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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Someone to talk to ? (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Someone to talk to ?
Heather
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Successful relationship do tend to have a lot to do with if everyone in them wants and needs similar things, and also if they share similar kinds of feelings at a similar depth. That said, people aren't always going to be on the exact same page or in the exact same place all the time, but if you're talking in generalities, I'd say looking for similarity like that is sound, not problematic.

I do think that putting the opinions of others over our own opinions is something we can unlearn. Again, we're circling back to working more on your esteem here.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ann109
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So...the fact that i don't understand how a 'i love you' is compatible (on the long run) with a 'i like you' isn't exaggerated all that much ?

Well , my self esteem IS my main problem. I can't deny that,but i really don't know what to do about it. I can 'help' it from time to time with different things, like we talked earlier, but i can't maintain it at a reasonable level [Frown]

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Heather
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I don't think so at all, no.

You know, it is sounding to me like it may be that you are simply more selective or cautious than your friends when it comes to romantic and/or sexual relationships. It might help to remind yourself that these kinds of relationships are 100% optional, and it only makes so much sense to have them if they don't feel very worthwhile and you don't feel like you've met someone with whom you can have one that will be good for you both.

Maybe some of your friends figure it's important to have those relationships, even if they seem unlikely to work out or benefit them, even if they're risking a lot, or just risking wasting their time. If so, they get to do that, too, but that doesn't mean you have to make the same choices.

Per your esteem, can I ask you to give me a bigger picture of your life as a whole right now? What's your day-to-day like?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ann109
Neophyte
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Could you be more explicit concerning the 'bigger picture of your life' ? I'm not really sure what you mean -exactly-
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Heather
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Sure. Like, you woke up today: what's your day look like? What do you do through most of your days?

For instance, me, Monday is one of my busiest workdays. I woke up, made my coffee, hung w/the dogs a bit then dove into work. I'll work all day, mostly doing direct service but also working on some writing. I'll take a yoga or walk break at some point. My partner gets home at the end of the day, and we'll hang out, make dinner together. I may call a friend to catch up later in the night or do a little work on some photography I did a few weeks ago, and then my partner and I will probably hang some more, making fire, chatting, maybe reading or watching a movie, then I'll hit the hay.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ann109
Neophyte
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Well...I wake up early in the morning, go to university, hang out with some friends , get home , eat something with my family , spend the day in my room at my computer/go out and have fun(depends really on the day). I don't know if that was helpful or not. I'm not really sure how to approach the subject, really
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Heather
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It's a fine start. How's it going for you at university? Are you enjoying your classes? feeling like what you're taking is a good it with what you are interested in and feel passionate about?

When you're going out, what are you going out and doing? Things you enjoy?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ann109
Neophyte
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Well, i don't really enjoy the university all that much. It's ok ,but i don't want to do this in the future. In a way thinking about my every day life and so on , after your question, i can say i do feel somewhat encaged...

As for the going out, i usually go drink a beer or a tea with my friends, so it is a enjoyable activity.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Do you feel good about yourself with your friends?

With the uni, is it possible for you to be able to look into taking some classes or changing your course so that you are studying things you want to study?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ann109
Neophyte
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Most of the time, yes.

The university part is pretty tricky for me at the moment. I don't think i'm going to finish what i'm doing now. I mean , i'm sure i'm not going to finish this,because i don't feel like it's the 'perfect' match for me.
I'm going to wait for 2 weeks till i finish with my exams and i'll start looking for a job in tailoring , as an apprentice of some sort, not sure yet. I'm pretty terrible when it comes to decisions....

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Does your university not offer any courses in anything like textiles or design?

Mind, I think apprenticing is also an excellent plan, but you may be able to do both?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ann109
Neophyte
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In my town , there aren't any universities specialized on fashion design or crafts related, so i don't know what to do. And the one i'm attending now is Industrial Design, a combination between engineering and designing different things. It's a pretty complex university if you get to finish it.

And i thought about not quitting this one, but i don't think i can do 2 things as good as dedicating myself to just one.

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