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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » orgasms, wetness, UTIs, and antidepressants

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Author Topic: orgasms, wetness, UTIs, and antidepressants
sunshinepastbedtime
Neophyte
Member # 50737

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Hello! I have a few questions.

1. I'm 20 years old, have had two sexual partners, and have never had an orgasm. At least, I don't think I have. Whenever I do anything sexual with anyone (oral, manual, or vaginal), it just doesn't feel that great. Like yeah, it's enjoyable, but I just don't think I like it as much as I should. Recently I've been masturbating, and was able to make myself cum (as in, with a lot of clitoral stimulation, a released a bunch of fluid all at once). That feels pretty good, but I'm still not sure if it's an orgasm. Is it? Also, why can't I orgasm when someone else does it to me? I come close to cumming, but I never quite get there. And it's a little embarassing. After a while we both just kind of get bored and stop trying. What's wrong here?

2. What I'm about to say is a little graphic, but I suppose you guys are used to that. Ever since I was about twelve, my vagina was always moist. As in, there's always a little bit of wetness/gooey stuff down there. It doesn't smell bad or irritate me or otherwise cause any problems. I always thought this vaginal moistness was totally normal. But then my most recent partner was fingering me, and he was like, "Wow, you're already really wet" right as he started touching me. I wasn't even that turned on at that point, I think the wetness he felt was just my usual wetness. Is that wetness/moistness that's always there normal? His reaction made it seem like I should only be that wet if I'm really turned on.

3. I have a VERY sensitive "nether region". When I was younger I had chronic bladder spasms and irritation, which I now know is caused by a condition called interstitial cystitis. Anyway, after I get fingered I usually get a urinary tract infection, or I just get a lot of bladder spasms a day or two after getting fingered, even without the actual infection. It's so annoying because it's really uncomfortable/painful and sometimes takes weeks to go away. I've done everything to avoid it: urinating before and after getting fingered, making sure I've wiped my butt really well beforehand (TMI...I know), and making sure both of us have washed our hands before he even touches me. Still, getting fingered always ends results in weeks of discomfort. And it never really feels that great to begin with (see #1). What am I doing wrong?

4. I've been on antidepressants for about ten years now. I've read that antidepressants can cause sexual side effects. Could this be why I don't enjoy sexual stuff as much as I think I should? I do get horny a lot. And my favorite thing is having a hard penis brush the outside of my vagina (that's what turns me on the most). But as far as any type of penetration, I really feel like I'm missing out on something. Do you think my inability to orgasm has to do with my taking antidepressants?

Thanks!!!!

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sunshinepastbedtime
Neophyte
Member # 50737

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help anyone?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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sunshinepastbedtime: I'm so sorry this post got overlooked.

I'm going to tackle these with the same numbers you used for each question.

1. You express that with partners things aren't feeling that great for you, and that you even find yourself getting bored. Those aren't scenarios where it'd be common for someone to reach orgasm, because to get there, it usually involves feeling really good, experiencing a lot of pleasure, and being excited, not bored. So, to find out more about this, we'd probably want to talk more about how you have felt with those partners -- including at times you're not sexual -- but also would want to be clear that not reaching orgasm with only two partners doesn't suggest any kind of major problem. In so many ways, sex often takes practice. But if you want to talk more about this on the whole, happy to gab with you about it.

Ejaculation isn't orgasm, they're different things, even though they can happen together.

You might find these articles helpful:
With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
Squirt: On Female Ejaculation

2. It's normal for the vulva/vagina to have discharges and fluids, which may or may not be related to arousal. Even when not aroused, we often have fluids due to parts of the fertility cycle, and because that's how the vagina cleans itself.

Whether or not that partner knew that is something I can't know, but a lot of people who don't have vulvas don't, and a lot of people also only know about vaginal fluids being about arousal, not as other ways of how our bodies function.

3. I'm sorry you've struggled with IC. Are you using any treatments or medications for it? It doesn't sound like you are, so fill me in?

4. For sure, some SSRIs can have sexual side effects which can include decreased sex drive and arousal. So, this could be part of what's been going on. Have you talked with your prescribing physician about this? Some SSRIs have these effects more than others, so you might want to talk about trying a switch to see if that helps.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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sunshinepastbedtime
Neophyte
Member # 50737

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No worries.

1. All of the partners I've been with I've been very sexually attracted to, and I do get really turned on when we first start hooking up. It's just that after a while, I get kind of bored. And it's a little embarrassing.

I read over the articles (thank you for those, by the way), and it seems like I'm just not aroused enough. Perhaps a little more foreplay would help?

Also, I think part of the problem is emotional. I've never had a boyfriend, though I've always wanted one. The guys I've had sex with were guys that I've had feelings for, but the feelings weren't reciprocated. And the most recent partner I've had (we didn't go all the way, just oral sex) was a guy I really had feelings for, but he most certainly isn't over his ex, so the whole time we were hooking up, I'm sure he was thinking about her. Maybe it was this thought of being second best that messed stuff up for me.

I read in the articles that ejaculation sometimes becomes before an orgasm. If that's the case for me, should I try to keep masturbating even after I've ejaculated? I've done that a few times and I just ended up ejaculating more. Should I keep going to see if I can orgasm?

2. That's what I thought. Boys are just misinformed.

3. The only thing I'm doing for my IC is taking herbs during a flare-up. I usually have to take them for a few weeks for the symptoms to subside, so I don't know if that's the herbs working, or if the symptoms would just naturally go away on their own after a few weeks. Should I talk to a urologist to see what else I can do?

4. I'll talk to my psychiatrist about it once I rule everything else out (not enough foreplay, emotional issues, etc). Changing SSRIs takes a big emotional toll on me; a lot of them make my depression a lot worse. I want to use that as a last resort type thing. Interestingly, I read somewhere that ginkgo supplements can counteract the sexual side effects of SSRIs. Is that true?

Thanks!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I find the term foreplay problematic, because it suggests that those activities aren't also kinds of sex, which they are, and for some folks, or all of us some of the time, they're the only kind of sex we're having.

Are you saying, though, that you feel like you/your partners are moving too fast into intercourse? Were you only asking about intercourse or genital sex?

With the ejaculation and continuing after it, for sure. That kind of experimenting is pretty much the only way we find out how our own bodies work. [Smile]

With the IC, the herbs you're taking: these were prescribed to you by a naturopath, chinese medicine doctor or other healthcare provider? presumably whoever diagnosed you with IC?

I can't speak to SSRI interactions: it's outside my field. But you can always check for any interactions with medications and anything else you take with your pharmacist.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sunshinepastbedtime
Neophyte
Member # 50737

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Yeah I guess we are moving too fast to...anything. I'll try slowing down and savoring every kiss/touch/stroke. I think getting into the moment might help.

The IC herbs I'm taking were just recommendations from online IC support groups. I talked to my doctor about them and she says it's ok as long as they don't give me any side effects (which they haven't).

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Your doctor hasn't suggested ANY treatment for your IC? Sorry, I'm just really perplexed and very surprised, especially since you're having recurring problems.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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