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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Can we do over our first time?

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Author Topic: Can we do over our first time?
Pixiie
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Member # 53705

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I lost my viginity to my boyfriend this january and it took me all the way to our four month anniversary for me to realize and finally admit that even though i was physically ready, i wasnt emotionally ready.I been having a hard time experiencing any kind of feeling or sensation/pleasure through sex and i was wondering could the fact of me not truly being ready be the case. The way i lost my virginity and the reasons as well as my past relationship were hard on me. so i have a few questions, how do i become emotionally ready or how do i know im emotionally ready? also can i take a pause from sex even though its been constant in my relationship? is it fair to him? and my last question is how do i change my mindset from feeling obligated to have sex with my bf to having sex because i want to do it for me?

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Pixiee

Posts: 59 | From: brooklyn | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
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Member # 49077

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Hi Naya,

Whether or not you were or if you still are not emotionally ready for any sexual activities in general and/or to have them with this partner would have a lot to do with experiencing any level of pleasure or even a lack of pleasure. This article (Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide ) explains how your mind and emotions play a major part of how you react (or not) to physical stimulation. Until you can sort things out, I definitely agree your idea to step back and take a pause with sexually activities. There is nothing wrong at all about wanting to do this for yourself! [Smile] The only person you should feel truly “obligated” to is yourself or more appropriately, what is truly the best for you should not take second place, at your expense, to the needs of someone else. He should be able to respect this need if he truly cares about you. In my opinion, all sexual activities should be about your being ready to and wanting to share that part of you and what it means to you with that other special person. You are never obligated to anyone else to have sex. As to knowing if you are ready or not, hear is our suggestions Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist . Let us know if we can be of further assistance.

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Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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