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Author Topic: is it too soon??
Member # 48950

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me and my boyfriend have discussed oral sex before. i dont particulary like the idea of it. ive never participated in it either. i don't want to give blow jobs and i don't want him to perform oral on me either. i feel more comortable with the idea of actual intercourse even though i'm a virgin. i'd also preffer not to give him a hand job or him to finger me. is this okay????? should i do any of this before intercourse???? or can i skip over the parts i'd preffer too???
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Executive Director & Founder
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EVERYONE gets to have whatever preferences and limits they have around any kind of sex. If you don't want to engage in any kind of sex, that's always okay, and should always be okay with any partners.

For sure, they may have different wants, in which case they get to choose to seek out a partnerships where their own wants and needs are met, just like you'd get to do. But even if and when that happens, it's always still okay for you to only do what you want to do.

Now, whether or not having no kind of sex -- if that's what you're saying -- but intercourse is something that works out for you isn't something we can predict. On the whole, that doesn't tend to be what most women find suits them best, but there are exceptions to every rule, and the only way any of us can find out what we like is ultimately to start with what we think we do/will, see how it goes and keep adapting, experimenting and communicating as we keep finding out. [Smile]

One thing I would just think about, though, is if you have the preferences you do here because you just don't feel comfortable yet with your body or sexuality at all, or to the degree that would make sex feel okay for you emotionally. Because if that's the case, your best bet is holding off on any kind of sex until being sexual with someone else, having them see your body, be very intimate with all its parts, is something you really feel okay about.

[ 09-17-2010, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Member # 48950

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thanks [Smile] and i am okay with getting intimate with my partner but i'm just not into the oral sex and i wasn't sure if that was something that was mandatory before having actual penetration
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