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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » faking virginaty

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Author Topic: faking virginaty
MiikiieBabiie
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Member # 55755

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ok so my ex is asking me back out and i dunno what to do... he said he has no problem with me if im a virgin but ive had sex with my curent boyfried... so when i get with him and if we do have sex... what happends how can i fake it? and the blood? what if he doesnt belive me cuz i wasnt bleeding? i didnt bleed the 1st time iether soo... :/ but i didnt bleed 1s when my current boyfired fingered me before we had sex

thanks

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Timeea

Posts: 51 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Since "virginity" is a social construct and not a medical concept, there is no one way that you can define virginity or one way that it looks like. Which makes it awfully hard to fake.

Practical matters aside, it doesn't sound like it is a very good idea for you to get back together with your ex-boyfriend. Someone who cannot us respect us for who we are is rarely a good person for us to be with. To boot, you are planning to lie to him, and lies are never a good basis for any relationship.

So, before you start trying to figure out how to lie to this guy, I'd suggest you spend some time thinking about whether he is someone you really want to be involved with in the first place.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MiikiieBabiie
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i know and i understant what you mean but... ive been in love with this guy for 3 years and im wid my current boyfreind and i like him but its not love i no for a fact it and love.... jay (ex bf) is and was my everything and i no he cnt accept me if i aint a virgin and i dnt wanna lose him again.... i no its bad idea but i dnt wanna lose him.... :/ so i need a way to back up the plan if we even have sex... its not for sure... but i need a back up plan to not make it suspisious and i need him to belive me

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Timeea

Posts: 51 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Just because we love someone doesn't mean that they are good for us. It's perfectly possible to be in love with someone who is utterly unhealthy for us. When that happens it can be really tough to see it and let go, but it's something that we need to do if we want to take good care of ourselves and form relationships that are healthy and supportive for us.

It also seems to me like you are framing this as an either-or deal between your current and your previous partner. But in doing so, I think you are severely limiting yourself. Those two men aren't the only two men you'll ever meet: if your current boyfriend isn't someone you have very strong romantic feelings for, that doesn't automatically mean that your ex-boyfriend is The One. It just means that both of these guys, for different reasons, are not ideal partners for you. One because you're just not that into him, and the other because he does not respect you for who you are and because you feel you have to lie to him to gain his approval.

Can we also talk about what you think may happen if your ex-boyfriend does find out you have had sex? How do you think he would react?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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