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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Fat Admirers

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Author Topic: Fat Admirers
Female Person
Neophyte
Member # 46961

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First of all, I'd like to thank everyone at scarleteen because if it wasn't for you, I'd still be scared and lost when it came to sexuality. Thanks a bunch!

That said, when I have some sort of dilemma this is one of the first places I go. However, I searched the site and was surprised to find that the only article about fetishes I could find was about BDSM. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)

Well, my problem is embarrassing for me: the only way I have ever gotten off is when fantasizing about overweight/obese girls. (only girls, but I identify as bisexual.) I know this is called being a fat admirer, but when I search anywhere else for comfort/advice about this, I either find the people who are disgusted and pissed off by it, or the people who are so consumed with this fetish that they don't care if the woman can't even walk because of her weight. (Actually, that kind of turns me on... but that part of myself just disgusts me. Why would someone struggling to walk possibly turn me on?? I feel like a horrible person for feeling that way.) Overall, I just feel like embracing this fetish would threaten the health of others or otherwise harm them, but ignoring it just isn't healthy and makes me feel ashamed of my sexuality overall. I guess I'm just not sure if I should tell people about it/pursue it/accept it or keep it as my deep dark secret.

Thanks a ton!

Posts: 17 | From: Oregon | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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The first thing I'd do is to stop calling it a fetish, and let me explain why: that term refers, by definition, to sexual arousal/desire around things that are objects.

Now, obviously it gets tricky if people are objectifying people and seeing them as objects, in which case it might be more apt, but I'd still encourage being wary about that, since most folks don't tend to want to be seen or treated as objects.

What I hear you saying is that you find find women attractive: you have a preference for fat women. Lots of people have lots of preferences around how people look, so you're hardly the first one and I don't see any reason to be ashamed. How is your preference different than preferring someone with brown hair or blue eyes or who is tall?

Can I ask why you think accepting your preference has you thinking you'd be threatening someone's health or doing someone harm?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Female Person
Neophyte
Member # 46961

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Alright, that makes more sense. I guess sometimes I just feel like the fat is all I'm looking at, so that's why I feel like it's about an object/objectifying.
Well I always hear stories about fat admirers telling their partners to gain weight (maybe not directly, perhaps more like how complimenting someone who is losing weight might make them want to lose more) and it damages their health.
I guess it's just a preference, but for some reason I still feel kind of ashamed about it. I'm not sure why really.

Posts: 17 | From: Oregon | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, I'd figure it's like this: if and when you find you're not seeing the person whose fat body that is, but only seeing their body, then that's not a situation where it's sound to pursue a sexual interaction with that person unless they're down with that.

You also don't have to be a person who does anything to try and control someone else's eating or weight: that's a choice.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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