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NoName
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Hello, I posted here for the first time last week and you guys were very helpful. However, my post was very lengthy so a couple of my questions got lost in the mix. I was wondering about a few things.

(1) How can pregnancies NOT occur from manual sex if there are semen on the fingers? And why does ejaculating onto the vulva present a risk if manual sex doesn't?

(2)Why do so many people (on other sites of course) claim that either they or someone they know HAVE gotten pregnant from manual sex (with semen or pre cum on the fingers)? Are they lying or does it really happen? (I am discounting people who literally had gobs of semen on their fingers and impregnated their partner because I can see how that happens)I never worried about such things until recently because I didn't think it was possible...until I started reading about it. Now my pregnancy anxiety has gotten worse than ever, making afraid to ever touch my boyfriend again. I must not be alone because I now see TONS of similar questions as these from other people. Do you have any idea why these questions have increased in frequency in the past few years?

(3)I have read before that if you sit in semen (like on the shower floor or something similar) that it can make you pregnant. Even if there was a tons of it and you sat right in it, how does it pose a risk? I don't see how unless your vagina literally sucked it up (which I think is impossible).

Thanks in advance.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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1. Sperm cells are not superheroes. They're actually pretty delicate. So, they don't tend to bode well when being juggled around a lot. That's why pregnancy from anything but direct genital contact, where those sperm cells are being directly-deposited -- right from the penis itself -- onto or into a hospitable environment (the vagina), is very uncommon.

Could it still happen? Yes, especially if someone had fingers literally full of ejaculate they put right unto the vulva. But that's not something that typically happens with manual sex.

3) (I'm skipping around, and I'll explain why in a second) Can you explain to me where exactly someone would sit into a bunch of fresh semen? I mean seriously, this isn't something I see happening in real life. To boot, even if say, someone ejaculated unto the shower floor after the water was turned off, then someone else came right in and sat in it -- why they would do this, I have no idea -- yet again, you're dealing with sperm cells not likely being viable because a shower floor and being outside the penis isn't supportive of those cells being able to do their job.

Your second question is actually pretty complex, and probably more political than you've thought about, so I need a second to take a breath, then I'll start typing away.

[ 06-27-2011, 07:23 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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NoName
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Thanks for the help so far. As for the shower question, I know it is ridiculous but actually, I was going through past posts on one of the message boards on this site (like really old from 2000) and someone asked this question and the person who replied (I may be mistaken but I think it was a volunteer) said that yes, you can get pregnant that way. I was just wondering why. In the same vein, if someone ejaculated right onto the vulva, why would that present a risk? I know it can "seep" in but it seems like it would be difficult for that to happen. I look forward to your answer to my second question because I would really like some opinions on it. Thanks!
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Heather
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quote:
Why do so many people (on other sites of course) claim that either they or someone they know HAVE gotten pregnant from manual sex (with semen or pre cum on the fingers)? Are they lying or does it really happen? (I am discounting people who literally had gobs of semen on their fingers and impregnated their partner because I can see how that happens)I never worried about such things until recently because I didn't think it was possible...until I started reading about it. Now my pregnancy anxiety has gotten worse than ever, making afraid to ever touch my boyfriend again. I must not be alone because I now see TONS of similar questions as these from other people. Do you have any idea why these questions have increased in frequency in the past few years?
In terms of the frequency, I think one big thing is that over the last few years, there have been more places for people to post these things than before and to do so in a way where they're not personally identifying themselves. For instance, a few years ago, there was no Yahoo Answers or things like that, the kinds of places that people post things that are false or not entirely true a lot on every topic under the sun seem to happen most at, IMO. Some people just like to make things up and have fun making things up and seeing how people react. Unfortunately, the internet is a great place for those folks.

If it helps, we've never had a single person here, in 13 years of doing this, report becoming pregnant via manual sex. In a couple years of working at an abortion clinic I never had anyone report that, either. So, again, I think a lot of it has to do with where you're reading. If you're reading posts at places where people don't have to be accountable for falsehoods or fabrications, you need to know you're not likely to find credible information. If that's what you're looking for, you need to stick to more credible sources.

If you find you get anxiety reading certain things, you also need to take care of yourself and choose not to read things or at pleces you know trigger anxiety for you. That's just basic self-care. take care of you, eh?

