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Author Topic: Issues.
Member # 64789

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I have a very large sexual appetite. But I've been through traumatic, stressful events as of late (though I don't know if that's linked to my current problem).

I had sex with 3 guys in one month this July. (I'm being safe every time I have sex.) I have one partner right now, and it's staying that way (considering some of the traumatic events involved the 2 other guys, both exes now) I used to want it all the time and really enjoy it and get into it. Now when I'm in the mood, I have to force myself to go relieve the intense pressure when I'm alone. I still want sex when I'm with my partner but after a while it's just not as intense as it was when we first began.

I've been having a little trouble getting fully aroused before intercourse as well. And my current partner - when we have sex, the smell is not appealing. This only happened a few times with the first partner I'd ever had. It makes me smell odd afterward as well, but I always go back to normal.

Anyway.. I'm just wondering why I've not been enjoying it as much, even with my enormous sexual appetite. It's hard to motivate myself to masturbate now as well, so I find this to be a problem.

Posts: 32 | From: Arkansas | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 5822

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Hi reach,

You've thrown out a number of issues that could be causing your lack of enjoyment of sex - some traumatic issues, some stress, the smell issue etc

Have you been to a doctor about the smell or ever talked to anyone about the issues you mentioned? If there is a smell issue, then there could be an infection going on - healthy vaginas and penises don't smell bad if they're washed regularly (like any other part of your body.)

You mentioned 3 guys, 2 of whom were traumatic relationships - do you think you're ready to be engaging with someone else right now if the other two situations were upsetting? Are you protecting your heart and your mind as much as you could be right now?


Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 64789

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Normally, I'm not the one with the "smell". And I really want this relationship to work, so I believe I'm emotionally ready for it.
But how can I enjoy it as much as I did?

Posts: 32 | From: Arkansas | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Really wanting something doesn't mean we're ready for it. Am I right that it's only been around or less than a month since you got away from people where there was trauma (abuse?) involved? have you sought out any help/support in healing from whatever those traumas were? Did you take any time between those and getting involved with this person?

With this smell, have you two talked about sexual healthcare and STI testing? has this partner recently been tested and had his basic preventative sexual healthcare?

Your last question isn't something we're going to be able to answer without a lot more information, and even then, we may not be able to answer it, period. However, expecting things to be the same if and when you've very recently been through trauma in your sex or love life is often an unrealistic expectation. Often, we'll need time and work and help to process our feelings and heal from whatever those traumas were.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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