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AmandaJune
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Ok - so my boyfriend of one year broke up with me about a week ago. I love my virginity to him. I don't regret that. But the idea of having sex with anyone else scares me. I'm afraid to and I'm not sure why. I just get really scared thinking about it. Advice would be appreciated.
Posts: 25 | From: Vermont | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'm sorry that you had a breakup.

I'd say that one week after a big breakup you're bound to feel like this and it's probably WAY too soon to worry about that.

In other words, right now, while this is all still so fresh, of course the idea of sex with a new partner is going to be daunting, and may not even be appealing. That can be all the more so when you've only had one person with whom you were sexual, so a lot of your sexuality is associated with that person. But you're not always going to feel the way that you feel right now.

How about for right now, you just let yourself grieve and start to recoup, and set aside things that may be way ahead in the future?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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AmandaJune
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Thanks for the information. It does make me feel a bit better. Although I think some of my fears stem from my fear of HIV. I knew that my first didn't have HIV and/or AIDS cause he fought Muay Thai and had to be blood tested before each fight for those reasons. So I'm afraid of someone I possible meet in the future having it. I know condoms protect, but what it the condom breaks. I guess it's just a scary thing for me. I never plan on having casual sex or anything like that. But just how can you trust someone?
Posts: 25 | From: Vermont | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
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You know, that's a pretty specific worry there. If there a reason you're worried about that specifically (I mean as opposed to wanting to make sure a partner's been tested for STIs on a full range scale?)?

One of the biggest things about being with someone, is that you have to be able to trust that person, be open and willing to communication about sex, as well as about safety - and how you plan on you both being safe. Some people find they like going with someone and being tested together, while other people are okay with just knowing a partner has been tested and tested clear (or if not how they can both best protect themselves and one another.) Once with a partner, you want to continue getting tested about every six months.

[ 02-28-2011, 10:12 PM: Message edited by: Stephanie_1 ]

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'd look at it this way: your ex got tested because of sports. Anyone you're with in the future can also get tested, whether or not they play sports. The fact that your ex got tested often also doesn't mean their risk for it was any lower than anyone else's.

So, what you want to do is, like Stephanie suggested, and like we suggest for everyone, all the time, talk about safer sex with partners in advance, and insist on partners being tested regularly (for all STIs, not just HIV), as well as testing regularly yourself.

That way there's no difference between anyone else and your ex in that regard.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67076 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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