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veroniablues
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Member # 52918

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I have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for a little over a year now, and up until recently our relationship was awesome. It was like a dream, we never fought or anything.
He's a year older than me and will be going off to college next year. He is currently out of state, looking at colleges before he makes a decision. He has friends who live in the area he is in, so he was with them last night and called me. He was acting sooo full of himself and not himself at all. He started yelling at me over the phone (in front of his friends) for telling him that I wasn't going to be doing anything today, saying that I made him feel bad. We have not talked at all today and I'm very stressed.
He has been mean to me every time he calls or texts me, and it seems that he does not have much respect for what I have to say anymore.
He is my first love, I can honestly say, but I'm scared that I am starting to lose him. We have planned to try and stay together while he's gone, but I'm starting to feel that this may not be possible. I've been on an emotional roller coaster all of today, and I just really need some words of wisdom.
How do I tell him that he is not acting like himself without sounding like I'm accusing him of something? Could it just be stress from the college-hunting process? Help!

Posts: 3 | From: WA | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pumpkin_Pie
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Member # 5822

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Hi Veronia,

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time with your boyfriend - at times of transition like going to college etc it can be hard to maintain relationships and stay focused on them.It's also possible that the two of you are getting older now and drifting apart. It's also a case that it can be easy to take relationships and people for granted when you're stressed out and undergoing huge change.


Do you know what I mean?

I'm not excusing your boyfriend's behaviour - he has nor right to take any stress or worry he has out on you. The only way that you will know what's going on with your boyfriend and yourself is if you talk to him.

There are certain ways that will come across as less aggressive or hostile - you can use "I" statements, so say things like "I feel" or "I think" etc, rather than accusatory phrases.

So you have "I sometimes feel very hurt" rather than "You're really mean to me and you're taking your stress out on me"

Do you get the difference?

Has this helped?

How would you feel if this relationship is coming to an end?

Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
veroniablues
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I understand the difference, and I am going to talk to him as soon as he is home for a while and more relaxed.
I do not want the relationship to end - it makes me teary eyed to think about it because I've dedicated a whole year to him and I don't want it to end like this. I still care for him very, very much.
But I do hope that your advice works! Thank you very much.

Posts: 3 | From: WA | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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