But here's the political part. People will sometimes report becoming pregnant in ways that are either impossible or where it would be very, very unlikely for pregnancy to happen. There are a handful of different reasons for this:

1) Because they did get pregnant that way, because every now and then, flukes and weird things do happen, just not very often.

2) Because the way they actually became pregnant is something they feel ashamed about or worry (or know) they will suffer negative consequences for.

For instance, more and more over the decade or so, we've been having some serious cultural backlash where "virginity" (whatever that means) has become more and more loaded for a lot of people and by a lot of people, and not being a "virgin" in the way someone defines or thinks is okay can be a very big deal to some people. That's nothing new, it's quite ancient, but we had something of a break from that stuff for a while here in the west, and now it's been coming back full-force.

Another example is that in most cultures, there are ways considered socially acceptable and not socially acceptable for people to become pregnant. Like, inside a marriage = socially acceptable, whereas from an extramarital affair = not socially acceptable.

Then there are things like becoming pregnant via assault, which can be a really hard thing for victims to come to terms with.

If all the ways someone could become pregnant were viewed by everyone as equally okay, then way more people would feel able and good about being honest. But that's just not the world we live in.

3) Sometimes people earnestly do not know. If a person thinks pregnancy can happen in a certain way, and believes that strongly, even when presented with other information, then they might well keep saying that's how they became pregnant because they believe that that IS how they became pregnant.

It's late in the day for me, so I'm likely missing something, but the point is, this is complex and there isn't just one answer. Even any of those answers are complex all by themselves.

But there's also a point where it's on you (and me, and everyone else) to choose our sources of information widely. You're here for this information, and that's a great start. You could round that out with some credible books and a talk to a healthcare provider, too. But personal anecdotes online from people you don't even know about something so important, and which also triggers your anxiety? Doesn't seem like the best choice to me, you know? [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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NoName
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Thank you so much! That makes a lot of sense. One motive I can think of for this false information is maybe people out there who strictly promote abstinence (which that is okay for them) may post that information to scare people from have any sexual contact at all. A lot of people, I included, try to get around the pregnancy risk by not having intercourse and use other means to maintain intimacy in their relationships without such high risk behavior (but if sti's are an issue, I understand there are many risks, regardless of the kind of sex). With that being known, some people may say that stuff to deter people from doing anything at all. I think some of it may come from misinformation as well. The whole "it only takes 1 sperm to get you pregnant" myth. Which it is true, but not how they are believing it to be. Regardless of the reason, you are right about me needing to stop reading that information because it does cause me great anxiety. I have felt better coming here and REALLY wish I had known about your site sooner and it would have saved me a lot of heartache. I have lived in TN my whole life and I can tell you, there is NO sex education of any kind. Parents around here don't generally tell you anything either. I found all my information from experience and my own research. It's scary to think that such false information is out there because I am sure there a millions like me who have to find out about sex on their own. At 23 years old, I thought I had it all figured out and I am still learning new information. Thanks again for everything!
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I think that's totally possible (your theory on abstinence-pushers). But I also think around that issue is that what's much more likely is that it's people who have been impacted by those people/ideologies.

Those impacts can be getting pregnant by having kinds of sex that are taboo or off-limits, or even just playing with the what-if of telling a story about pregnancy from not-intercourse to test out if people believe it. And some other possibilities.

Just FYI? It actually doesn't take only one sperm for a pregnancy to occur. Only one sperm fertilizes the egg, but it takes a few hundred "helper" sperm to weaken the egg sac so that sperm can do that. [Smile]

I'm happy to help, and I'm sorry that you've had such a hard time trying to get education about things I think everyone is entitled to good education with. Do you need any suggestions for books or anything so you can have some more good sources of info that aren't 'net-based, too?

one last thing? I'm 41, and this is my (way more than) full-time job and *I* still learn things too, almost every day, even though this is my job and my sex education was pretty decent when I was younger. That's because this information still changes a lot from year to year and because this is one of those areas where absolutely no one can ever know all there is to know. So, it's not just you, I promise! [Big Grin]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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NoName
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Some book and net suggestions would be wonderful! I have been on this site a lot this week and I can't imagine any site that could be better but I will trust your suggestions. Thank you so much for the time you put in here, it is so important to so many people.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Oh, you're so welcome! Thanks for such a lovely compliment!

I'll swing by in the morning and leave you some good links. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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