches than breaks. Check this out: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It

Also adding a couple of articles here for you on virginity - but in general virginity is more of a social concept. And a guy cannot tell if someone's had any type of sex before unless told.
20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank
Magical Cups & Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context
Is Masturbation Okay? (Yep.)


(For future reference, you can start your own thread by clicking on "new topic" in any section at the bottom rather than by clicking "post reply" Thanks.

[ 10-07-2011, 10:50 AM: Message edited by: Stephanie_1 ]

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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J305
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would i bleed on my first time having sex?

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jesy

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Heather
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There is very little broad study on this, but what has been done has found that fewer people bleed with first intercourse than those who do, whatever the state of their hymen. In other words, the idea that what's most common with first intercourse is bleeding is not based in reality.

But if we're going to keep having this conversation, can you go ahead and make your own topic for it? Thanks! [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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September
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Whether or not a woman bleeds during intercourse has nothing to do with whether it is her first time. It is always possible for bleeding to occur if the woman is not relaxed and aroused, if not enough lube is being used, and/or if the partner is being a bit rough.

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-joey
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