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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Relationships and virginity

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Author Topic: Relationships and virginity
wordnerd25
Neophyte
Member # 58644

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Hi. I'm a 19-year-old female college student, and a virgin. I do not want a serious relationship, nor do I feel that I would want one any time soon--I think it could be years. However, I do not want to be a virgin any more. There was a time when I wanted to be in love with the guy I lost my virginity to, but I'm not sure I can wait for that: I don't particularly want to fall in love at the moment, nor do I think that I could. And I don't want to wait until I'm 30 years old to have sex. So, my question is, should I lose it to a guy I'm not in a relationship with? I think I could probably get a casual dating/consistent hook-up type of situation going with one of a couple of different guys. But is it regrettable to lose your virginity in that kind of situation? Is your first time even that big a deal? Thank you for your time.
Posts: 29 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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Nobody is going to be able to answer those questions for you except YOU. What you are asking is something very personal. For one person first time casual sex might be something they feel good about, for somebody else it might be different. You have to consider how YOU feel about these things and whether it is in line with what YOU want. We have several articles on the main site about first time sex and virginity. We'd be happy to link you to those (or you can poke around over there yourself!).

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Sarah Liz

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OWL Dan
Activist
Member # 49077

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Welcome Wordnerd,

I understand your situation very well. When I was your age was in a similar situation of wanting to experience losing my virginity but I wasn’t foreseeing any relationship soon. While I know my answers will not work for you, the questions I asked myself may be helpful. One of the more basic questions is ‘How do I define virginity?’ While some may define ‘having sex’ as actual penis/vagina intercourse, here we define sex as any sexual activity. So, as you can see definitions of ‘virginity’ can vary. Another basic question is ‘What does it mean to me to ‘share/give’ my virginity with another person?’ This is the one that will that some soul searching of your beliefs and values and why only you can provide the answers to your questions. You can also ask yourself ‘What level of sexual activity would I be comfortable with?’ because you can chose to take things a step at a time and not ‘all or nothing’ too. One more question to think about would be ‘I am ready for any repercussions that may come with loosing my virginity?’ Some of the more obvious possibilities would be pregnancy and getting an STI. Another more involved possibility might be ‘What if I fall in love with this person and they don’t feel the same way or the other way a round?’ This is something to consider as well. Think these things over and then follow your “gut instinct”, heart, conscious, “that little voice”, or what ever you call that which guides you these hard choices. [Wink]
As Sarah Liz suggested, look around our site and feel free to ask us any other questions that may help you with your situation.
[Smile]

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Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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